An argument I can swallow

As part of a new philanthropic venture, three Red Sox players have teamed up with Charity Wines, a subset of VinLozano Imports, to produce three different wines. About three-quarters of the profits will then go to a charity of each player’s choice. Needless to say, the scheme is ideally suited for a state famous for its Chardonnay-sipping do-gooders. Now doing good and getting sloshed can be one and the same!

The vino, produced under the label “Longball Vinyards,” doesn’t debut until May of this year, when it will be available in New England liquor stores, restauarnts, and of course Fenway Park. But aside from, you know, helping people, by far the best thing about this project is the naming of each varietal. Ladies and gentlemen….I give you Schilling Schardonnay (benefitting Curt’s Pitch for ALS, natch), CaberKnuckle (benefitting Tim Wakefield’s Pitching In For Kids), and my personal favorite, Manny Being Merlot (benefitting, like, Florida kids…or something).

Why stop there? Why not introduce a Papi Pinot or a Fenway Fume? And, of course, for all the Japanese tourists, some Matsu-sake? We could even branch out into charity beer. I’m thinking “Wily Mo Porter.” I’m thinking “Coco’s Crisp IPA…packed with good hops!” Even hard alcohol wouldn’t be off-limits. Think how much money the top-shelf stuff would make (you know, for the children).  “Varitek Vodka: Intangibly Smooth.”

Now if only Dunkin Donuts would follow through on the marketing ploy of my dreams, the PapelBun (the breakfast pastry you can count on!), we would almost have ourselves a meal.