• HaroldHecuba: Mike Mussina is EASTERN EUROPEAN, not Italian....

Neil DiamondOK. I get it. Sometime between my junior high dances and 2006, Ottawan’s classically asinine “Hands Up” has been replaced by Neil Diamond’s “Sweet Caroline” as the song most likely to make people with no rhythm jump up and “dance”.

Personally, I blame Jason Biggs, Steve Zahn and Jack Black. Equally to blame are the marketing geniuses over at Fenway Park, who made “Caroline” a staple in their in-between innings entertainment. Up until last year, I was fine with this. As long as this idiosyncratic ritual was a Fung-Wah bus trip away from me, it did me very little harm.Ottawan

Then it happened. It was an invasion of epical proportions on my sensibilities. Shea Stadium hopped on the bandwagon. I cannot pinpoint exactly the date and time this started, except that I noticed it this past October. And it was there again this past Saturday when I made my first of many pilgrimages to wonderful Flushing, Queens (has a great ring to it, don’t you think?) in 2007. The worst part of it was that I’d say nearly half the stadium was into it. Doing the whole “Look, ma! I can open my palms every time Neil says Sweet Caroline!” thing, along with the ironically awful “SO GOOD!” chant.

Gary GlitterNow I have never been a fan of stadium music to begin with, especially since Gary Glitter was charged of abusing children in Vietnam thus making me feel queasy every time I hear “Rock and Roll (Part Two)” for all of eternity. There is just far too much Good Charlotte in this world. And “Sweet Caroline” is probably better than Yankee Stadium’s penchant for “YMCA” as performed by their grounds crew. But this is almost at that level.

So to the good people at Shea Stadium, I implore you. Leave Neil Diamond to Boston. They can have him. I do not want any song that has been covered by Guster (this is true) playing at a Mets game. To top it off, Neil Diamond himself admitted that he wrote “Sweet Caroline” right after he ran over a child with a car and left her for dead.

Or was that Will Ferrell? I don’t know.

Shea Stadium

3 Responses to “Studies Show That White People Love Neil Diamond”

  1. Nick Kapur says:

    Nice post, Alejandro. I wish we would just get on with our world and start dealing with Cuba in a rational fashion.

    I mean, seriously, how long ago was it that the Cold War ended, now?

  2. Coley Ward says:

    Contreras’ inconsistencies early in his MLB career were attributed to nervousness over his family’s situation. Once the successfully defected, he started pitching better.

    How much of Contreras’ current struggles are mental and how much are a result of him being really, really old is anybody’s guess.

  3. Sarah Green says:

    Lame-o New York copycats!

Leave a Reply

Marketplace

    Subscribe via email

    Enter your email address:

    Archives

What's Popular

Featured posts

220px-Bbwaa_logo_web

December 5, 2011

Will anybody get elected to the Hall of Fame this year?

Last week, we asked you to vote for who you would like to see enshrined in baseball’s Hall of Fame. The verdict? If it were up to UmpBump readers, nobody would make it in. The leading vote getter (so far) is Jeff Bagwell, who has 60% support. Of course, in the real voting, players need […]

January 5, 2011

Annual UmpBump Hall of Fame Balloting: 2011 Edition

In what has become an annual tradition, we here at UmpBump cast our ballots for the Hall of Fame on the eve of the announcements of the voting for the real Hall of Fame. Voters can vote for anyone ever who has been retired from baseball for at least five years and is not already […]

According to the internet, "The Little Napoleon" John McGraw was the greatest manager of all time.

October 19, 2010

Crowdsourcing the Greats: The Top 10 Managers of All Time

Now that we’ve looked at every position on the diamond, as well as relief pitchers, we are nearing the end of our “Crowdsourcing the Greats” series. But before we finish, let’s turn one more time to the internet hoi polloi for answers on who the greatest baseball manager of all time was. As usual, we […]