Here it is, July 31, trade deadline day. And I just can’t take it anymore.

At Fenway last night, I noticed that Alex Cora was in for Mark Loretta at second base. There were occasions in the game I felt that perhaps Loretta could be used to pinch-hit. And at the end of the game, which was, by then, hopeless, Terry Francona switched up the entire lineup. Out with Varitek, in with Mirabelli. Out with Manny Ramirez, in with Gabe Kapler. But Mark Loretta remainded unseen. Was he injured? Was he sick? Where was he? Then, in today’s Globe, I saw this article:

The day was rife with rumors, including one in which second baseman Mark Loretta, who was not in last night’s starting lineup, had left the ballpark before the game in street clothes. Loretta was in the dugout a few minutes before the game, in full uniform.

There are also rumors of a three-way deal dumping Mike Lowell for Julio Lugo and Scott Linebrink. Also rumors about the Sox getting Alfonso Soriano or Jason Schmidt. Boston.com’s The Buzz had this to add:

Sunday night, the Sox brass, led by Epstein, Ben Cherington, and Jed Hoyer, held a half-hour meeting with Terry Francona. The group met behind closed doors and left via the back door without comment at 12:01 a.m. You can bet at least some of the above topics were part of that conversation. Will anything come of it? We’ll know by 4 p.m.

And then, from the Boston Herald:

The Red Sox are attempting to strike a three-way deal with the Rockies and Padres, with third baseman Mike Lowell shipped out of town and first baseman Ryan Shealy arriving here from Colorado. The Sox also would presumably obtain a more-than-reputable starter.

And the Providence Journal is even saying that Roger Clemens wants to come back to Boston now, so that he can pitch for a contending team!

And the Herald says that there’s nothing to the Coco Crisp trade rumors. But will we get Kip Wells? What was that whole Andruw Jones thing?

From the Globe’s Gordon Edes: “Yes, the Sox called the Braves yesterday inquiring about what it would take to get outfielder Andruw Jones. Yes, they were told that it would cost them Jon Lester, Craig Hansen and Coco Crisp.”

Oh excuse me while I laugh hysterically.

Thank Gawd the deadline is, as I write this, chiming.

Because I’m all out of Tums, my fingernails are bitten down to the quick, and I just ripped out a large chunk of blonde hair and tried to eat it.

Well, the deadline has come and gone and I’m guessing that at this point all the trades have been announced. Here’s a look at who made out like bandits and who got robbed…

Big Winners – Yankees (Bobby Abreu, Craig Wilson, Corey Lidle), Mets (Roberto Hernandez, now have a place for Lastings Milledge to play), Rangers (Carlos Lee, Matt Stairs, Kip Wells)

Big Losers – Pirates (Shawn Chacon, Xavier Nady, minus Casey, Wells, Hernandez, Perez, and Craig Wilson), Brewers (Kevin Mench, Laynce Nix, David Bell, minus Carlos Lee), Nationals (no deal done for Soriano)

Nationals say they plan to keep Alfonso Soriano and try to resign him - Wow. Big mistake for the Nats and Jim Bowden.  There is no way in hell they resign Soriano.  Jim Bowden’s usual tricks of asking for the moon didn’t work this time.

Jeremy Affeldt and Denny Bautista to the Rockies from the Royals for minor league infielder Ryan Shealy and minor league right-hander Scott Dohmann – Weird trade for the Rockies. Shealy was blocked at first base by Todd Helton, but they got two very mediocre pitchers for him.

Julio Lugo to the Dodgers for minor league OFs Joel Guzman, Sergio Pedroza – Terrible move for the Dodgers.  They felt that they needed someone to play second base with Izturiz shipped to the Cubs for Maddux, but they way overpaid for a guy who will not have a starting job once Jeff Kent comes off the DL in 10 days.

Joel Guzman has been the no. 1 prospect in the Dodgers system for three years now, and even though his OPS at AAA this year was “only” .803, he was batting .297 with 11 home runs and is only 21 years old. But he had become expendable with the emergence of Andre Ethier in the outfield and the trade for Wilson Betemit at third (Guzman’s natural position).

Maddux to the Dodgers for Izturiz – Great move for the Dodgers, unless there are some other details that haven’t come out yet. Izturis was entirely expendable and has a degenerative condition in his throwing elbow. Maddux is an aging, declining rental, but upgrades a shaky rotation and should do a bit better in Dodger Stadium.

Kip Wells to the Rangers for AAA rp Jesse Chavez - A nice pickup for the ever-in-need-of-pitching Rangers. Wells was once great, and has been awful but improving coming off an injury. The Pirates inexplicable firesale continues. Not inexplicable that they’re doing it, but inexplicable that they’re getting almost nothing in return.

Craig Wilson to the Yankees for Shawn Chacon – Wow. I mean, wow. Just when you thought the news was bad enough for Pirates fans, this clunker of a trade comes down the wires. What a steal for the Yanks! Craig Wilson is a guy, who if the Pirates were ever smart enough to play him for a whole season, would easily hit 30-35 homers every year. He is the perfect player for the Yankees to get Andy Phillips’ anemic bat out of the lineup.

