The Sox/Indians ALCS Game 2 just went from extra-innings-edge-of-your-seat tense to offensive-free-for-all (well, for the Indians anyway—from the Sox side, it was utter-bullpen-suckage). Too despondent (or maybe just too tired after this preposterously long game) to actually write anything, reproduced below is part of my end-of-game g-chat with Nick:
[Ed. Note: Trot Nixon sends a bloop into shallow center, scoring the go-ahead run in the top of the 11th]
Nick: well, that pitching change didn’t work out!
And to think, Trot was a career .214 batter vs. lefties…
me: I can’t believe Lopez is sucking this much
of course, it was Gagne who let all those runners on…
Nick: I can. Lopez was always pretty sucky
I still don’t know why the Red Sox love him so much
me: but he is the loogy!
Nick: yeah, he’s a “lefty specialist” who actually allows a HIGHER batting average to lefties!
feeding him to Trot was a stupid idea
me: yeah I was surprised, I thought they would let Gagne face Trot
then bring in Lopez to face Victor Martinez if necessary
Nick: yeah, I guess they really don’t have faith in Gagne!
me: and then just throw Lester out there for the rest of it…
wait, where is Kyle Snyder???
Nick: Snyder’s not on the roster
me: no Snyder
Leave Gagne off the World Series roster, dude
I would rather have Tavarez frankly
Nick: I still think the Sox should have kept JC Romero and dumped Lopez when they had that roster crunch…
Romero actually had the lower ERA at the time, and performed well for the Phillies down the stretch
[Ed. Note: Indians continue to score an appalling number of runs]
Nick: Well, the wheels are all off now
me: the wheels?
there are no wheels!!
me: the wheels are gone
Nick: they’ve all gone rolling away into the autumn grass
Nick: oh look, the Sox have Crisp, Lugo, and THE MIGHTY ALEX CORA up next inning…
[Ed. Note: Indians cap big inning with a three-run homer.]
me: OH MY GOD
THIS IS RETARDED
THE WHEELS ARE NOT ONLY GONE
THE ENTIRE CAR IS GONE
Nick: um, pretty much
me: THE ROAD IS GONE
I AM IN A MEANINGLESS, FEATURELESS VOID
why is the TV still on?
I could turn it off if I wanted to
I could spare mself
Nick: I dunno, because you are a true fan?
because I am a SOX fan
and anguish is just part of the deal
Nick: it’s true, Sox fans never surrender
they will defend the beaches of Red Sox nation with bamboo spears if necessary
Just like the Japanese were going to do if America invaded in WWII
me: It’s a plot!
Eric Gagne is a mole!
Nick: A CANADIAN MOLE!
PART OF CANADA’S PLOT TO DEFEAT RED SOX NATION AND ANNEX NEW ENGLAND!
me: And Terry Francona played right into their hands!
Would you have trusted Gagne in that situation?
I would have brought in Lester to start that inning
me: no I would have saved Lester!
because he’s a starter and he could go for a long time
Nick: I bet Lester would have been fine if he could have come in with the bases empty to start an inning
basically, I would never pitch Gagne or Lopez in any playoff inning
If Theo gave me that roster, I would just say fuck it and pitch Lester til he drops
but no Gagne and no Lopez
not in the playoffs
me: I admire your cojones
Nick: Besides, I could always bring in Wakefield for endless fatigue-free knuckleball innings if I really had to
me: that’s true!
Nick: sweet, dancing butterfly!
[Ed. Note: Sox are up to bat again in the bottom of the inning. It doesn't look good.]
me: oh look, Varitek strikes out
what a surprise
[Ed. Note: Sox CF Coco Crisp singles, joining J.D. Drew on the basepaths. There's only one out! We could still do it! David Ortiz could hit an 8-run homer!]
me: Crisp keeps my tattered hopes alive!
Nick: A BASE HIT!
Now the Sox just need 6 more of those in a row, with the last one being a grand slam
[Ed. Note: Lugo grounds feebly into a double play to end the game.]
Nick: wait, why is Lugo even on this team again?
Nick, your task is clear:
Nick: I should work my way up the ladder to replace Theo Epstein as GM of the Red Sox?
me: that also
but for now
make a new word in Scrabulous.