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Fatty McYap rehabs with Pawtucket

David Wells brought up David Dellucci’s name in his convo with reporters about Barry Bonds’ steroid use (see below for his thoughts on #714) on Saturday (his 43rd birthday, no less) and has since had to expend even more hot air explaining what exactly he meant by that–which just goes to show that Wells is a versatile man who can use his piehole for so much more than pie.

The original comments, in response to the question: ”Are there guys, power guys, who you say there’s no way they’re juicing, or is everybody under suspicion?”

”Now everybody is, I would think. You see a little itty bitty guy hitting 30 home runs, like Dellucci, I guess. How many home runs did he hit last year? Twenty-nine? Has he ever done that in his career? The numbers have gone down tremendously since all this has come up. You know, I know Dave. I’ve never suspected him of doing ‘em, so, you know, it’s something that, who else, who else could be? Biggio, he can hit the ball, he can make good contact. I guess if you’ve been around the game enough and know the strike zone. It’s like Wade Boggs, he never hit home runs but he could if he wanted to. He could see the ball well and he could put the bat on the ball well. BP, he was unbelievable. He could go deep at will. But to me, . . . suspicion is on everybody. There are a lot of guys who aren’t doing ‘em, there are a lot of guys who did do ‘em who aren’t doing ‘em now, and you’ve got human growth hormone, too, so, and that’s undetected. So I’m not sure everybody’s on that.”

The only part of that soliloquy the Boston Globe quoted was the first few sentences. So yesterday, peacemaker Terry Francona apologized to a “shaken” and “visibly upset” Dellucci on behalf of the entire team.

After the jump, Dellucci punches back and Wells offers his own mea culpa, in his inimitable style.

Turned his back on Wells 

Informed of Wells’s comments, the Phillies outfielder responded:

“Let me take a deep breath here…He doesn’t think sometimes before he speaks. This is the last thing I expected to hear from anybody. I’ll say this: I’ve been tested. I’ve been tested this offseason. I’ve been tested a number of times last year. I leave the stadium after midnight every night because I’m working out. I do that this year, and I did that in Texas. “Anyone that’s ever played with me knows I spend a lot of time in the weight room. Yes, I hit 29 home runs, which is the most in my career. But I also had over 500 plate appearances, which is also the most in my career. The year before, I hit 17 with 300 plate appearances. In 2001, I hit 11 with 240 plate appearances. So you do the math…It’s a huge slap in the face. I detest [steroids] just like everybody else. I’ve probably been an advocate of drug testing. For everything I do in the season, it’s a huge slap in my face….I played with [Wells] in New York [with the Yankees]. I got along great with him. I have no idea why he would bring me into it. Maybe because my home run production is down this year because I have only 34 at-bats. It’s absolutely uncalled for. If he wants to join me and work out after the game, I’ll be more than happy to see if he can go through it, and then maybe he’ll understand. I got drug tested last week, and I’ll do it every single day to make him happy. But I think everybody I’ve played with knows that I work harder than anybody else.”

Thus Wells, faced with the prospect of actual gym time, backpedaled: 

”I’ve known David for a long time. I’ve been a teammate. The guy busts his [expletive] in the gym, and he works out hard. We were just making conversation.

”I wasn’t accusing him or anything of the sort. So the [expletive] who did it, or the [expletives] who did it, I think they need to [expletive]. And you can quote me on that. [Expletives].

”Anybody who questioned that, I think it would be unfair, for remarks that reporters made and took out of context. I think that he should be cleared, and I feel bad for him. But we were just making points, and we were asking about guys who go deep and may be subjected to steroids. A lot of people would say yeah, a lot of people would say no, but it just depends on the individual.

”But I feel bad for [Dellucci], because he shouldn’t have to go through all that. Because after they came to me, they went right over to him and said, ‘Well, do you know what David Wells said?’ I would never say that about David to begin with.

”I tried calling him to clear the air with him, because that’s just bad penmanship on their part. That’s just [expletive], trying to spark up something, trying to get me in trouble again. I like talking to reporters, but not anymore. I’m done with them. Today’s the last day. You guys get the last hurrah.”

Wells, in his original comments, also offered an interesting defense of any suspicions that he might be juicing:

He also said he was tested four times last season. ”I think they should go after the guys who have been suspected of doing them,” Wells said. ”Guys who are ripped. Go get those guys.”

UmpBump translation into Wells-speak: “I’m too fat to be on the gear, guys. See this spare tire? It wasn’t caused by no [expletive] HGH. I put that gut there through hard work and [expletive]. I had to eat a lot of [expletive expletive] for that [expletive], and anyone who says otherwise is a [expletive].”

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