Buried within this article about Aubrey Huff is the news that Elijah Dukes of the Tampa Bay Devil Rays somehow became the first base coach in last night’s game played by the Charlotte County Redish of the South Coast League, which is a team managed by former big league slugger Cecil Fielder. Which got me thinking…
A List of Things You Learn as a Charlotte County Redfish When Your Manager is Cecil Fielder and Your Coach is Elijah Dukes:
- The four major food groups: Fried, Creamed, Carameled, and Twice-Fried
- How to hold your head up high even after striking out 182 times in a season.
- How to gamble away more than $47 million and leave your wife and children with the bill as you shack up with another woman and evade creditors.
- How to promise your 18-year old son that you will negotiate his first pro baseball contract and then help yourself to a $200,000 cut without his knowledge. You know, because of the gambling debt.
- How to properly throw a Gatorade bottle at a seventeen-year old girl you just impregnated.
- How to scare the bejeezus out of children by storming into a middle school and threatening their teacher who happens to be your wife.
- The correct language to use when leaving a message on your wife’s cell phone warning her that you will kill her and your children.
- How to properly execute “The Wheel” play when fielding a bunt.