Juan Pierre is an average outfielder. At best.
He has no power.

He has a terrible arm.

The contract the Dodgers signed him to before last season was insane.

On that, we can all agree.

So it’s really no surprise that the Dodgers have opted to go with Andre Ethier, Andruw Jones and Matt Kemp in the outfield, relegating Pierre to the bench.

But is Pierre wrong to complain about being demoted? I’m not so sure.

Here’s what Pierre told the L.A. Times:

“If they want to go a different route,” Pierre said, “I can live with it and I have to understand it but it’s something I don’t get.”

When the Dodgers signed Pierre, they knew exactly what they were getting — and they were thrilled to have it. So what’s changed?

In the four seasons before he signed with the Dodgers, Pierre didn’t miss a game. Last season, with L.A., he played all 162.

In 2006, with the Cubs, he batted .292. With the Dodgers he hit .293.

With the Cubs, Pierre’s OBP was .330. Last year it was .331.

With the Cubs, Pierre struck out 38 times and walked 32 times. With the Dodgers, he struck out 37 times and walked 33 times.

With the Cubs, Pierre stole 58 bases. With the Dodgers, he stole 64.

In every way possible, Pierre lived up to reasonable expectations. He has been, if nothing else, consistent.

If you interviewed for a job, told your prospective employer exactly what he/she could expect over the next four years and then went out and did exactly what you promised you would do, wouldn’t you be pissed if the company all of a sudden decided that wasn’t good enough?

I’m not saying the Dodgers were wrong to bench Pierre. By playing Ethier, they’re making the team better.

I’m saying they were wrong to sign him in the first place. Their inability to evaluate free agents has placed Joe Torre and Juan Pierre in an impossible situation. Pierre wants to play, but he doesn’t want to break the contract he worked so hard to land. Torre wants the best team possible, but he knows a starting gig was promised to Pierre — and he knows Pierre has lived up to his end of the bargain.
I think Pierre is right to be upset.

5:09 - Sorry gang, but it’s looking like my laptop is none too happy. Will try and take care of it and come back.

5:05 - Nothing much is happening in the game. But the New York Megamillion Jackpot is not over $135 million. Thought you’d like to know.

4:48 - I’m embarrassed. The Mets are down in Florida right now and the Mets fans have already begun a “Yankees Suck” chant. Way to shed that inferiority complex, fellas.

4:43 - It’s ludicrous how many Mets fans are there down in Florida. Santana gets through the Marlins lineup 1-2-3 and the crowd in Dolphin Stadium goes wild. What the hell?

4:41 - So here we go with Johan Santana throwing his first official pitches in a Met uniform. That changeup is just killer. Has a nice sink and tails away from the right handed hitter. Hanley matches up with Reyes toe-to-toe and strikes out as well.

4:37 - For all the crap we all give him about his defense, Hanley Ramirez just got a great jump and snagged a flyball that looked like it would drop in shallow left. Well played, sir. Well played.

4:36 - Beltran hit a weak bloop to center - Cody Ross dove for it, had it, then dropped it. So instead of the third out, now it’s second and third with two outs (Castillo walked earlier).

4:28 - Some weird people once said that the first at-bat of the season determines both teams’ fates for the entire year. Reyes just struck out on three pitches. Awesome.

4:20 - We’re twenty minutes into the broadcast. And I’ve already lost count of how many times the word “collapse” was used. Ladies and gentlemen, your 2008 New York Mets!

4:15 - OK, so it looks like we were able to fix the problem we were having with the site. Anyhow, here’s the starting lineup for both teams:

NY Mets:
1. Jose Reyes - SS
2. Luis Castillo - 2B
3. David Wright - 3B
4. Carlos Beltran - CF
5. Carlos Delgado - 1B
6. Angel Pagan - LF
7. Ryan Church - RF
8. Brian Schneider - C
9: Johan Santana - P

Florida Marlins:
1. Hanley Ramirez - SS
2. Dan Uggla - 2B
3. Mike Jacobs - 1B
4. Josh Willingham - LF
5. Cody Ross - RF
6. Jorge Cantu - 3B
7. Luis Gonzalez - RF
8. Matt “Mr. Misty May” Treanor - C
9. Mark Hendrickson - P

It pains me to write “Angel Pagan” in the #6 slot…

It’s incredible how much of a drop-off Jorge Cantu is when compared to Miguel Cabrera.

12:15pm: Today starting at 4pm EST, I’ll try and give this crazy “live blogging” thing a whirl and cover Johan Satana’s regular season debut as a New York Met when he takes on the rapscallion Florida Marlins.

So if you’re depressed that you’re at work or in class or whatever the devil it is that you do on a Monday and wish that you were, like me, at home wrapped in a blanket eating chocolate chip cookies with a cup of coffee, come on by to UmpBump at 4 pm EST.

