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Featured posts
November 8, 2009 - 12:25 pm
What they need: 2009-2010 offseason
Here we go again. Time for another edition of our semi-annual “What They Need” series, where we play GM for all 30 teams. As usual, we’ll be suggesting subtle tweaks for some squads, and major overhalls for others. There’s already movement going on in the Hot Stove front, so there’s no time to waste!
Here’s a [...]
September 3, 2009 - 11:20 am
Teams That Were Almost Great: 2003 Los Angeles Dodgers
The 2003 Los Angeles Dodgers had one of the greatest pitching staffs the game of baseball has ever known. At the height of the steroids era, in a season when 104 players would test positive for performance enhancing drugs, the Dodgers hurlers posted a 3.16 ERA, good enough for an insane 128 team ERA+, and [...]
August 31, 2009 - 11:19 am
Can the Nationals contend next season?
Okay, so at a time when most people are debating whether or not the Washington Nationals can even break .500 next season, this is going to sound more than a little crazy, but I think the Nats have an outside chance at contending next season.
I’m not saying it’s going to happen, but I am saying [...]
June 29, 2009 - 9:30 pm
The All-Hot Team
We here at Umpbump have done quite a few all-time teams. We’ve also cataloged quite a series of Hot Baseball Wives. In this post, I will attempt the acrobatic feat of bridging the twain. Yes, reader: The All-Hot Team.
For reasons of attention span, or specifically, the lack of it, I am focusing on current major [...]



May 14th, 2006 at 4:53 pm
“You’re not going to believe this. Now my pants are chafing me.”
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May 15th, 2006 at 8:43 am
“I sure hope Sarah Green sees this picture. I was a fool to let her get away. A damn fool! Dear God, how I miss her! Sarah! If you’re out there, call me! Dammit! I told myself I wouldn’t cry!”
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May 15th, 2006 at 11:11 am
“Who’s there peaking from the showers?… why it’s the ‘wolfman’!!!”
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May 15th, 2006 at 11:46 am
Hey good pick. I was thinking when you guys were going to stop talking about wifes and start focusing on the players.. mmmm, very sexy! GOOOOO Burrell.. Pd: keep working on those muscles….
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May 15th, 2006 at 5:03 pm
Ohh, it’s the deep burn! Oh, it’s so deep! Oh, I can barely lift my right arm ’cause I did so many. I don’t know if you heard me counting. I did over a thousand.
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May 15th, 2006 at 10:50 pm
Watch your back Magnus ver Magnusson. World’s Strongest Man 2006 spells B-U-R-R-E-L-L.
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May 17th, 2006 at 4:47 pm
Wow, that chest wax sure doesn’t last too long.
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May 31st, 2006 at 4:37 pm
this is beautiful. how did i not see this column the first time around?
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April 21st, 2007 at 12:31 pm
all I can say is “Thank you Elizabeth Burrell” (Pat’s mommy)
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June 13th, 2007 at 12:17 am
Title picture for Burrell’s book, “How to Look like a Fag while Swinging Like Girl”.
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March 17th, 2009 at 5:34 pm
[...] picture of A-Rod kissing his reflection? If you think we overuse the Pat Burrell “Man or Machine” photo, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet. Tagged: A-Rod, Alex Rodriguez, Details, [...]
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