In an exercise of good karma (and a show of how frustrating it must be to cover a $100 million, 57-game-winner in September) the Chicago Tribune will give a White Sox fan the chance to live-blog (or as they call it, “from the cubicle play-by-play”) an upcoming game.

White Sox fans, we know you’re out there. If any of you have the day off on Sept. 6 and 12 or are just out of work, we’d love to have you participate in ChicagoSports.com’s first ever User Generated Cubicle.

We need you to man our world-renowned From the Cubicle play-by-play feature as the Sox play AL Central foes, the Tigers and Indians.

Two things right off the bat. Why does the MSM continue to act as if they invented the internet and everything in it? It’s not called “play-by-play”, grandpa. It’s now called live-blogging, and everyone is doing it. Welcome to the party.

Second, this has to be the most crass, tasteless move the MSM has ever tried. Noticing how fetid the White Sox performance has been so far, the Trib’s journos decided to throw in the towel and let the kids handle it (not entirely true, but makes for good punditry - ask Mariotti). Sure, they’ll tell you this is well-intended, for the kids, so they get their journalistic feet wet.

I’m not buying it.

What’s more, the Trib has tried something like this before, soliciting a column dubbed “View from a Sox fan” a few years ago, only to kill it and leave zero trace of it on their servers. (Full disclosure: I was one of those “fans” once, alas, you can’t find my trace anywhere, not even in the archives).

Honestly, though, I can’t blame the Trib. It’s been torture to watch the White Sox this year, especially if you have to turn in a 700 word recap later that night. So good luck to those who try it out.

Oh, one of the requirements is geographical, you have to live in Chicago (you get to file your “play-by-play” from the “Tribune Tower”). Otherwise I would’ve signed up (so sue me).

- Wanted: Sox fans that can type. [Chicagosports.com]

I am not an artist. But I play one in my mind.

You see, like many other people who love Radiohead and Michael Gondry movies, I think I’m far more artistic than I actually am. This explains why I spent so much time in jazz clubs in my high school days wondering if I should buy myself a beret. I was trying (and failing) to be artsy because I consciously wanted others to think I was. But all that produced were terrible ideas like growing mutton chops.

Which brings me to The Summer King, a new opera written by composer Daniel Sonenberg about the life and death of Josh Gibson. Yes. You read me correctly. THE Josh Gibson. The man who is regarded as the best power hitter to have never stepped foot on a Major League field (although I’m sure there are many Sadaharu Oh fans out there). Perhaps the only man who can challenge Johnny Bench’s reputation as the best catcher to have ever played the game. The man who led the Negro Leagues in homeruns in 1943 with 22, which is more than his three closest competitors in that category combined, and had a .449 batting average to boot. THAT Josh Gibson. They’ve made an opera about him. Fifty years after he died of a heart attack. They’re going to make him sing opera.

Well, actually, an actor portraying him, but that’s still pretty bad.

Now I understand that Mr. Sonenberg thinks he’s being creative by mixing baseball and opera. Just like the guy who thought that modern dance and Edward Scissorhands were a match made in heaven. But need I remind you, sir, that sports and music just do not mix? Do I need to play you the Super Bowl Shuffle? Have you heard Bronson Arroyo sing? Have you seen High School Musical (well, neither have I, but this video clip is enough)?

So in the name of all things sane, I plead with you. Do not ruin my image of Josh Gibson*.

*Which actually happens to be a man who looks eerily similar to Mykelti “Bubba Gump” Williamson.

Rule 7.08(b) Comment: A runner who is adjudged to have hindered a fielder who is attempting to make a play on a batted ball is out whether it was intentional or not.
If, however, the runner has contact with a legally occupied base when he hinders the fielder, he shall not be called out unless, in the umpire’s judgment, such hindrance, whether it occurs on fair or foul territory, is intentional. If the umpire declares the hindrance intentional, the following penalty shall apply: With less than two out, the umpire shall declare both the runner and batter out. With two out, the umpire shall declare the batter out.

