In a New York Times op-ed, “Uniwatch” columnist Paul Lukas weighs in on a matter that’s been concerning me for some time. Socks:

Of this year’s 64 All-Stars, only five — Ichiro Suzuki, Barry Zito, Jim Thome, Alfonso Soriano and Brad Penny — routinely hike up their pants to expose a once-crucial element of the baseball uniform: the colored sock.

This is indeed a sad development. I, for one, am greatly in favor of ballplayers showing some leg.

Behold Exhibit A:


And Exhibit B:


“Nothing is dumpier,” writes Lukas, “Than today’s baggy, full-length pants, which look like footie pajamas.” Indeed, I think the pictures speak for themselves.

More exhibits (and Heidi Klum) after the jump.

Exhibit C:

So fresh! So clean!

Exhibit D:


Exhibit E:


Exhibit F:


Don’t Zito and Kapler just look so wholesome? And studly? And like they are not about to trip over their own pantlegs, like Kenny Rogers? As for Andruw Jones, I have to say that the full-length pantleg, even with a bit of dashing red piping down the side, is not exactly flattering. I mean, I would never wear something that made my ass look that big. But that’s just me. Perhaps it’s time for MLB to discover what generations of women have always known: color and proportion conceal all manner of sins. Now, for the benefit of all those hetero guys who may not have noticed, I feel duty-bound to point out that Derek Jeter has, by far, the best derriere in baseball. (Despite how much it pains me to say that about a Yankee, facts are stubborn things.) Much as Heidi Klum can get away with wearing the strangest things, Jeter can get away with wearing long, tapered, skintight pants. The vast majority of ballplayers are not so blessed. Remember Rod Beck?

2 Responses to “Do ya think i’m soxy?”

  1. I can see far more people are clicking on the Heidi Klum plug than anything else. Indeed, facts ARE stubborn things.

  2. Sarah Green says:

    Poor Heidi. She gets exploited by everyone…including me.

Leave a Reply

    Recent Comments

    • planet hobbywood: This is very interesting.
    • Bren: He is a awesome player and a good man.. sweet.. polite.. friendly.. down to earth.. he never acted as though he...
    • HADAJUN( Japanese): Okajima a Japanese hero?
    • Rickt: I am the biggest Cal Jr fan around but one of my good friends played minor league baseball in the Orioles...
    • HADAJUN: I wish for play in Japan. The death is regrettable.


    Subscribe via email

    Enter your email address:


Featured posts

December 5, 2011

Will anybody get elected to the Hall of Fame this year?

Last week, we asked you to vote for who you would like to see enshrined in baseball’s Hall of Fame. The verdict? If it were up to UmpBump readers, nobody would make it in. The leading vote getter (so far) is Jeff Bagwell, who has 60% support. Of course, in the real voting, players need […]

January 5, 2011

Annual UmpBump Hall of Fame Balloting: 2011 Edition

In what has become an annual tradition, we here at UmpBump cast our ballots for the Hall of Fame on the eve of the announcements of the voting for the real Hall of Fame. Voters can vote for anyone ever who has been retired from baseball for at least five years and is not already […]

October 19, 2010

Crowdsourcing the Greats: The Top 10 Managers of All Time

Now that we’ve looked at every position on the diamond, as well as relief pitchers, we are nearing the end of our “Crowdsourcing the Greats” series. But before we finish, let’s turn one more time to the internet hoi polloi for answers on who the greatest baseball manager of all time was. As usual, we […]