I debated writing about A-Rod’s arm candy because:

1. “Ballplayers sleep around” is not news.
2. It just feels like Clinton & Lewinski all over again. Who cares if A-Rod is cheating? As Charles Barkley would say, “I’m an athlete, not a role model.”
3. There’s no smoking gun. If I’m gonna accuse a guy of cheating, I want to see a dress with a stain on it. Nobody even saw these two kiss!

I’m not saying I feel bad for A-Rod. Cheating is wrong. But now I see why Manny wants to get out of Boston so bad. Cheating…um…I mean PLAYING in those big media markets is tough.
Still, I’m writing about A-Rod now, not because I think his sex life matters, but because I’m curious about the fallout. Will this scandal hurt A-Rod? Or will this be his Paris Hilton sex tape, catapulting him to even greater stardom?

Frankly, I can see it going either way. After he beat the wrap on rape charges, Kobe Bryant grew a goatee and embraced the roll of NBA villain. It was the best thing that ever happened to him.

Maybe the same fate awaits A-Rod. He’s always been a little too pretty. A little too squeaky clean. But overnight, he goes from prick to badass. From the kind of guy who thinks he’s better than everyone to the kind of guy who IS better than everyone, as evidenced by the hot bleachy blonde stripper with whom he’s (presumably) knockin’ boots.

Then again, maybe the scandal distracts A-Rod and his offensive numbers plummet.

Like I said, I could see it going either way.

So it’s not news that the White Sox catcher is seen as a villain, a “cancer” in some circles, and generally makes headlines for what some may perceive as annoying antics and gimmicks. Sure A.J. can get on your nerves, anyone can get on your nerves, but the dark cloud floating over his head has constantly, and repeatedly, caused otherwise trivial situations to become some sort of controversy.

Well, it’s Pierzynksi, whadaya expect.

Right, except it’s really becoming yesterday’s news when an incident involving him is suddenly blown out of the water.

All of last week, the White Sox club house was inundated with questions regarding A.J.’s remarks on Mike North’s radio show; Guillen stepped in, twice, and Buehrle chimed in as well.

It finally appeared to be put to rest Monday after Buehrle and Pierzynski talked. That is, until Wednesday, when there was allegedly more smoke.

”You start worrying about what A.J. says and does? No, no, that’s my problem,” Guillen said. ”When I talked to A.J., I said, ‘Listen, I hope this is the last time you do that.”’
So why is Guillen so defensive about Pierzynski? After all, it was less than two weeks ago that Guillen talked about how hard Pierzynski was to manage.

It’s because Guillen considers his catcher an example of how he wants his team to play.
”Yes, without a doubt,” he said. ”But in the meanwhile, take it from me because I’m the voice and face of the ballclub, sometimes you have to be real careful what you say. And you never say anything about your teammates because look what happens.”

Well, I don’t see where that “alleged” new controversy came from, but I digress.

Sure enough, Pierzynksi’s rabbit foot for trouble lit up again early this week when the Twins accused their former catcher of stepping on poor baby Justin Morneau’s foot as he ran-out a double play. What a crock. I was watching the game and Pierzynksi did not even try to touch Morneau.

If he would’ve tried; he would’ve gone out of his way. I mean, he would’ve gone Albert Belle on him.

“Let’s be honest here: If I’m going to go out of my way to try to get somebody, I’ll get them,” Pierzynski said. “One thing about me, if I’m going to get them, I’ll get them.”

“A.J. plays hard, but I don’t think A.J. is a dirty player,” Guillen added. “Dirty players fight and he doesn’t fight. When you are dirty, you are a fighter. A.J. is just a gamer. I don’t think he did it on purpose.”

Guillen sent a message to this effect to the Twins clubhouse on Tuesday, adding that he understands the Minnesota players were upset and protecting their superstar, but the reaction might have been a bit unnecessary. In typical old-school fashion, Guillen also added if someone had a problem with Pierzynski, then settle it man-to-man and not in the press.

So let’s be clear as to what’s going on. Beat writers who can’t find a story must dig it out of ther shirt pockets, or out of a quote machine like Ozzie and Pierzynski. That’s what propagates his “bad boy persona”.
What a crock.

And now A.J. is thinking he could get traded because of all the crap that surrounds him?

A.J. Pierzynski is one of the most durable catchers in baseball.