This was the difference-maker in last night’s game between the Philadelphia Phillies and the New York Mets. Having lost the first two games of the four-game set in Philly, the Mets were looking to rebound and increase their lead in the NL East back to five games. But they found themselves down again, this time in the ninth inning of a 3-2 ball game with runners on first and third and one out. RFer Shawn Green was at the plate and Brett Myers was attempting to get out of the jam and close out the game. Green makes contact on a 2-2 pitch but it’s a weak grounder to short. Jimmy Rollins fields it, underhands the ball to second baseman Tadahito Iguchi. Marlon Anderson (who appears to have an amazing vertical according to the photo), the runner at first, came barrelling down the baseline but slid into second too late to prevent the initial out. But the cardinal sin came in the form of a push - as he followed through on his slide, Anderson clearly shoved Iguchi who was already to Marlon’s left, turning to throw the ball to first. The second base umpire calls runner’s intereference, and the double play becomes automatic. Endy Chavez, who crossed home plate on the play, did not count as the tying run. Game over.

Now I could easily go off on a tangent about how the umpires chose THIS moment to begin enforcing this rule. Countless times have I watched on television and in person the runner getting away with blatantly going for the legs of the middle infielder, without any attempt to even touch the bag. In this instance, Anderson did touch second with his right leg. But he added a push, which is apparently no-no (who knew?). And I could certainly debate whether or not the “flying cross-body block” that the Phillies’ Carlos Ruiz planted on Padres’ second baseman Marcus Giles a few nights earlier made the interference call more likely than it would have prior to that incident that ended up clearing both benches.

The fact remains, the rules are the rules. Having played second base for most of my life, I can assure you that it is a bit terrifying trying to turn the double play on a ground ball to short. You can hear the runner from first running full-steam down the line, but you can’t see him because you have your eyes on the throw coming your way from the shortstop side. The last thing you want is the runner adding in a shove or a “flying cross-body block”. In last night’s case, the umpire clearly and correctly surmised that there was an “intentional hindrance” on the part of Marlon Anderson. So the call really shouldn’t be argued, no matter how frustrating it is for me to admit.

(Note: I know this is splitting hairs, but bear with me for a moment. After the game, umpire creew chief Joe West spoke on behalf of C.B. Bucknor, who was actually the one who made the call. He said, “Marlon Anderson went after the second baseman to break up the double play and did not, and could not reach the base, which is what he argued… He went out of his way to interfere with the play that created the interference. CB made a great call, made a gutsy call and he didn’t back down from the call at all.” Technically, West is wrong. Anderson did touch the bag. But the official rules do state that the correct call was made. It was just for the wrong reasons. You may now proceed.)

What we will never know is if Green would have beaten the throw to first had Iguchi been able to get it to Ryan Howard cleanly. The groundball to Rollins was not hit very well, and the momentum of Iguchi’s body was going to third base, which with his arm may have made for a difficult throw. I’ve seen the replay quite a few times and I still don’t know.

So what say you, Umpbump readers? Was it interference? Would Green have been safe at first? Let me know so I can just put this whole episode to a rest and move on with my life.

Buried within this article about Aubrey Huff is the news that Elijah Dukes of the Tampa Bay Devil Rays somehow became the first base coach in last night’s game played by the Charlotte County Redish of the South Coast League, which is a team managed by former big league slugger Cecil Fielder. Which got me thinking…

A List of Things You Learn as a Charlotte County Redfish When Your Manager is Cecil Fielder and Your Coach is Elijah Dukes:

1. The four major food groups: Fried, Creamed, Carameled, and Twice-Fried
2. How to hold your head up high even after striking out 182 times in a season.
3. How to gamble away more than $47 million and leave your wife and children with the bill as you shack up with another woman and evade creditors.
4. How to promise your 18-year old son that you will negotiate his first pro baseball contract and then help yourself to a $200,000 cut without his knowledge. You know, because of the gambling debt.
5. How to properly throw a Gatorade bottle at a seventeen-year old girl you just impregnated.
6. How to scare the bejeezus out of children by storming into a middle school and threatening their teacher who happens to be your wife.
7. The correct language to use when leaving a message on your wife’s cell phone warning her that you will kill her and your children.
8. How to properly execute “The Wheel” play when fielding a bunt.