Meanwhile, Shawn Chacon has been one of the worst everyday starting pitchers in the major leagues this year.

Oliver Perez and Roberto Hernandez to the Mets for Xavier Nady - Wow. GREAT deal for the Mets. Although Oliver Perez completely melted down this year, even getting shipped back to AAA at one point, the pitcher Barry Bonds has said was the most difficult he ever faced is still only 24 years old and only two seasons removed from his 2004 campaign when he went 12-10 with a 2.98 ERA and 239 strikeouts in 196 IP.  And Rick Peterson is a great pitching coach with a history of turning young talents around.  Meanwhile, in a year when middle relievers are at a premium, Hernandez is a useful part and a perfect replacement for Duaner Sanchez, who just separated his shoulder in a taxi accident.

As for Nady, while he has certainly established himself as a reliable major league regular, he does not look to be a superstar, and was fairly expendable to the Mets, who are rich with slugging outfield types.  This does mean that Lastings Milledge is probably not going anywhere however.

More proof that the Pirates are still run by a bunch of buffoons.

Todd Walker to the Padres for minor league rp Jose Ceda - The Padres finally solve their huge season-long problem at third base with Walker, a solid hitter who originally came up as a third baseman with the Twins, but has not played regularly there in several years.

Matt Stairs to the Rangers for some minor leaguer – Meh. I wonder if Matt Stairs even qualifies as “replacement level” at any of the positions he plays. Good for the Royals to get a prospect I guess.

Kyle Lohse to the Reds for Class-A sp Zach Ward – A bit of a baffling trade for the Reds here, as the gave up a decent prospect for some very brutal numbers out of Lohse this year (7.07 ERA, .308 BAA). And his numbers don’t project well in the Great American Ball Park either.

Rheal Cormier to the Reds for Justin Germano – The Reds add another useful piece to their completely rebuilt bullpen, having already added Bray, Majewski, and Guardado.  This looks like a great deal for the Reds, who get Cormier through 2008 at a reasonable price.  Plus, Cormier is having a career year, with a 1.69 ERA and success against both righties and lefties.  Meanwhile, Germano is a marginal major league prospect at best, with a fastball that tops out at 87-88 mph.

Sean Casey to the Tigers for AA rp Brian Rogers – This trade feels like kind of a wash for the Tigers.  Sure, Chris Shelton has only hit 5 homers since May, but Sean Casey has only hit 3 home runs all year.  It’s basically giving up a bit of power for a bit more OBP and some unquantifiable “veteran leadership.” But the Tigers didn’t give up too much.

LOS ANGELES–In a last minuted trade deadline deal, the Disabled List reacquirered longtime fan-favorite Nomar Garciaparra today from the Los Angeles Dodgers in exchange for triple-A first base prospect James Loney.

Garciaparra had developed a devoted following among fans of the DL with memorable performances in several previous tours of duty, including a gorgeous wrist injury and a spectacular groin tear.

Garciaparra fills a hole in the Disabled List’s lineup with Derrick Lee likely to be forced back onto the active list any day now and longtime starter Dimitri Young having been dealt to the Tigers last week.

Meanwhile Loney, despite being a highly touted prospect, had put up feeble numbers this season, unable to produce even a single high ankle sprain let alone a career-threatening degenerative hip injury.

“Nomar has always performed well for us in the past, and we are happy to have him back,” said Disabled List GM Steve Phillips. “Although his injury production has declined a bit in recent years, we feel that he still has the ability to do some real damage to his body and help our team down the stretch.”

Although there is a chance that Garciaparra will only be a two month rental for the DL, as he is in a free agent year, Phillips indicated he was hopeful the team could resign Garciaparra to an extension before the end of the season.

This just in: the Philadelphia Phillies have pulled the trigger on a major deadline deal, sending RF Bobby Abreu and SP Corey Lidle to the Yankees in exchange for three minor leaguers. From ESPN.com:

Stark reported the Yankees will send the Phillies 20-year-old minor-league shortstop C.J. Henry — their No. 1 pick in 2005 — and 27-year-old left-handed reliever Matt Smith. The Phillies will also pick one other minor-league player from an agreed-upon list, while the Yankees will take on responsibility for Abreu and Lidle’s contracts. Abreu is owed $15 million for 2007 alone.

Abreu has a full no-trade clause in his contract and has the right to accept or reject the deal. In the past his agent has said any team trading for Abreu would have to pick up his $16 million option for 2008 to get him to waive the no-trade clause. However, Abreu himself recently has backed off that stance.

Abreu is hitting .277 with 8 home runs and 65 RBI in 99 games. He has a career batting average of .301 with 198 home runs and 841 RBI over 10 seasons.

Lidle, a right-hander, is 8-7 with a 4.74 ERA in 21 starts in 2006. In eight seasons he has a career mark of 78-69 with a 4.54 ERA.

Abreu was in the Phillies’ starting lineup Sunday but was pulled for Shane Victorino 10 minutes before their game with the Florida Marlins.

Some thoughts:

1. Phillies GM Pat Gillick has come a long way from last off-season’s assertion that he would only trade Abreu or LF Pat Burrell for top-of-the-line starting pitching. The Phillies didn’t get any starting pitching in this deal. Actually, they gave up a starting pitcher, though not much of a starting pitcher, in Corey Lidle.