But he’s concerned that the controversy surrounding him could shorten his tenure with the White Sox.

“Of course, I’d love to stay here,” Pierzynski said Tuesday, one day after he was accused of spiking Minnesota’s Justin Morneau. “It’s not ultimately my decision. I don’t want other [stuff] to factor in instead of just baseball. That’s the thing that bothers me more than anything.

“I can handle it, I can handle whatever has been said. I can handle people talking [trash] or whatever, it doesn’t bother me. I’ve pretty much had it all said or written about me anyway.”

Pierzynski is signed through 2008 and the Sox don’t have a catching prospect projected as a starter, although Double-A Birmingham catcher Donny Lucy has shown considerable improvement.

But Pierzynski has become increasingly irritated that his teammates are asked about him constantly.

Thanks MSM, way to blatantly fabricate a story by taking quotes out of context! This is just pathetic.

Mets: The Mets have a lights-out closer (Wagner), an MVP candidate (Reyes) and several big bats (Beltran, Delgado, Wright). So they really don’t need much.

Coming into the season, the Mets biggest worry was their aging starting staff. It still is. Tom Glavine has been marching dutifully towards 300 wins, but one has to wonder how long he can keep it up. Oliver Perez has been surprisingly good, if inconsistent. Orlando Hernandez has spent a good bit of time on the DL. This staff might be enough to get the Mets to the playoffs, but it’s hard to imagine these guys will lead them to a World Series championship. There’s no ace on this staff. But there could be if Dontrelle Willis became available and the Marlins got interested in Lastings Milledge.

Braves: After an encouraging start to the season, times are suddenly tough for the Bravos. Their best reliever to this point, Mike Gonzalez, will need elbow surgery and is lost for the year. Tim Hudson, who was unhittable in April, has been very hittable in May. Andruw Jones has been a shadow of his former self. And Chipper Jones managed to injure both hands on the same play — and there wasn’t even a piano or anvil involved.

If the Braves are going to catch the Mets, they need a healthy Chipper and a robust Andruw. But most of all, they need their starting pitching to step it up. Smoltz needs his latest injury to be minor. Hudson needs to rediscover his confidence. And Chuck James (I’m Chuck James, Bitch!) and Kyle Davies need to pitch up to their abilities.

Phillies: It’s no secret that the Phillies’ Achilles heel is their bullpen. Tom Gordon is out. Brett Myers may be lost for the year as well. So what’s a GM to do? Pray, for starters. And then try to pry David Weathers from the Reds, and sign the newly unretired Troy “I’m not dead yet” Percival.

Marlins: This young squad isn’t going anywhere this year. But if you’re a Florida fan, the future is bright. Hanley Ramirez, Josh Willingham, Miguel Cabrera — these guys are for real.

The fish are a few bullpen arms and some veteran experience away from a string of playoff births. The Marlins tried to trade for a closer earlier in the season, but ended up with an injured Jorge Julio. The time might be right to trade SP Dontrelle Willis. Hitters seem to have figured him out. The Marlins need a top of the rotation pitcher. Whether that comes in the form of a reinvigorated Willis or a free-agent acquisition, it needs to happen.

Nationals: I mean, let’s be honest, the Nationals need help at pretty much every position. I don’t even know where to begin. So I won’t.

With all the fun news coming out over the past couple of days, I’ve decided to channel my inner Buster Olney and post some links. In an incredibly haphazard manner.

· Have we really reached a point in our discussions concerning Barry Bonds where columnists can create a completely fictional scenario based upon the imagination of the writer of a Wesley Snipes movie and call it an article? If so, we all should just go home. NEXT UP: If aliens invade San Francisco on the Fourth of July, would Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum save Barry Bonds?

· “When you start with the threats and the guns, that can get out of control” – Gary Sheffield

· Who is less likable - A.J. Pierzynski or this guy?

· I wasn’t surprised to hear that Jonny Gomes was demoted to AAA. Nor was I surprised to hear he threw a fit and reportedly “punctuated his argument by throwing the fan mail that was stacked in his box”. I WAS surprised to hear that Jonny Gomes had fans.

· Little known fact: The Washington Nationals have won 12 of their last 17 games, which does me no favors in my quest to make a convincing argument that the National League isn’t that bad. Especially considering that 2 of those 5 losses came against the Orioles.