“Who would they replace me with?”

That’s what an annoyed Mike Mussina asked a reporter on Friday in Detroit. Following a terrible outing against the Angels last Tuesday night, during which Moose allowed nine baserunners (seven hits) and seven runs over 1 2/3 innings, the notion that the veteran with 247 career wins could lose his spot in the Yankees rotation became credible.

Last night, it became probable.

Against the Tigers, Mussina allowed ten baserunners (nine hits) and six runs over 3 innings. And this morning, every major New York paper seems to expect a change.

Make no mistake, Mussina’s current 5.53 ERA and 1.49 WHIP is not unjustifiably inflated by his recent string of three straight bad outings. There has been a season-long question as to whether not Mussina can perform any longer. His 2007 ERA has never been south of 4.50 following any of his 23 starts. His strikeouts have plummeted to 5.53 over 9 innings which is very much a cause for concern for a pitcher like Mussina who has had at least 7.11 K/9 over the past 11 seasons. His batting average against has jumped from .241 in 2006 to .313, largely due to the fact that he’s allowing more line drives (also due to the fact that he was lucky on balls fielded in play in 2006), which is a sure sign that hitters have your number. His slugging percentage against (.481) is the worst in his entire career. Perhaps most troubling in his case that he’s not walking hitters any more than he usually does. This means that it’s probably not mechanics. More likely, he just can’t cut it anymore.

His fastball has dropped to 86 mph, and hitters no longer have to anticipate it coming to be able to turn on it. This gives them the opportunity to anticipate the off-speed pitch all the time without having to worry about not being able to catch up if the heater comes their way. Moose needs the fastball to be around 88-90 to be effective, and in a game when 0.05 seconds is the difference between crushing a pitch and being behind it, it makes all the difference in the world.

So now the Yankees are forced to answer that very question that Mussina had asked reporters on Friday. Who can they replace him with? The Yankees cannot mess with a young arm like Joba Chamberlain who was already transferred to the bullpen after a career of starting in the minors. Kei Igawa has not proven to be any better than Mussina on his worst days. Prospect Ian Kennedy has turned some heads this year in AAA but at 22 years of age, he’s been put on an innings limit for the year and he’s approaching that figure already. Steven White is the most suitable candidate if a switch does indeed happen. White is older than most prospects (26) and isn’t projected to be long for the Major Leagues. But he is unproven in the bigs, which in this case, may oddly be a positive. When Mussina and Igawa have “proven” to be unable to perform for the Yankees down the stretch, the unproven may be their best option.

Believe it or not, the wives of MLB players do not lobby too hard for induction into Umpbump’s Hot Baseball Wives Hall of Fame. We’re not too sure why this is, but we suspect it’s because baseball wives are without exception some of the most humble folks you’ll meet.

But if a baseball wife or an ex-baseball wife — say Jessica Canseco, for argument’s sake — were to push for induction, the conversation would probably go something like this:

Jessica Canseco: If I’m a hot baseball wife and I divorce my baseball playing husband, does that disqualify me from induction into the HBW Hall of Fame?

Umpbump: Heck no.

JC: What if I get re-married to a man who doesn’t play baseball?

Umpbump: All that matters is that you were once married to a ballplayer.

JC: Well then what about me? What are you waiting for?

Umpbump: We have no idea. Sorry.

That’s right folks, it’s time to toast Jessica Canseco as the Hot Baseball [ex]Wife that she is. Canseco, you’ve probably guessed by now, is the former wife of roided up slugger Jose Canseco. She’s also a former Playboy model.

But that was then. Jessica was a nineteen year-old Hooters trainee when she met Jose. Today she is a best-selling author and a successful aesthetician and image consultant in Beverly Hills. And she’s learned a lot about life and love.

