Today the Arizona Daily Star has a lovely little feature on Bill Hohn, who has umpired major-league baseball games for 18 seasons and is now rehabbing in Tucson after injuries stalled his career.

From the Daily Star:

In the last two years, he has had three surgeries to repair herniated disks in his lower back and the sciatic nerve in his left hip. Hohn, a 52-year-old native of Butler, Pa., missed most of 2007.

During his comeback, he has spent the last seven days on a rehabilitation stint at Tucson Sidewinders games. He is expected to return to the major leagues Friday in Atlanta.

Hohn’s is a feel good story. But his is a look bad face. Behold:

I don’t know what is going on here. It’s more than a mustache, but less than a Fu Manchu. And apparently this is nothing new.

I suppose he has good reason grow the ’stache. After all, umps need to look tough. If I was an ump, I’d want to look like as much of a hard ass as possible. But somebody needs to tell Hohn that the the secret to a successful Fu Manchu is uniformity. The hairs above the lip and along the sides of the mouth need to be the same length. This party on top (lip) and business on the sides look is not good.

Pay attention, Bill. This is how it’s done:

Ahhh. Now that’s some truly fortunate facial hair.

I have a question.

What’s with all the unassisted triple plays these days?

When I was a kid, literally for YEARS we all knew that there were only 8 unassisted triple plays in more 150 years of baseball history, and that that number was unlikely to change much any time soon, because they were so rare. But since the last time the Dodgers won a World Series (with which I mark the end of my innocent childhood) the total number of unassisted triple plays has nearly doubled from 8 to 14.

Of course, this may just be a fluke, as the play is still extremely rare.

From 1876, which is as far back as we have reliable records, until 1909, there were no unassisted triple plays. Zero.

After Neil Ball turned the first one ever in 1909, there was another 11 years of silence. But then suddenly in the 1920s, like flappers, the jitterbug, and government corruption, the triple play’s popularity skyrocketed, and it seemed like everyone was doing it. Indeed, in just 7 years from the end of 1920, when Bill Wambsganss turned his famous unassisted triple in game 5 of the World Series, until 1927, major league ball players turned SIX unassisted triple plays.

They then proceeded to show just how amazing this actually was by turning only a single unassisted triple play in the next SIXTY-FIVE years.

We finally did get two in the 1990s - Mickey Morandini in 1992 to break a 34-year lull, and John Valentin just two years later in 1994.

But now we enter the 2000s, and the unassisted triple play is suddenly all the rage again. In this decade alone there have already been four of them turned, including Asdrubal Cabrerra’s last night.

Of course, in all likelihood, this is probably a fluke, but still, I can’t help but wonder if there might be structural differences in the game today which account for the uptick.

Is it because guys take more walks and thus “clog up the basepaths”, making it more likely? Is it because line drive percentages are higher? Is it because back in the day there were more Ichiro-like slap hitters, who would deliberately go for a ground ball or a fly ball in those situations, rather than just letting rip with a line drive toward second base? Is it just that there are so many more expansion teams now, so that there are just so many more innings played and thus so many more chances to hit into one?

Come to think of it, if we consider the eras in which the most triple plays happened, those two eras roughly correspond to the most offense-oriented eras in baseball history - the “lively ball” era of the 1920s, and the current era I like to call the “juiced ball” era. So maybe that is your answer right there.

In any case, it’s a ridiculously amazing play - still rarer than a perfect game.

The week six results for the UmpBump fantasy league are in. Time for quick look at who’s performing and who isn’t!

Sarah: This was a terrible week for the Somerville Green Sox. What sort of terrible? Well, my one save was taken away after the official scorer realized he’d made a mistake, making me the only one in the UmpBump league to finish the week without a single save. And then Vernon Wells, he of the 5 homers and 24 RBI, broke his wrist. That’s the sort of week it was. That said, my team did not play badly (except for a truly abysmal Saturday when they racked up the o-fers like they were on clearance). And in fact, of the 11 other teams in our league, there are only three who would have beaten me this week and only one that would have really kicked my ass. Unfortunately, that’s the team I was playing. After a week of intense back and forth, my men ultimately fell like fall leaves before the one-man onslaught that is Lance Berkman. (Seriously, a .741 OBP for the week? 25 bases? Two homers and two steals? Who can compete with that??) I fell from No. 3 in our league back to the five-slot. I finally admitted that Yovani Gallardo was not coming back this season, that I could never truly trust Kyle Lohse, and that Mark Mulder (still on the DL) was not going to solve my problems. I dropped all of them and picked up Dana Eveland, Hong-Chih Kuo, and Homer Bailey (call him up already!). Hot: Ryan Braun, Ian Kinsler, Andy Pettitte (for now, anyway) Not: Eric Gagne (I’m, like, soooo surprised), Johnny Cueto (tons of K’s, sky-high ERA—why?! WHY?!).