· I know this is a little late, but I am currently awaiting word as to whether or not Murray Chass and Nate Silver will go toe-to-toe in a “Buried Alive” wrestling match. My money’s on Chass – how do you kill the undead?

Yesterday, Andruw Jones hit a game-winning home run. But that was a blip on the radar. Otherwise, this season Jones has been terrible. His swing is a mess. In a game against the Red Sox recently he struck out five times.

In his Saturday column, AJC sports writer Mark Bradley suggests Andruw’s prolonged slump might hurt his chances at a big contract.

Of course, as Bradley suggests, the more affordable Jones gets, the better the chances that the Braves will keep him.

If they still want him.

Braves hitting coach Terry Pendelton says it’s possible Andruw is worrying about his contract status.

Andruw says that’s not true. But contract or no, there’s one more thing for Andruw to worry about. ESPN stat-head Jason Stark has a new book coming out, The Stark Truth: The Most Overrated and Underrated Players in Baseball History, and in it he calls Jones “the most overrated center fielder of all time.”

Ouch.

A few days ago, ESPN.com ran an excerpt from Stark’s book, the part where he describes Jones as the most overrated center fielder of all-time. Jones quotes scouts. But the best quote comes from an anonymous player:

“It’s all perception,” said one player who has played against Jones for years. “Perception is like muscle memory. People have a memory of you doing something. So you have to do something dramatically different to undo that memory.”

But, this being a Jayson Stark book, it all comes down to stats. Stark uses some complicated ones, relying heavily on zone rating. I won’t go into here. But check it out. And then make sure you read the counterpoint from JC Bradbury over at Sabernomics. That guy is a nerd, in the best sense of the word.

I was always under the impression that Jones was the most UNDERRATED center fielder of all time. That’s what my Braves-fan friends were always telling me, anyway.

Until a couple of years ago I always thought that Andruw was a good defensive outfielder who brought little offense. Then he started putting up steroid numbers and my perception of him changed. He went from “good but incomplete” to “wow” status overnight.

Now, two months into the season, Jones isn’t hitting his weight. And speaking of his weight…well, he’s fat. And he doesn’t play center field the way he used to.

Jones has put up some respectable numbers over his 12 year career: 350 HR, 1056 RBI, .265 AVG., .344 OBP. Most impressive of all, of course, is his nine consecutive gold glove awards, a streak that he hopes to continue this season.

If you listen to the Braves announcers talk, Jones is a Hall of Fame candidate. I’m not so sure. What do you think?

PS. Stark solicits book jacket quotes from Mike Greenberg and Peter Gammons, but the best quote comes from former Pirates CF Andy Van Slyke, who says, “if this book doesn’t end up in Oprah’s Book Club, then Oprah’s list is overrated.”

Classic.

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution today has a feature about the clubhouse guy whose job it is to rub the balls with dirt before each game.

I already new teams dirtied up their balls, but I didn’t know they had a special kind of dirt.

From the AJC:

They use a special mud sent by Major League Baseball to every team for consistency: Lena Blackburne’s Original Baseball Rubbing Mud, which comes from a secret spot in the Delaware River in New Jersey.

…

One tub of the mud (which retails for $51.75 in the 32-ounce version) will last an entire season. Before Blackburne discovered the “magic mud” in the late 1930s, teams used dirt from the playing field.

Now, there are a lot of products that have come out that have prompted me to say, “Jeez, why didn’t I think of that?” Baseball mud is not one of those products.

Lena Blackburne’s website explains the very scientific process that her company uses to acquire and distribute the mud.

Each July the Bintliff crew heads a boat out to the “ole mud hole” and scoops up hundreds of pounds of the “Magic Mud”, enough for one season. Then the precious product rest in barrels until the next spring when it’s packed and shipped to each of the major league teams, minor league teams, most independent leagues and many colleges in time for opening day.

Who’d a thunk that there’s actually a market out there for a special kind of mud to rub on baseballs?

Did anyone else notice that the ending of yesterday’s game between the Yankees and the Angels bore quite a resemblance to a certain poem of some note?  The resemblance was especially clear to me upon reading the article about it in the LA Times.

I felt inspired to take a crack at putting the final moments of the game into verse, and here’s what I came up with:

# # #

The outlook wasn’t brilliant for the Gotham nine that day:
The score stood four to two, with but one inning left to play.
And now with K-Rod on the mound, the Angels in the lead,
There seemed but little chance the Yanks could get the runs they’d need.