Canseco now realizes that big muslces aren’t important. It’s what’s inside that matters most. And in that spirit, Canseco has found herself a new man. He’s sensitive. He’s caring. He’s the plastic surgeon from ABC’s Extreme Makeover!

(PS. Say what you will about Garth Fisher, Canseco’s new husband. But the man was previously married to Brooke Burke. So he must be doing something right.)

As for Canseco, she’s got a great career, a daughter, a new marriage and a lifetime of free plastic surgery to look forward to. Plus, she’s the newest Hot Baseball Wife.

Not too shabby, if you ask me.

Today the Astros fired their GM Tim Purpura and their manager, Phil Garner. It’s always surprising to see a team clean house only two years after a World Series appearance. But then again, the ‘Stros are one of the worst teams in baseball. No doubt ownership felt the need to take action.

But was this the right decision? Let’s look first at Garner, then at Purpura.

The Astros this year are 58-73. That’s not good, but based on the number of runs they’ve scored and the number of runs they’ve given up, their expected win total is one fewer than their actual total. So by that measure, Garner has actually done a decent job.

Add to that the fact that Garner was hamstrung by Roger Clemens’ holdout and eventual decision to sign with the Yankees; by Craig Biggio’s crawl to 3,000 hits, which essentially forced Garner to play the declining 2B over younger, more talented options; by Brad Lidge’s erosion of confidence; and by Andy Petitte’s decision to move to follow his best friend Clemens to New York.

Consider all of what Garner had to deal with this season, outside of the usual DL stints and bad luck, and it’s easy to understand why his team is in last place.

Which brings us to Purpura, who didn’t exactly give Garner the greatest pieces to work with. Sure, he signed Carlos Lee, who has had a pretty good year, with 26 HR, 103 RBI and a .362 OBP. But he also sent Willie Taveras and promising pitching prospects Jason Hirsh and Taylor Buchholz to Colorado for Jason Jennings, who was 2-9 before he was placed on the disabled list with a bad elbow on Aug. 21. And he held onto Morgan Ensberg one season too long. And he signed Woody Williams to WAY too much money — $6 million in 2007.

It’s not hard to understand why Purpura got the ax. But Garner…well, that one’s a little tougher to swallow.

When the Mariners traded for oft-injured Nationals 2B Jose Vidro over the winter, it raised a lot of eyebrows. When the M’s announced they’d be using Vidro as a DH, everyone laughed. Everyone, that is, except Seattle fans.

Vidro had always been an above average hitter — compared to other second baseman. But compared to other designated hitters, he fell short. He had no power. None. And his career on base percentage of .365, while good, had been declining in recent years.

In short, Vidro was old, slow and getting older and slower. It looked like an awful acquisition.

So Vidro and the Mariners’ front office should feel pretty good about the today’s story on ESPN.com, which describes the Vidro experiment as an unlikely success:

After a modest first half in which his .286 batting average was supported by a paltry .349 slugging percentage, Vidro has been scorching since the All-Star break. His .387 second-half batting average (55-for-142) is second best in the American League, behind only Chone Figgins (.388). Overall, Vidro is hitting .318 with an on-base percentage of .384.

Vidro says his legs, battered by years on the unforgiving Astroturf of Montreal, feel better than they have in many seasons (he credits diligent work by Seattle’s training staff for his improved health).

But is Vidro’s hot streak for real? And does a good batting average make up for a total lack of power?

The folks over at the blog U.S.S. Mariner aren’t sold on Vidro:

There’s a lot to be wary of. For someone with no speed, he’s getting a lot of infield hits (7.1% right now) and his batting average when he puts the ball in play is a ridiculous .346.