2. So why was Gillick willing to trade Abreu, one of the league’s truly complete players, for just prospects and a 27 year-old reliever? It almost certainly comes down to the Phillies’ need to rebuild their farm system and the need to clear salary cap space so that Gillick can go after the major arms that he so covets.

3. Philly fans never warmed to Abreu. But at the end of the day, we’re talking about a guy with a nack for getting on base, with a cannon for an arm, who hits for power and has good speed. And what that Inquirer story doesn’t mention is that Abreu is third in the NL in OBP. How do you replace that kind of production? You don’t.

4. Abreu is joining a lineup where he’ll be surrounded by Jeter, A-Rod, Giambi, Damon and eventually Matsui and Sheffield. That’s scary. No, really. That’s just plain frightening.

5. Of course, the Yankees still need to address their pitching. Will Corey Lidle be the answer? That’s hard to imagine. But, Lidle can eat innings. And the Yankees will score runs behind him. So he’ll probably earn a few Ws.

Randy Wolf is back. Wolf is pitching today against the Florida Marlins. It is his first start since undergoing Tommy John surgery a year ago. From the Philadelphia Inquirer:

The very thought of testing his arm in a big-league game for the first time since he underwent Tommy John surgery on July 1, 2005, has the eight-year veteran feeling born again.

“I’m going to feel like it’s my first game all over again,” said Wolf. “When you get to the big leagues, you have to prove you belong. When you have this injury, you have to reprove yourself.”

The Phillies, a team with precious few opportunities to cheer these days, look forward to the proving.

“He says he’s feeling real good, and it looks like he’s ready to go,” manager Charlie Manuel said.

The Phillies have missed him, especially during their failed attempt at a wild-card berth last season, when they could have used a pitcher who was a 16-game winner and an all-star as recently as 2003.

Now, as he sets out to show he can be that mound presence again, the revitalized Wolf is looking far beyond today’s start.

“I ran into Schill right after I had surgery and he said, ‘Welcome to the second half of your career,’ ” Wolf said, referring to Curt Schilling, the former Phillies ace who had career-extending shoulder surgeries.

Tommy John surgery is a major procedure, no doubt about it. But it’s not impossible to bounce back from. Pitchers who have had the surgery and gone on to pitch for several more years include John Smoltz, Jose Mesa and Adam Eaton. Oh, and Tommy John.

Wolf’s timing is perfect. There won’t be much pressure on him to perform this season. The team has already given up on the playoffs, signified by the trades they pulled off this week, sending David Bell to the Brewers and Bobby Abreu to the Yankees. So Wolf can take his time regaining his old form.

Curtis Pride hit a home run for the Los Angeles Angels yesterday. The journeyman outfielder was called up to the team a week ago as an injury replacement. Pride’s not a young guy. He’s 37. He’s been bouncing back and forth from the minors to the majors for 14 seasons now. That’s not unusual. There are lots of guys who spend their entire careers trying to make it in the big leagues, never catching on with any one team for very long (see: Sal Fasano).

But Pride is different. He’s deaf. From Wikipedia:

Deaf at birth from rubella, Pride developed oral skills early in his life and graduated from the College of William and Mary. He did not play baseball at college but was the starting point guard on the basketball team. He also was an excellent soccer player who played for the United States at the Under 17 World Championships in China (1985). At the same time, he has been extraordinarily active in community service.

Pride was originally signed by the NY Mets, but reached the major leagues with Montreal. A left-handed hitter, with good plate discipline, some power, and considerable speed, he has never played regularly in the majors. Instead, he has pinch hit or played in the outfield, usually left or right, as an injury replacement, and is regarded as an excellent fielder with a strong arm.

Infrequent Umpbump fantasy baseball writer Zvee and I got to meet Pride a couple years ago, when we were playing in his charity wiffle-ball tournament in West Palm Beach, Fla. Pride is a great guy. He spends half his time chasing his dream of playing in the big leagues, and the other half helping to run the Together With Pride foundation, which aids hearing impaired children through a hearing aid bank.

I know the Red Sox need pitching desperately, but how weird is this offer:

The Sox this week offered center fielder Coco Crisp to the White Sox for left-handed All-Star Mark Buehrle, perhaps hoping that Buehrle’s recent struggles might persuade White Sox GM Kenny Williams to move him. But the White Sox turned the deal down.

Coco Crisp is one of GM Theo Epstein’s gems. The Sox signed him to a $15.5 million, three-year contract extension, with an option for 2010, as soon as the season started. Management has plastered his face over Boston (though the Fenway Faithful still seems to be reserving its judgment). Admittedly, he hasn’t thrived in Boston. But he hasn’t tanked either. Still, who’s going to play center for the Sox if they dump Coco “I’m the newest member of Red Sox Nation” Crisp?

It’s not that I think Crisp should stay. It’s not that I don’t want a 27-year old All-Star lefty (even one whose ERA is 11.48 in his last five starts). I’m just surprised. Stunned, even. Theo, you maverick.