A straggling few got up to go in deep despair. The rest
Clung to that hope which springs eternal in the human breast;
They thought, if only “Captain Clutch” could get a whack at that -
We’d put up even money, now, with Jeter at the bat.

But Abreu preceded Jeter, plus Posada, Cabrera, and Damon,
That the Yankees’ hopes were slim was clear, even to a baseball layman.
So upon that stricken multitude grim melancholy sat,
For there seemed but little chance of Jeter’s getting to the bat.

Abreu walked, no big surprise, Posada’s single bored them,
But then Damon’s groundout moved them up, and Melky’s sac fly scored one!
And when the dust had lifted, and they saw what came to be,
There was Posada hugging third, and the score just four to three!

Then from 10,000 throats and more there rose a lusty roar;
It rumbled through Manhattan, it washed the Jersey shore;
It echoed off the Hudson and the fans could hardly wait,
For Jeter, mighty Jeter, was advancing to the plate.

There was practiced ease in Jeter’s manner as he took his rips;
All businesslike was Jeter’s mein, no smile on Jeter’s lips.
And when, despite the pressure, Jeter’s face betrayed no fear.
No stranger in the crowd could doubt ’twas Jeter they did cheer.

The announcers spouted Jeter man-love, recounting all his stats,
His famous flip to nail Giambi, and all his clutch at-bats;
.488 with runners on, a figure mighty fine,
Runners on base and two men out? An amazing .609!

They gazed in admiration as up to the plate he pranced;
They screamed their adulation as he dug into his stance.
And now as K-Rod toed the mound, the ball held at his hip,
Defiance shone in Jeter’s eyes, a sneer curled Jeter’s lip.

Eight times Rodriguez kicks and deals, firing to the plate full-bore
But Jeter works the count to full, and then fouls off three more!
Fastballs, 96 at least, and sliders on the black,
But Jeter keeps on hanging tough, his focus never slacks.

That sneer once more curls Jeters’s lip, the time for toying’s past;
‘Twas plain the next pitch K-Rod threw would be the ballgame’s last.
And now the hurler holds the ball, and now he lets it fly,
Now Jeter swings, his swing is true, ball soaring through the sky!

Oh, somewhere in this dark, dark world, the rain is pouring down;
Hearts are being broken, and somewhere people frown,
Oh, somewhere men are weeping, and somewhere clouds are black;
But all true fans are smiling now—Jeter flied out to the track!

Alright, let’s figure out what these teams need to win it all (or make me look like a genius, whichever comes first). I’ll go down the order reflecting today’s standings.

Cleveland Indians: Play some make up games…

Really. The Indians have been very good this year, they’ve scored runs when needed and they’ve pitched effectively when the run support hasn’t been there. But it’s the offense that’s been the catalyst this early in the season – they’re second in the league in runs scored, second in runs batted in, and third in on-base percentage.

Their starting pitching has been there too. Though they’ve employed the services of six starters, three of those have been quality material. Staff Ace C.C. Sabathia has been a stud, going 6-1 with a 3.51 ERA, while Fausto Carmona (2.77 ERA) and Paul Byrd (3.81) have identical 5 and 1 records. Cliff Lee, 2-1, has had brushes with success, but he’s also been disastrous, posting a bloated 5.93 ERA. Their other two starters, Jeremy Sowers and Jake Westbrook might be the prototype fifth starter, destined only to chew-up innings, while keeping the team in the game, hoping the offense pick them up in the end. Their records, 1-4, 1-2, and their ERA, 6.29, 7.90 respectively, though, are not inspiring.

The only problem has been the bullpen; out of the seven relievers that have pitched more than 11 innings, only two have an era under 2.00, while the rest have a 3.10 or higher earned run average.

The Indians have to keep it consistent all season long and they’ll be right there when it’s all said and done. Considering the fact that they still have to play those make up games with Seattle, they might even have a better record than they do now.

Detroit Tigers: Have patience….

The Tigers are anticipating a return trip to the playoffs. The air in this weekend’s series with Cleveland has been filled with aromas of contention, and keep in mind that yesterday’s was the first of 18 meetings between these two teams. Again, it’s the offense that has this team half a game out in the division, and leading the way is a reinvigorated Magglio Ordóñez, he leads the team in average, home runs, runs batted in, runs scored, and on-base percentage.