As the blog points out, speedy players often have high IFH%. But Vidro is no speedy player. Quite the opposite. The U.S.S. Mariner has crunched the numbers and they say that over the last few months, Vidro has been very, very lucky. Shallow flies have been dropping. Grounders have found holes. He’s been lucky:

If Vidro got hits at his career rate, and his infield hit rate was a little more reasonable, here’s his line: .286/.351/.355

Not bad. Is it enough to justify $6 million per over two years? Take a look at these other DHs and their 2007 OBP and salary:

David Ortiz .436 / $13 million
Travis Hafner .379 / $4 million
Gary Sheffield .383 / $11 million
Jim Thome .408 / $15.6 million
Frank Thomas .374 / $5.5 million
Sammy Sosa .307 / $500,000

If you just look at OBP, Vidro looks like he’s getting paid fairly. Of course, Papi, Pronk et. al would probably be quick to point out that their slugging numbers are much better than Vidro’s. And they’d be right.

So was Vidro a good acquisition? If he stays hot, yes. But don’t hold your breath.

In an act that can only be explained by the awesome powers generated by 1.21 gigawatts of electricity, sometime over the last four days, Chicago White Sox rookie 3rd baseman Josh Fields’ future was erased from existence and a new future was put in its place.

Here’s the indisputable proof.

Chicago Tribune, Thursday, August 23rd:

Based on Fields’ ability to learn quickly, his fielding could improve faster than (Ozzie) Guillen may anticipate…

The Sox want Fields to concentrate on third while (Joe) Crede heals from back surgery. And with Crede eligible for free agency after the 2008 season, Fields soon could be the Sox’s permanent third baseman.

Chicago Sun-Times, Monday, August 27th:

The White Sox have started preparing for 2008 and a future in left field for rookie Josh Fields…

Marty McFly… WHAT HAVE YOU DONE???

Philadelphia Inquirer columnist Bob Ford thinks Charlie Manuel should be the NL Manager of the Year.

Apparently, Ford was hired way back in the day, before the Inky started administering drug tests.

From the Inquirer:

Somewhere amid the chatter and static of another sports week, woven in among the bluster of bloggers, the pontification of pundits and the wanderings of writers, was the notion that Manny Acta of Washington should be the National League manager of the year.

I can’t remember who said it, or why, but the idea was out there, a contrarian view quickly followed by an of-course-he-won’t-win-it-because disclaimer of the sort that gets the writer off the hook before he can be dragged flopping and breathless into the bottom of the boat.

Manny Acta.

Well, there are stranger ideas and here’s another one for you:

Charlie Manuel is the NL manager of the year, and the vote shouldn’t even be close.

Manuel certainly isn’t the worst manager in the league. But is he the best?

To find out, lets do a little statistical analysis. Let’s compare how many games Manuel was supposed to win, based on the number of runs his team has scored and the number allowed, with the number of games his team has actually won (an old trick pioneered by Bill James).

What we find after we crunch the numbers is that Manuel has had zero impact on the 2007 Phillies, whose expected record is the same as their actual record — 66 wins.

Who has had the greatest impact on his team? By far it has been Diamondbacks manager Bob Melvin, who has guided his team to 12 more wins than one might expect. In fact, the Diamondbacks are, thus far, among the greatest overachievers in history. Arizona’s expected winning percentage is .471. The team’s actual win percentage is .562.

That’s huge. No, really. HUGE.

How are the Diamondbacks doing it? They’re winning one-run games. A lot of them.

According to the Arizona Republic, as of Aug. 8 the Diamondbacks led the majors in number of one-run games (40) and one-run wins (25). The Dodgers had 21 one-run victories, and four teams were tied for third with 20.

Call me crazy, but close games are where managers earn their keep, right? Right.

Cardinals manager Tony LaRussa wins honorable mention for guiding his team back into the playoff chase and helping it to win six more games than one would ordinarily expect. And for staying awake at the wheel all season long.

But really, it isn’t close. Melvin is your NL manager of the year (and of the decade, for that matter).

And on a side note, I think it might be time for Bob Ford to find a new beat. Either he’s clueless, or he’s just writing to get a rise out of his readership (the majority of whom are no great fans of Manuel). Either way, I’m not impressed.