Alejandro: I cannot be stopped. I’m on a roll. Watch out. Actually, I’m not tearing it up exactly, but I did have a convincing 8-3 win over Pirates in ‘08!. I won 5 offensive categories and tied in the sixth, and I have to thank my superb GM skills for picking up Dan Uggla on waivers. I could use better pitching, as I only collected 2 wins (though I did rack up 4 saves), so I’m taking a gamble on Vicente Padilla, who’s 5-2 with a 3.02 ERA. I also rid myself of the disaster that is Kevin Millwood. I am now 1 game under .500. Next stop, league leader. Hot: Dan Uggla, Alex Gordon, Carlos Lee, Emil Brown (is he for real?), Josh Beckett, Tim Lincecum (man crush!). Not: Dustin Pedroia (trade anyone?), Fred Lewis (what was I thinking?), Gavin Floyd (but I can’t give up on him yet!), Kevin Milwood (DROPPED).

Paul: So ElDuquesInjuryReport keeps on truckin’. But I can’t seem to shake off Scott’s Utley’s Firm Quads, who’s only two games behind me in the standings. While it’s way too early in the season to be worried about much of anything (except for a Jorge Sosa appearance in a close and late game), I’m already wondering if this is going to be a tight race all year. As far as my roster is concerned, I had two tough decisions to make. With the respective returns of Shane Victorino and Scott Kazmir from the DL, I had to drop a pitcher and a position player. The decision on the pitching front wasn’t so difficult, since it’s becoming more and more apparent that there’s something wrong with Jeremy Bonderman. His strikeouts have plummeted and his walks have skyrocketed. So he’s out. But I spent a good three days mulling over whether or not I should keep Victorino or Ryan Church. Is Church for real? Or is this just a case of a guy who’s playing way over his head? Ultimately, I decided to just let the historical numbers tell me what to do, and let Church go. He then proceeds to crank out three dingers. And is now on Scott’s team. Awesome. Hot: The Greek God of Walks (5 HRs! 10 RBIs! 30TBs!), Ted Lilly, C.C. Sabathia, Cliff Lee. Not: Jhonny Peralta, Brian Roberts, Andy Sonnanstine.

Coley: Another week, another loss. At least this one was close. One more run and one more HR and we would have tied. Oh well. The good news is I was able to snag Milton Bradley as a free agent. Anytime you can add a guy with a .424 OBP for free, that’s a good day. I also picked up Guillermo Mota, in the hope that he becomes Milwaukee’s regular closer. After yesterday’s Soloman Torres implosion, I feel good about Mota’s chances. Hot: Josh Hamilton, Scott Rolen, Milton Bradley, Dice-K. Not: Jered Weaver, Brett Myers, Melky Cabrera.

You gotta feel for the guy.

Today, it was announced that the San Diego Padres released center fielder Jim Edmonds. The team had stumbled out of the gate in 2008 to a thus-far-disappointing 12-23 record and felt that they needed to make a change.

Prior to the season, we had speculated that Edmonds would be a “boom-or-bust” addition to the Pads, and clearly, the organization already labeled him the latter. Edmonds was batting an abysmal .178/.265/.233 line prior to today. Admittedly, I am yet to see a San Diego game this year, but the article (linked above) mentions how it wasn’t just poor offense that did him in:

While Edmonds once made spectacular catches while with the Cardinals and Angels, he clearly lost a step or two and simply couldn’t catch up to fly balls.

Again, not having seen Edmonds play, it’s difficult for me to comment much on this, except to say that I’m sure his decline on defense is made far more visible by the very spacious outfield at Petco Park.

For those of you now wondering if your team should sign Jim, there are things to note:

PRO: Edmonds has a .227 BABiP this year, which is well below his career norm (more in the .300 area). So there’s room for improvement.
CON: His BABiP has been decreasing annually since 2004, so it might not be much of a fluke.
PRO: His line-drive rate is as good, if not better than, his prime, so when he makes contact, it’s been solid a good portion of the time.
CON: He’s also making contact on fewer occasions. His strikeout rate is at 23.3%, which is higher than his career norm. And he always was very strike-out prone to begin with. Combine this with a BABiP trending down, and it’s a big warning sign.
PRO: But he’s back to seeing 4.2 pitchers per plate appearance! The old, more patient Jim is back!
CON: Despite this, he’s still not walking as often as he used to. Besides, when you’re batting .178, it doesn’t matter much anyway. You’re still an offensive liability.
PRO: But the glove! THE GLOVE! In a smaller outfield, he can still be a good defensive player, right?
CON: Probably not. At least not in center field. Even last year, playing in Busch Stadium which has much less space in center towards the corners, it was becoming clear that those Gold Gloves were a thing of the past.