Gary Sheffield has picked up the pace after a disastrous start, hitting a few points below .300 in May. But if we’re going to point out “what they need,” I’d say their corner infielders have to provide a better offensive presence. Third baseman Brandon Inge has a depressed .218 average, with 17 RBI, while Sean Casey has a meh .259 average, zero home runs and only 9 RBI in 147 AB.

Though the team had a scare due to Jeremy Boderman’s trip to the DL, he returned in top form, blanking out the Angels in 8 innings of work. He would’ve finished the complete game gem, but manager Jim Leyland decided to play it safe.

Chicago White Sox: Ozzie Guillen to shut. Up.

And let the team do it’s thing. I have to say, Ozzie’s been a distraction; first there was his rant on Mike North’s show, which then turns into A.J. Pierzynski getting into some weird thing with Mark Buehrle. Now Ozzie’s been issuing warnings for the past two weeks; the hitters, the bench, then the relievers. Good thing the starters have done their job, otherwise Guillen would be pointing the finger at everybody.

But really, what the Sox need is to stop relying on the long ball and start hitting for average. Yes, Thome was out (and Podsednik is still out), but the Sox are dead last in runs scored (and far behind KC); dead last in RBI (and far behind Baltimore); dead last in batting average (and far away behind Texas); dead last in on-base percentage –do we see a pattern?– and yes (way, far behind Baltimore). Scottie Pods is not going to be the difference in any of those categories.

The Sox had a recent offensive outburst, scoring 10 runs for the first time, following that with an 8 run performance. But that’s all we Sox fans have seen. If your offense doesn’t produce, your relievers are going to have to be perfect almost every time out. That’s just not going to happen.

Ozzie, shut up (at least some); Sox, score some runs.

Minnesota Twins: A new stadium, like, NOW (AKA, money, money, money)

Watching a Sox-Twins game recently, I was listening as their TV people discussed the opening of the new Twins stadium in 2010. They culled figures as to how many people were going to be there every day, packing the new ball park and providing the Twinkies with much needed cash flow, ensuring the team a chance to sign proven free agents, and to keep their talent at home. Wait… it’s not as if the Twins play before a field of cornstalks every day now; people do come out to the games – so what gives? I’m not sure, and I better leave all the stadium economics to Nick.

But really, had the Twins opened their new stadium this year, and thus lined their pockets with some more cash, they might not be facing the prospect of having their Ace Johan Santana opting to test the free agent market, or their veteran leader Torii Hunter for that matter.

In actual baseball terms, aside from their stars (well, Morneaou really), the Twins have no offensive weapons (I mean, c’mon, how long did you thing the whole piranha thing was really going to last? Nick Punto?!). Plus, Joe Mauer’s been hurt.

Combine that with the necessity to sign Sidney Ponson (Sidney Ponson!) and Ramon Ortiz to be the back of their rotation, and the prospects are bleak at best. The Twins have started to slide, but, of course, they’ll probably find a way to win as they always do. I’m just not sure how they’ll do it this year.

Oh and when one of their star bloggers, Bat Girl, calls it quits, then you know the shit’s hit the fan.

Kansas City Royals: Are you serious?

The Kansas City Royals need… well, they need to stop signing “super subs” to be their every day players; the need to stop signing overpriced, unproven veterans to front their rotation, and they need to keep their young talented stars.

You can start by moving to another city, or perhaps coaxing the locals to pay up for a new stadium, or, better yet, spend those revenue sharing dollars on things other tan Gil Meche. Then you guys will contend.

Jumping on Nick’s bandwagon, here’s a look at how the teams in the AL West are looking so far in 2007 and “what they need”.

Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim: Reliable Power Threat Not Named After An Impaler

The Angels of Wherever There’s A Big Market are currently tops in the AL West. They have one of the most talented starting rotations in all of baseball (Lackey, Escobar, Weaver, Colon, and the lesser Santana) with a decent bullpen anchored by K-Rod and the underappreciated Scot Shields (although the less innings given to Darren Oliver, the better).  The entire corps of young arms have thus far compiled a team ERA of 3.68, good enough for 6^th out of the 30 teams.  

