Buried within this article about Aubrey Huff is the news that Elijah Dukes of the Tampa Bay Devil Rays somehow became the first base coach in last night’s game played by the Charlotte County Redish of the South Coast League, which is a team managed by former big league slugger Cecil Fielder. Which got me thinking…

A List of Things You Learn as a Charlotte County Redfish When Your Manager is Cecil Fielder and Your Coach is Elijah Dukes:

  1. The four major food groups: Fried, Creamed, Carameled, and Twice-Fried
  2. How to hold your head up high even after striking out 182 times in a season.
  3. How to gamble away more than $47 million and leave your wife and children with the bill as you shack up with another woman and evade creditors.
  4. How to promise your 18-year old son that you will negotiate his first pro baseball contract and then help yourself to a $200,000 cut without his knowledge. You know, because of the gambling debt.
  5. How to properly throw a Gatorade bottle at a seventeen-year old girl you just impregnated.
  6. How to scare the bejeezus out of children by storming into a middle school and threatening their teacher who happens to be your wife.
  7. The correct language to use when leaving a message on your wife’s cell phone warning her that you will kill her and your children.
  8. How to properly execute “The Wheel” play when fielding a bunt.

Leave a Reply

    Recent Comments

    • planet hobbywood: This is very interesting.
    • Bren: He is a awesome player and a good man.. sweet.. polite.. friendly.. down to earth.. he never acted as though he...
    • HADAJUN( Japanese): Okajima a Japanese hero?
    • Rickt: I am the biggest Cal Jr fan around but one of my good friends played minor league baseball in the Orioles...
    • HADAJUN: I wish for play in Japan. The death is regrettable.


    Subscribe via email

    Enter your email address:


Featured posts

December 5, 2011

Will anybody get elected to the Hall of Fame this year?

Last week, we asked you to vote for who you would like to see enshrined in baseball’s Hall of Fame. The verdict? If it were up to UmpBump readers, nobody would make it in. The leading vote getter (so far) is Jeff Bagwell, who has 60% support. Of course, in the real voting, players need […]

January 5, 2011

Annual UmpBump Hall of Fame Balloting: 2011 Edition

In what has become an annual tradition, we here at UmpBump cast our ballots for the Hall of Fame on the eve of the announcements of the voting for the real Hall of Fame. Voters can vote for anyone ever who has been retired from baseball for at least five years and is not already […]

October 19, 2010

Crowdsourcing the Greats: The Top 10 Managers of All Time

Now that we’ve looked at every position on the diamond, as well as relief pitchers, we are nearing the end of our “Crowdsourcing the Greats” series. But before we finish, let’s turn one more time to the internet hoi polloi for answers on who the greatest baseball manager of all time was. As usual, we […]