Soriano is all business. You got a problem with that?

Word out of the Braves’ spring training facility in Orlando is that newly acquired set-up man Rafael Soriano isn’t much of a people person. Atlanta Journal-Constitution blogger David O’Brien says Soriano is only interested in two things: chewing tobacco and striking guys out. From the AJC:

Atlanta’s new right-hander acts like he couldn’t care less about much except pitching. He’ll answer your questions, but it’s pretty clear he’d rather be doing something else, like blowing away hitters, for instance. Or chewing tobacco. Does that a lot.

“He’s a good kid,” manager Bobby Cox said after talking to him Friday morning and briefly explaning his role to the receptive pitcher. “I guess he’s a little cocky.”

Of course, what Bobby meant to say was, “This guy seems like a giant prick.” But he’s not allowed to say stuff like that.

Now, you might be thinking, “It’s probably not a good sign that this guy has been in camp for a week and the first thing somebody writes about him is that he’s a dick.” And you would be right.

But here’s the thing: this is the Braves. This is a team that specializes in turning assholes into team players. There’s a long list of guys who have spent successful years in Atlanta, only to move onto other teams and quickly establish reputations as clubhouse cancers. That list includes Gary Sheffield, Kenny Lofton, J.D. Drew and, of course, John Rocker.

The Braves could (inexplicably) add Cowboys wide receiver Terrell Owens to their roster and he’d fit right in. They’d give him a locker next to Chipper and the two of them would bond over their shared love of Hooters waitresses and then Chipper would convince T.O. to give country music a shot and T.O. would take Chipper to get his ears pierced. Swear to god, that’s exactly what would happen.