So is this it for Jim? Knowing what I mentioned above, would you still take a chance on him?

Oh my God. It’s Friday! Finally! To give you a sense of where things stand at UmpBump HQ, en route to the office this morning I took a sharp left turn with my cup o’ Joe not properly secured in the cup holder (evidently). Now I have no coffee to drink, and altogether too much coffee soaked into my pants. Never have I needed some TGIF action so badly, and I trust you, loyal readers, feel the same. And here at UmpBump, “action” = “links.”

Rumors and Rants presents the ten worst contracts in baseball today. Guess who Number 1 is?

We didn’t talk about the John Bale story (pitcher on DL frustrated with how rehab is going, punches door with pitching hand, breaks hand) here on UmpBump because we were satisfied with the level of snark at Can’t Stop the Bleeding. Obviously, he didn’t have the Crash Davis tutorial on not hitting doors with your pitching hand. (I can’t keep giving you these free lessons!)

Rob Parker of the Detroit News says “like him or not, the Tigers need Bonds.” I disagree, given that the Tigers are actually third in the AL in runs scored and in the top five in every important offensive category. The problem for Detroit is that they’ve allowed the most runs of any AL Team—yes, even more than the Rangers. I fail to see how signing Barry Bonds is going to change that. But I guess we have to have thirty different versions of the article, “Team X needs to sign Barry Bonds,” no matter how silly some of those are.

Speaking of Bonds, he helped start this recent trend of using maple bats, which can be dangerous when they shatter (see photo). I’m an ash bat purist, so I was glad to see Jeff Passan’s article calling for the end of maple bats at Yahoo! Sports. (Hat tip to ShysterBall.)

Brawl! Since bench-clearing brawls are officially one of the reasons baseball is awesome, Babes Love Baseball has the video (in slo mo!) of Richie Sexson going after Kason Gabbard for throwing a high pitch. When I saw Sexson fling the helmet at Gabbard, and Gabbard promptly curl up in the fetal position on the pitcher’s mound, I knew I was watching an instant classic. The rest of the brawl is just gravy.

Ladies… has the goods on Carlos Gomez in the wake of his hitting-for-the-cycle performance. How you doin’?

Bill Plaschke tries to clarify whether Vin Scully is retiring or not. I came away with a new determination to watch all the Dodgers games this year on MLB.TV, just in case.

And Pinstripe Alley and River Ave Blues would both like to know why all the fuss about Joba’s fist pump. Seriously, a fist-pump controversy? That seems a bit much, even to this Boston fan. Try getting yourselves a shortstop on pace for 45 errors on the season, then tell me about controversy. I would love to hear the ululating in New York if Julio Lugo played for the Yankees. (Mostly because that would mean Julio Lugo was playing for the Yankees.)

And to wrap it up, Soxaholix presents: Youkalicious!

Know something I should be reading? Let me know!

Earlier this week I introduced you to Hoppy Papi, my new homebrew named after Boston’s favorite slugger. I showed off some of my beer label designs and encouraged you to send in your designs.

Loyal reader Wes went a step farther. He sent in a design for a Hoppy Papi pint glass. Behold:

Note that Papi is actually hopping in the photo.

This video is from Tuesday night’s Cardinals-Rockies game, which the Redbirds won 6-5.

Chipper Jones is on fire.

From the good people at the Canadian Press:

Jones hit .410 in April - an average for the month topped by only one player in the last 10 years: Barry Bonds hit .472 in April, 2004. Vladimir Guerrero also hit .410 in the opening month in 2000.

As if to make the point his stellar April was no fluke, Jones has pushed his major league-leading average to .425 for the Braves, who were off Monday and open a home series against San Diego on Tuesday.

Actually, after tonight’s two-for-four outing, Jones is hitting .429.

Bearing in mind that it’s early – very, very early – in the season, let’s take a moment to talk about Chipper Jones and his pursuit of history.

But first, a little background.

Since Ted Williams hit .406 in 1941, nobody has hit .400. Five guys have had 500+ plate appearances and hit over .375. Stan Musial hit .376 in 611 at bats in 1948. Ted Williams hit .388 in 420 at bats in 1957. Rod Carew hit .388 in 616 at bats in 1977. George Brett hit .390 in 449 at bats in 1980. And Larry Walker hit .379 in 438 at bats in 1999.

