1) On Halloween A-Rod dresses up as Mike Lowell.

2) Mike Lowell once turned an unassisted quadruple play.

3) Mike Lowell’s glove is like a black hole: neither light nor balls can escape it.

4) Fox didn’t just stop using Scooter the talking baseball… Mike Lowell killed him.

5) The reason Julio Lugo makes so many errors is that every time he looks at Mike Lowell he shits his pants.

6) Mike Lowell does not catch baseballs, they throw themselves at him.

7) Bill Belichick gets all his humble pie from Mike Lowell.

8) Mike Lowell’s beard never grows. It’s too scared of what he might do.

9) George Steinbrenner once offered Mike Lowell’s eyebrows $27 million to play 3rd base.

10) Mike Lowell doesn’t have a batting average, he has a batting superlative.

11) When Chuck Norris goes to bed at night he checks his closet for Mike Lowell.

REPORT COMMENT

Mike Lowell does not play third base. He merely finds it a convenient place to ambush unsuspecting baseballs.

A-Rod wears Mike Lowell pajamas.

Mike Lowell has drawn a bases clearing Walk.

The Infield Fly rule does not apply to Mike Lowell, as he has never dropped a ball.

Mike Lowell can will bunts foul.

Mike Lowell grew his beard at age 4 in order to intimidate opposing pitchers in T-ball. It became salt-and-pepper in high school because “the chicks dig it.”

REPORT COMMENT