They could, however, use more power at the plate. Their undisputed best hitter is of course Vlad Guerrero. But who’s their second best? The answer could be second baseman Howie Kendrick, but he has just returned from the DL where he spent over a month rehabbing a broken finger. But how much can a playoff contender rely upon a hitter with only 321 at-bats in his big league resume? The front office probably expected Garret Anderson to fill this offensive void but he’s been gone for the past month with a torn hip flexor tendon (which makes me cringe even writing it), and it can easily be argued that counting on him was a mistake to begin with since he has not been a major offensive threat in quite some time. I’ve been surprised by the offensive output thus far from Orlando Cabrera and Reggie Willits, without whom the Angels offense, I suspect, would be among the bottom third in MLB. Can those two guys keep up their high levels of performance? It’s certainly possible, but even if they could, neither would ever be considered power threats.  

Many teams in baseball would love to be in the position that the Angels currently find themselves in as a team leading their division with a roster full of promising players such as Casey Kotchman, Kendrick, Kendry Morales, and Brandon Wood. They could possibly decide that they have a great chance to win this year and trade away either Morales or Kotchman for another power bat. Perhaps Toronto, who must know that 2007 is all but over, would be willing to trade Troy Glaus (who would then have to waive his no-trade, and in turn, would most likely demand a contract extension to do so). Unless Chone Figgins proves that he can still be a productive player, the Angels do have a hole at third base until Wood is ready.  

It would also help if they picked a name and stuck with it. 

Texas Rangers of Arlington: An Idea About How To Build A Pitching Staff 

Even in the mediocre AL West, the Rangers are already out of it. And it ain’t the offense’s fault. The Rangers have thus far scored 235 runs, good enough for fifth place in baseball. But when your team ERA is 5.12, wins are going to be few. Among their SPs, the lowest ERA currently belongs to Robinson Tejeda, who sports a 5.18. He’s their best. Their worst belongs to Kevin Millwood, whose $60m contract signed in late 2005 has given the team a 2007 ERA of 6.62.  

The problem is that this is not an isolated instance. Since the Y2K phenomenon died out, the Rangers starters (there were 57 different pitchers) have combined for an ERA of 5.37.

Before we blame The Rangers Ballpark at Arlington (which is a 2007 nominee for the stupidest name for a baseball field) for its propensity to be a hitter’s park, let’s sit back and think of one good starting pitcher to wear a Rangers uniform over the past eight seasons.  Not easy to do, is it? The closest you’ll find is Chris Young (and no, Chan Ho Park does not count) or possibly Kenny Rogers, but neither are/were legitimate aces. The team appears to be unable to lure any of the top free agent pitchers in any season and is paying mediocre pitchers like Millwood and Padilla top money, making them nearly untradable unless they swallow a majority of the contact, which is unlikely since they’re still paying for a good chunk of A-Rod’s contract. Perhaps their younger guys like Tejeda, Cameron Loe, and Brandon McCarthy could grow into the core of the staff. But judging by their past front office moves (I still don’t know why they traded away Chris Young), they may not be given the chance to grow.  

Oakland Athletics of Oakland: Health 

In what is becoming an annual off-season ritual, Oakland let go one of their highly regarded pitchers in Barry Zito figuring they can sufficiently replace him with far cheaper options. Once again, they have been proven correct. Anchored by Joe Blanton, Chad Gaudin, Danny Haren, and Joe Kennedy they have managed to compile the second best team ERA in all of baseball at 3.40.  What’s even more amazing is that they’ve succeeded even without unquestionably their most talented pitcher, Rich Harden.

Their list of injured players goes on: Milton Bradley, Mike Piazza, Justin Duchscherer, Huston Street, Mark Kotsay, Esteban Loaiza, etc, etc, etc.  And yet, the A’s are in second place and certainly have the talent to make a run a division leading Anaheim.

Dan Johnson is beginning to look like he was deserving of the hype. Jack Cust fulfilled his baseball destiny when he was traded to Oakland from San Diego earlier this month and is already regarded by some as one of the top DHs in the league. Even Travis Buck has contributed, slugging over .500 so far. If Huston Street, and Rich Harden can come back healthy (always a big if), they should be all the help that the team may need. 

Seattle Mariners of Seattle: Less Bill Bavasi 

On paper, the Mariners have a decent lineup: Ichiro, Beltre, Sexson, Johjima, Ibanez, etc. In actuality, three of those five names have been less than, well, good.

