• Rickt: I am the biggest Cal Jr fan around but one of my good friends played minor l...

award.JPGIt may come as a shock to many of you to hear this, but… The wide world of male sports is a breeding ground for douchebags. These athletes cheat on their significant others, drive drunk, give themselves undeserved nicknames, and sometimes even try to “make it rain” by throwing money in the air at strip clubs and then act surpsied and angry when others scamper to try and collect the loot. These are the moments that make us think, “Huh. What a freaking douchebag”.

So let us honor these men, recognizing their troubling amount of shortcomings as human beings during the 2007 calendar year with the first ever Douchies Awards. There are five categories in which we want you to cast your vote! Votes will be tallied and announced early next week.

Without further ado, the nominees are:

The Reggie Jackson Award for Best Display of Attention-Grabbing

  • Roger Clemens – “OF ALL THE DRAMATIC THINGS I’VE EVER SEEN!!!” In conjunction with the ability to make even more money by poking fun of his marital discord in a Cingular commercial.
  • Barry Bonds – I honestly don’t know where to start.
  • Jose Reyes – Yes, Jose. We know you love baseball. But can’t you figure out a way to express yourself in any other form than dance? It kind of pisses off your opponents.
  • Mike Winters - We don’t really know exactly what he said to Milton Bradley. Just that it was something offensive. But let’s be fair. We’re talking about Milton Bradley here.
  • Mark Ecko – For his humanitarian efforts to spend a ridiculous amount of money (that otherwise could have gone some far more worthy cause) to purchase the Bonds record-breaking homerun ball. And then turning it into an even bigger publicity stunt by asking us common folk to vote on the ball’s fate, thus making sure that the name Mark Ecko becomes synonymous with ‘bringing the purity back to baseball’.
  • Scott Boras/Alex Rodriguez – for making Peter Gammons cry. How dare you, sir. The man is a legend.

The Curt Schilling Award for Comment Most Likely to Alienate Everyone

The Bette Midler “Did You Ever Know That You’re My Hero – But You Took a Cleveland Steamer on Me While I Slept” Award

The “See This, NBA? We’re Crazy Too” Award

The It Wouldn’t Be UmpBump Unless We Mentioned Carl Pavano Award

  • This just gets handed to Carl Pavano automatically. Every year.

So let us know, UmpBump readers! Who wins each award? And of course, write-in candidates are encouraged and appreciated! Votes will be tallied and announced early next week!

6 Responses to “The 1st Annual Douchie Awards: an UmpBump tradition since 2007”

  1. Sarah Green says:

    Ugh! That picture! It definitely gives me a not-so-fresh feeling. It is times like these when I become acutely aware that I am the only female blogger on this site…I thought we were just using the word “douchebag” in the figurative, not the literal sense.

    Plus, that award looks like a futuristic wigwam.

    I’m going to take my feminist rage and vote for A-Rod, Sheffield, Scott Olsen, and Elijah Dukes. And of course Carl Pavano, who is running unopposed in his own category.

  2. Sarah, to be perfectly honest, I am very ashamed of myself for creating that photo. But I had to make SOME award, didn’t I? What choice did I have? I did it for the children. I did it for their laughter.

  3. The children thank you Paul. We are laughing.

    Urbina, The PED Cabal, A-rodas, and I had to go with Kent, as there are way too many people out there who will not be alienated by Sheffield’s comment, but instead support him for his “courage to speak truth to power.”

    I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.

  4. Mr. Bigglesworth says:

    I’d have gone with Massengill for the award.

  5. Haha, well done. My votes went as follows:

    Ecko
    Myers (out of loyalty to my Phillies)
    LaRussa
    Offerman

    Your Photoshop skills are off the charts!

Leave a Reply

    Recent Comments

    • Rickt: I am the biggest Cal Jr fan around but one of my good friends played minor league baseball in the Orioles...
    • HADAJUN: I wish for play in Japan. The death is regrettable.
    • David the okajima: was wondering if I related too this guy?
    • HaroldHecuba: Mike Mussina is EASTERN EUROPEAN, not Italian.
    • handsomerandyblackladdiebrad1953: Plus,Jackson’s Polo Grounds-heightened batting stats,when park-adjusted,make...

Marketplace

    Subscribe via email

    Enter your email address:

    Archives

What's Popular

Featured posts

220px-Bbwaa_logo_web

December 5, 2011

Will anybody get elected to the Hall of Fame this year?

Last week, we asked you to vote for who you would like to see enshrined in baseball’s Hall of Fame. The verdict? If it were up to UmpBump readers, nobody would make it in. The leading vote getter (so far) is Jeff Bagwell, who has 60% support. Of course, in the real voting, players need […]

January 5, 2011

Annual UmpBump Hall of Fame Balloting: 2011 Edition

In what has become an annual tradition, we here at UmpBump cast our ballots for the Hall of Fame on the eve of the announcements of the voting for the real Hall of Fame. Voters can vote for anyone ever who has been retired from baseball for at least five years and is not already […]

According to the internet, "The Little Napoleon" John McGraw was the greatest manager of all time.

October 19, 2010

Crowdsourcing the Greats: The Top 10 Managers of All Time

Now that we’ve looked at every position on the diamond, as well as relief pitchers, we are nearing the end of our “Crowdsourcing the Greats” series. But before we finish, let’s turn one more time to the internet hoi polloi for answers on who the greatest baseball manager of all time was. As usual, we […]