20 Responses to “Write Your Own Caption”

  1. Coley Ward says:

    Jeter: I’m the best SS in the world!

    Gonzo: Dude, I crap better shortstops than you.

    (grimaces. grunts.)


    Jeter: Dude, you crapped out Julio Lugo! Gross!

  2. Sarah Green says:

    The real secret behind A-Gonz’s good defensive stats…..plenty of boosts.

  3. Nick Kapur says:

    Alex shows the Red Sox what he thinks of Julio Lugo taking his job away!

  4. This is how we do squats in the Dominican!

  5. Sarah Green says:

    Here, Julio Lugo performs an interpretive dance demonstrating how he will oust Alex Gonzalez from the Red Sox infield. Lugo choreographed the piece after being inspired by a Rodin sculpture, a jujitsu competition, and the anatomy of human birth. “I wanted my position vis-a-vis Alex’s position to represent the rebirth of offensive capability at short, if you will,” said Lugo. “It’s about regeneration, the inescapable cycles of life and death, and the Oedipal urges lying fallow within us all.”

  6. A turtlehead of enormous proportions…

  7. Sarah Green says:

    Zvee my man. What is a turtlehead?? I think Dick Cheney sort of looks like a large turtle. Or tortoise. Does this have anything to do with Dick Cheney?

  8. I think there’s a whole other angle to this decision which we haven’t looked at yet. Namely, that this is only the first time McGwire will come up for a vote – he’ll still have up to 14 more chances after this year.

    I think many writers realize this, and feel like they should at least make a pretty harsh statement now, on the first ballot, before quietly voting in McGwire a few years down the road. That’s my prediction of how it will go down.

    Is McGwire a Hall of Famer? In all likelihood, yes. But does he deserve the added honor of being a first-ballot Hall of Famer? He most certainly does not.

    We are definitely not happy about what McGwire did, and we need to express our disapproval by not voting him in right away.

  9. Coley Ward says:

    Nick, I couldn’t disagree more. It’s an honor to get a Hall of Fame vote. One shouldn’t trivialize that honor by using the vote to make a statement. It’s like winning an Oscar and standing up and making a political speech. It’s just tacky.

    If the guy’s deserving, you vote for him. If he’s not, he’s not. But a player who’s not deserving one year shouldn’t be deserving the next.

  10. “I am squishing your head!”

  11. Sarah Green says:

    Alex Gonzalez tries the “between the legs” basketball dribble. Only problem—he was palming Julio Lugo’s head, not a basketball.

  12. Sarah Green says:

    Clearly we need a post on how you decide who gets on the ballot. Scott Brosius?? That’s how people are deserving one year and not the next. It’s all about who’s in your class. That’s part of why tons of players get in after they’ve been on the ballot awhile. I, for instance, am rooting for Jim Rice this year, as I do every year.

    And finally, Ward, I can’t believe you said Barry was the best player in the history of the game.

  13. Nick Kapur says:

    I disagree Coley. I don’t see writers who don’t vote Barry in on the first ballot as “trivializing” the honor of getting into the Hall of Fame. I see it as them recognizing what an additional honor it is to get in on the first ballot, and further recognizing that McGwire does not deserve that extra honor.

  14. Nick Kapur says:

    And frankly, I just can’t get all that riled up about the “sanctity” and the “honor” of the Hall of Fame. The Hall of Fame means whatever we want it to mean, and that meaning has been different over time. There are lots of people who don’t deserve to be in the Hall of Fame but are, and several people that do, but aren’t.

    Personally, I don’t think Bonds should be in the Hall, ever, so I don’t get very teary-eyed when you argue that we can’t block McGwire because then we might have to block Bonds.

    We know for a fact that both Bonds and McGwire used steroids. They’re cheaters – block em both is what I say. And the same goes for Pujols if he ever got caught, no matter how many ill-gotten MVPs he might have won afterwards.

  15. Coley Ward says:

    First of all, Sarah, I think there’s an argument to be made that Bonds is the best player ever, especially if you’re not grading on a curve b/c of the whole steroids thing. But I’m not gonna make that argument right now. I just don’t have it in me.

    Second, Nick, I agree that Bonds shouldn’t be in the hall. But I think he’ll get in. And what would really piss me off is Bonds getting in and MacGwire getting shut out. B/c where’s the justice there? Where’s the consistency? I just want baseball writers to take a stand and say, “right is right and wrong is wrong and steroids are wrong.” Or, “steroids are no big deal.” Whatever. But the same rules should apply to Bonds, MacGwire, and everybody else. It’s when baseball writers start to talk about, “would he have been hall of fame worthy if he hadn’t used steroids?” that I get really nervous. Who cares what Bonds/McGwire would have been like w/o steroids? They cheated! That should be it for them, right?

  16. Nick Kapur says:

    Okay Coley, we’re definitely on the same page now. I agree 100 percent that if Bonds is in, McGwire should be in too. Your point that their HoF fates should be tied together is right on.

  17. Sarah Green says:

    So, basically, we all agree, except perhaps for a slight discrepancy over who the best baseball player of all time is. Where’s the fun in that?

    Kumbayaaaaaaaa my lord, kumbayaaaaa.

  18. Brooks Beasley says:

    i think that mark macgwire is the best baseball prayer that ever lived because he is in it for the fun of the game and i do’t think that mark took stillords or anything like that

  19. I’m sorry if this is off-topic, but I need some feedback. Do you think extended auto warranties a good deal?

    Thanks in advance for your input.

  20. Wow, I better talk to the trainer. This jock itch is really starting to get nasty.

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