Last September, Vegas Watch (one of my favorite blogs) did a post listing the ten guys most likely to hit .400. Miguel Cabrera topped the list, followed by Albert Pujols, Vlad Geurerro and Matt Holliday.

Chipper Jones didn’t crack the top ten.

I emailed Vegas Watch’s editor to ask why. Here’s what he had to say:

The only reason he wasn’t on the list was his age. It was the guys who had the best chance of hitting .400 over their career, so that had a large effect. Also, he hit .375 in September; when I did the post, I had his three year average at .318.

That’s fair enough, I guess. A little agist, maybe. But reasonable.

Earlier today, I sent out an email to the Umpbump staff asking for their feelings about Chipper’s pursuit of .400. Here’s what Paul emailed back:

hitting .400 is now a near impossibility. chipper’s always been a high babip guy, but come on. his pitchers per plate appearance is down this year, so it’s not that he’s being more selective either. his line drive rate is a little higher than usual, but not high enough to think that the babip even has a chance of staying so high. with that said, it’s worth noting that he’s striking out a lot less than usual - and he never was a strikeout guy to begin with - which, if this continues, could very well result in a career high for batting average for him (although topping last year is really, really, really hard to do).

i think i’ve said this before, but baseball isn’t the same anymore. teams have far too much statistics on hitters’ tendencies, defensive positioning has gotten too advanced, and pitchers have become far too good for a guy to be able to hit .400 any more.

Of course, Paul is right. Hitting .400 in 2008 is a lot harder than hitting .400 in 1941. And Paul isn’t the only one who thinks so. Here’s what George Brett had to say about today’s more specialized bullpens, and the impact that has on hitters:

“Taking nothing away from Ted Williams or any of the players that have hit .400 in the past, like Rogers Hornsby, but back then, starters would pitch nine innings practically every game,” Brett said. “Teams had four starters along with guys in the bullpen, but the reason they were in the bullpen was because they weren’t good enough to be starters.”

So with all that said, what do you think, blogosphere? Will Chipper hit .400?

Personally, I think he’s going to do it.

I think Chipper is going to hit .400 because he has health, he has motivation and, frankly, he’s just that good.

Let’s start with health. For a while there Chipper was developing a reputation as another J.D. Drew, a guy who couldn’t stay on the field, who found new ways to hurt himself weekly. But last year Jones played in 134 games, his most since 2004. Moreover, he seems to have totally overcome the foot injuries that plagued him prior to 2007.

As for motivation, consider this: Last month I wrote a post asking which Braves belong in the Hall of Fame. 184 people voted and Chipper got 72 percent of the vote. This is pretty consistent with the public perception that Jones is a borderline Hall of Fame candidate. Now ask yourself this: would hitting .400 change that perception? Absolutely. Hitting .400 would stamp Chipper’s HOF ticket. And you better believe he knows it.

Finally, Chipper is good enough to hit .400. So far this season the switch hitter is hitting .440 against righties and .400 against lefties.

Here’s what AJC beat writer Dave O’Brien had to say about Hoss in an April 18 blog post:

In his past 200 games, since June 24, 2006, Chipper has hit .358 (273-for-763) with 61 doubles, 6 triples, 52 homers, 167 RBI, 113 walks, 104 strikeouts, a .437 OBP and a .658 slugging percentage.

And in 102 road games during that period he’s hit .376 (153-for-407) with 36 doubles, 5 triples, 29 homers, 86 RBI, a .445 OBP and a .703 slugging percentage. That’s a 1.148 OPS in his past 102 road games. Astounding.

Hoss is astounding. And the truly scary thing is, at the age of 36, he seems to be getting better.

That’s why I think Chipper’s going to be the first player since Ted Williams to bat .400. Because I don’t think his hot start is an anomaly. I think he has elevated his game. This isn’t a streak. This is a state of being.

That aforementioned Vegas Watch post started like this:

There is no such thing as a .400 hitter. Well, at least there never has been. People have hit .400, of course, but that’s always been something of a fluke. This is evident in the fact that Ty Cobb has the highest career BA ever, at “just” .366.

Like Cobb, Chipper isn’t a career .400 hitter.

But I think this season, Larry “Chipper” “Don’t call me ‘Hoss’” Jones will get there. And it won’t be a fluke.

Right now, he’s just that good.

The facial hair situation for the White Sox has gotten even worse since last month. At least this time it’s UFH for a good cause!

Nick Swisher gets a dye job on his UFH from Jeremy Campus, who has cancer, to raise awareness about breast cancer for Mother’s Day, which is this coming Sunday.

(Let’s hope for his sake that he got Ma Swisher some flowers instead of, say, a slightly used blow-up doll.)