David Wells has diabetes. And while it’s a serious disease and shouldn’t be taken lightly, the idea of Wells having to live a beer-free and sugar-free lifestyle does tickle me, just a bit.

David WellsI know, it’s not at all PC to make fun of people with diabetes. But this isn’t exactly Lance Armstrong getting cancer or Arthur Ashe getting AIDS. This is a guy who treated his body like a dumpster for years and yet somehow has continued to qualify as a professional athlete. This is the guy who admitted he was “more than half drunk” when he pitched a perfect game for the Yankees in 1998. There is more than a little karma at work here.

Plus, the idea of Wells going into a restaurant and looking at the desert menu and then having to utter the words, “I’ll have the fruit salad” just cracks me up. Or, even better, the thought of Wells going to a bar with his teammates and asking for a glass of water. This needs to be a reality show. Or at least a Dateline special, assuming they ever take a break from doing those “To Catch a Predator” shows.

Here’s another thought: Wells is going to lose weight. A lot of weight. There’s no way that he’s going to cut rice, pasta, potatoes, white bread, fast food and alcohol from his diet without dropping at least 30 pounds in the next six months. Will this affect his pitching? Could this actually prolong his career? Wells has a 15.26 ERA through three spring outings (all three have been since he learned he had diabetes). So that doesn’t bode well. But it’s still early.

Most of all, I’m curious to see what will skinny Wells look like?

One thing’s for sure, Wells probably shouldn’t be hanging out with Greg Maddux. A friend once told me that Maddux goes to Burger King before each of his spring training starts and orders a Whopper, fries and a Coke, and then dumps the trash in the back of his rental car. I think we can draw two conclusions from that story. One, rental car companies in Florida and Arizona hate Greg Maddux. And two, Wells would probably be better off dining in the company of the Giles brothers. Heck, just riding shotgun in Maddux’s car could cause him to have a carb relapse. He should probably just stay away from that guy altogether.

2 Responses to “David Wells has Diabetes”

  1. You read it here first… I predict that if he does lose weight he will sustain a season ending injury.

    You know he’ll be unconsciously overcompensating at some point and will slip a disc in his back which will leave him in constant pain, or he’ll have some kind of hip injury.

  2. That is the funniest thing I’ve read all fricking day. Good God that’s funny stuff.

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