In the 1998 blockbuster classic Armageddon, the audience is forced to make a decision that no one could possibly envy: would you prefer to watch as an asteroid the size of Texas annihilates all signs of life on Earth, or watch Ben Affleck survive. It’s just a no-win situation that leaves you with a queasy feeling all around.

Which brings me to the latest installment of Barry Bonds vs. Curt Schilling. These two, fine examples of human beings have been going at it for quite some time. More recently, Curt appeared on HBO’s Costas Now last month and stated to host Bob Costas (who Bonds called “a midget”) that Bonds’ lack of response to the allegations from his former mistress that he had told her about his steroid use was pretty much an admission of guilt. He said on the show:

“If someone wrote that stuff about me and I didn’t sue their (butt) off, am I not admitting that there’s some legitimacy to it?”

Yes, Curt. That’s a manly way to handle it. Tell your lawyers.

Oh, and it seems that Barry heard you loud and clear.

According to today’s edition of the Bay Area publication The Mercury News, Bonds has actually created a team of lawyers to specifically target Curt Schilling:

“This is directed at Schilling more than anybody,” said criminal defense attorney Michael Rains, who is representing Bonds in a grand jury investigation stemming from the Balco case.

“Schilling said some things that were inappropriate and potentially defamatory. I know it was upsetting to Barry. We talked about the issue and I know he was talking to some civil lawyers to put people on notice that he has someone defending him.”

So I ask you, would you prefer to live in a world where Curt Schilling can yap off on television with no consequences, or one where Barry Bonds is even richer having successfully sued Schilling’s (butt) off?

It’s times like these that I wish Endor was a real planet so I can move there. But then again, I’d be surrounded by Ewoks. And no one wants that.

5 Responses to “When Bonds and Schilling Collide, No One Wins…”

  1. Mostly the fact that pitchers routinely pitch into their mid 40s makes it probable that it’s not the last time we’ll see it. The last time for a while — probably, but we’ll see it again.

  2. Nick Kapur says:

    Excellent post, Paul. I’ve been surprised by all the “we’ll never see 300 again” talk for all the exact reasons you enumerate. I think the fewer wins per season due to pitch counts is offset, perhaps more than offset, by the routineness with which pitchers continue to be effective deep into their 40s nowadays, and the capacity of much more advanced surgery to prolong careers beyond one, two, or even three arm blowouts. I mean, Maddux and Clemens didn’t just win 300 – they literally blew past 300 like it was nothing. If good pitchers are going to keep pitching until they are 45 like these guys, there is absolutely no reason why we won’t see a 300-winner again.

  3. Great article, I completely agree. I hate to use a hockey reference, but after Wayne Gretzky and MJ left their respective sports, the world was left insensed that there was no one to fill their spots. But patience is priceless, since a few years later here are wonder kids LeBron James and Sidney Crosby. Not to say they’re definetly going to be the next ‘best to ever play’ but a lot of the same MSM people who were saying that there would never be another Gretz or MJ are now predicting legendary careers for these wonder kids.

  4. Nick Kapur says:

    Not to mention that the explosion of a moon-sized battle station in low orbit probably destroyed all the Ewoks and rendered Endor uninhabitable shortly after the conclusion of the movie.

  5. Highly doubtful Nick, as such a large amount of spaceborne debris would have been hazardous to the clearly documented celebration that occurred shortly after the explosion.

    We can rest assured that the Ewoks of Endor are alive and well. Jub Jub!

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