Beltre, Sexson, and Ibanez have hit a combined .227 AVG, .300 OBP and .371 SLG. Oh, and did I mention these three are earning $31m this year? 

The man responsible is their GM, Bill Bavasi, who has been in the position since November 2003. He signed Both Sexson and Beltre in early 2005, committing $114m for these two players.  In addition, he signed Jarrod Washburn for $37.5m/4 yrs, gave Miguel Batista $25m/3yrs, talked himself into “gambling” on one year-deals for Jose Guillen and Jeff Weaver for a combined $13.825m, and actually traded for Jose Vidro and in doing so agreed to pay $12m out of the remaining $16m on his contract.  

All in all, the team has a $106m payroll and is yet going nowhere. In fact, over his 4 years as GM, Seattle ownership (Nintendo) have given him $363.69m to spend on his baseball team. He inherited a roster that had averaged over 100 wins in the three seasons prior to him taking over. Since he’s taken the helm, they’ve averaged 70. Only in baseball can a man so inept at his job keep it for so long.

Continuing our tour of the majors to find out what each team needs more than anything else, we turn now to the NL West… 

Dodgers – a power hitter

The Dodgers are second to last in the National League in home runs, ahead of only the hapless Cardinals, and their .370 team slugging percentage puts them in company with such similarly punchless teams as the Nationals and the Pirates.  Jeff Kent leads the team with 7 homers and is on pace for 25 on the season. No other Dodger projects to hit even 20.

Padres – a third baseman

The neverending quest continues.  After last season, in which they tried out the likes of washed-up players such as Vinny Castilla, Mark Bellhorn, Todd Walker, and Russ Branyan at third base, the Padres thought they had finally solved their third base conundrum (at great expense) by trading their everyday second baseman Josh Barfield to the Indians for hot prospect Kevin Kouzmanoff.  Instead Kouzmanoff has batted .202 in 114 at bats.   That actually represents an improvement, as Kouzmanoff has gone 12-23 over the past week – two weeks ago, he was batting .108.  The Dodgers have actually gotten worse production out of Wilson Betemit, but at least they have top prospect Andy LaRoche if he can’t turn it around.  Kouzmanoff might continue his hot hitting and eventually right the ship, but if he can’t, the Padres have nobody to fall back on, and when I say nobody I mean nobody at all.

Diamondbacks – a catcher

Before the season started, Baseball Prospectus praised the hitting abilities of Miguel Montero and the defensive skills of Chris Synder, and wrote that together they “will form a productive, low-cost catching tandem for a few years.” Instead, the D-Backs got an as-yet-unnamed comedy act of some sort – I’m still debating between “The Two Stooges” and “Worse and Worser.” Arizona catchers are last in the entire National League with a .193 batting average and a .541 OPS, and it’s not really even close.

Rockies – a catcher

Although they have not been quite as hopeless at the plate as the D-Backs’ catchers, Rockies catchers Yorvit Torrealba and Chris Iannetta have been pretty lackluster as well, posting a .220 batting average and only 1 home run between them. Although it’s true that catcher is a defensive skill position, numbers like that are simply unacceptable in this day and age, and when you play half your games in Coors Field, downright unforgivable, as in Dan Dowd should track them down across the icy arctic wastes and slay them in cold blood if they don’t start hitting soon.

Giants – anyone under 30

Check out the ages of the Giants current lineup:

Dave Roberts - 35
Randy Winn – 33
Rich Aurelia – 35
Barry Bonds - 42
Ray Durham – 35
Ryan Klesko – 36
Pedro Feliz – 32
Benji Molina – 32
Omar Vizquel – 40

Average age – 35.6

The 2006 version of the Giants set the all time record for the oldest team in baseball history, and the 2007 team has a good shot to surpass them, with Klesko and Aurelia replacing the younger Lance Niekro and Shea Hillenbrand, and Benji Molina replacing the younger Eliezer Alfonzo.  It promises to be a constant struggle to keep all of these geriatrics in the lineup at the same time, but even worse, the Giants have no young hitting prospects of any note ready to fill in.  The Giants obviously think they can contend this year, and with their pitching staff, they have a shot, but if they are smart they would trade some of those “experienced veterans” for some up-and-coming young talent while the old guys still have any value or the ability to perambulate without a walker.