Big Papi scores a big 100. But Mike Lowell scores higher than A-Rod?Today ESPN reports something that many Red Sox fans already took for granted: Big Papi is perfect.

According to the world wide leader, “Boston designated hitter David Ortiz became the seventh player to earn a perfect 100 in the annual statistical compilation issued Wednesday by the Elias Sports Bureau, which uses a formula players and owners negotiated in 1981.”

What does that mean, exactly? Damned if I know. All the story says is that, “The formula for the rankings was determined by players and owners as part of their 1981 strike settlement.” Why did they devise the formula? What does the formula help decide? These are questions for which I do not have answers (I’ll let Paul or Nick answer them in the comments section). But I gotta tell ya, I’ve got my doubts about any formula that says that Mike Lowell had a better season than A-Rod. I love ya, Mike. Love the eyebrows. But let’s be real.

Regardless of its significance, one thing the perfect 100 statistical ranking is good for is sparking conversation. And so I leave you with the text of an email discussion that went down this morning, between Paul, Sarah and Nick. Enjoy.

(But first, some context: while Paul and Sarah chatter amicably over the internets, they have never met)

To: Umpbump Staff

From: Paul

Subject: I can hear Sarah laughing already…

And I have no idea what she sounds like. So… That’s kind of odd.

To: Umpbump Staff

From: Sarah

Subject: Re: I can hear Sarah laughing already…

like this: BAHAHAHAHA. except i think, on this particular occasion, that a more evil, snide, “muahahahahHAHAHAHA!” is appropriate. of course big papi is perfect. this is news to some people?? and folks said he was having an “off year.” fools. fools!

To: Umpbump Staff

From: Paul

Subject: Re: Re: I can hear Sarah laughing already…

i was talking more about Lowell rating higher than A-Rod

To: Umpbump Staff

From: Sarah

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: I can hear Sarah laughing already…

Oh. Yeah. That too.

Mark my words, those Yankees are going to come a-calling for Mikey Lowell. They are going to offer him a lot of money and more years than they should, and they are going to try and crowbar him away from the Red Sox.

To: Umpbump Staff

From: Nick

Subject: Re: Re: Re: I can hear Sarah laughing already…

Mike Lowell rates higher than A-Rod because that crazy system was designed in 1981 and loves batting average more than anything. Hence Ortiz scoring 100 because his average was way up this year. The system also loves RBI, SB, and fielding percentage, but it doesn’t even consider runs scored, OBP, or caught stealing, let alone WARP3.

To: Umpbump Staff

From: Sarah

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: I can hear Sarah laughing already…

“Captain, the Romulan craft is hailing us.”

“Open a channel, Worf.”

“Captain Picard, we seek only to pass peacefully through this quadrant.”

“Captain, he’s hiding something.”

“Thank you, Troi. Worf, get us out of here. WARP3.”

To: Umpbump Staff

From: Paul

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: I can hear Sarah laughing already…

Sarah, I know you’re mocking us for being geeks. But it’s very bold of you to mock us geeks by quoting Star Trek.

To: Umpbump Staff

From: Sarah

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: I can hear Sarah laughing already…

I am nothing if not bold. All those hours of TNG (all those VHS tapes of TNG still in my parents’ attic!) did not go for naught.

6 Responses to “Papi the perfect player”

  1. Nick Kapur says:

    Well, I will indeed go ahead and answer Coley’s question in the comments section =)

    The Elias rankings are used to divide free agents into Class A, Class B, and Class C, which determines how many and what kind of draft picks their former team gets as compensation from their new team when they are signed away.

  2. Following in Nick’s footsteps, these “Classes” are determined by what percentile each free agent falls under. If they’re in the top 20% at their position, they’re a class A. Top 21-40% players are Type B.

    And “position” is defined as the following five categories:

    1B/OF/DH; 2B/SS/3B; SP; RP; Catchers

    Because it includes the DH, the 1B/OF/DH “position” doesn’t include defensive stats at all.

  3. Jojo Fireball says:

    I know this really doesn’t go with the post but in reading umpbump everyday in my office I have picked up that there are alot of red sox homers here, which doesn’t bother me because I love how they interact don’t seem to be too “big league” as I like to put it… Anyway, I was wondering if anyone could put any truth to the rumor I heard about Varitek sitting in his driveway passing out autographs to trick or treaters on Halloween… If it’s true then I have an even bigger amount of respect for this guy than I did before…

  4. Nick Kapur says:

    Well, honestly, we really only have one Red Sox homer on this site, and that’s Sarah. But she’s pretty good at it!

    I’m a Dodgers fan, Coley is Phillies, Alejandro is White Sox, Paul is Mets, and Zvee is Braves.

  5. Sarah Green says:

    Yeah, before I ended up pissing away the rest of the week (actually “working,” you know) I was fully intending to post something about that Varitek thing. But really, what else is there to say? He is a superhero.

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