PS: Did you ever think you’d see the day when Mark Hendrickson will have “Opening Day Starter” on his resum

The question: If a baseball season kicks off a week early with two games played in Japan, does it make a sound?

The answer: Yes. Kinda. Sorta.

The baseball season is upon us, but because we had to wake up super early to watch the games and because we couldn’t watch any of it first hand, it seems like maybe the A’s-Red Sox series was all a dream. It’s like when a restaurant or a casino opens with a “soft opening” serving only friends, family and VIP customers for the first week. Technically, they’re open. But not really.

While we’re waiting for the 2008 season to officially start, we here at Umpbump thought we’d make a few predictions about how things will unfold. Feel free to use these predictions as ammo to discredit us in the future.

Coley’s Picks:

NL East: Braves
NL Central: Cubs
NL West: Dodgers
NL Wild Card: Diamondbacks

AL East: Red Sox
AL Central: Tigers
AL West: A’s
AL Wild Card: Yankees

NL Rookie of the Year: Hiroki Kuroda
AL Rookie of the Year: Evan Longoria

NL CY Young: Aaron Harang
AL CY Young: Rich Harden

NL MVP: David Wright
AL MVP: Alex Rodriguez

Sarah’s Picks:

NL East: Mets
NL Central: Brewers
NL West: Diamondbacks
NL Wild Card: Phillies

AL East: Red Sox
AL Central: Tigers
AL West: Mariners
AL Wild Card: Yankees

NL Rookie of the Year: Johnny Cueto
AL Rookie of the Year: Jacoby Ellsbury

NL CY Young: Johan Santana
AL CY Young: Josh Beckett

NL MVP: David Wright
AL MVP: Alex Rodriguez

Alejandro’s Picks:

NL East: Mets
NL Central: Cubs
NL West: Dodgers
NL Wild Card: Braves

AL East: Red Sox
AL Central: White Sox
AL West: Mariners
AL Wild Card: Tigers

NL Rookie of the Year: Kosuke Fukudome
AL Rookie of the Year: Alexei Ramirez

NL CY Young: Johan Santana
AL CY Young: Rich Harden

NL MVP:David Wright
AL MVP: Miguel Cabrera

Nick’s Picks:

NL East: Phillies
NL Central: Brewers
NL West: Dodgers
NL Wild Card: Cubs

AL East: Yankees
AL Central: Tigers
AL West: A’s
AL Wild Card: Red Sox

NL Rookie of the Year: Kosuke Fukudome
AL Rookie of the Year: Daric Barton

NL CY Young: Dan Haren
AL CY Young: Justin Verlander

NL MVP: Ryan Braun
AL MVP: Miguel Cabrera

Paul’s Picks:

NL East: Mets
NL Central: Cubs
NL West: Diamondbacks
NL Wild Card: Brewers

AL East: Yankees
AL Central: Indians
AL West: Angels
AL Wild Card: Red Sox

NL Rookie of the Year: Kosuke Fukudome
AL Rookie of the Year: Daric Barton

NL CY Young: Johan Santana
AL CY Young: C.C. Sabathia

NL MVP: Ryan Braun
AL MVP: Alex Rodriguez

As we all know, spring training numbers mean nothing. But here are some interesting ones — just ’cause.

26: Number of times Brewers RF Corey Hart struck out in 67 spring training at-bats.

5: Number of hits Cubs reliever Mike Wuertz gave up this spring — all singles. He didn’t allow a run, walked none and struck out 13 in nine innings.

$6,500,000: How much the Astros will pay SP Woody Williams not to pitch this year. The Astros cut Williams after he posted a 11.32 ERA this spring.

15: Number of walks given up by Tigers lefthander Dontrelle Willis in 16 2/3 innings this spring. He has a 8.64 earned run average.

9: Number of home runs given up by Mariners SP Erik Bedard in 24 innings. He’s posted an 8.63 ERA in six starts, allowing 35 hits.

.431: Melvin Mora’s batting average this spring. He’s led Orioles regulars in batting average, homers (two), RBIs (13) and walks (nine).

1.572: Rangers CF Josh Hamilton’s OPS this spring. He entered the weekend hitting .556 and reached base in 13 consecutive plate appearances (10 hits, three walks) at one point.

0: Number of home runs reigning NL MVP Jimmy Rollins hit this spring. He batted .188.

5,404: Average number of fans who attended Pittsburgh Pirates home spring training games this year — a new record. Those people are loyal.

In a bizarre drama, Hideki Matsui announced on Thursday that he has secretly gotten married, but he refuses to divulge the identity of his wife, showing only sketches of her drawn by himself and his brother.

What made the whole situation even more bizarre is that Matsui may have married her in order to win a bet he made with teammates Derek Jeter and Bobby Abreu.

According to the terms of the bet, if Matsui got married first, he would win an undisclosed sum of money from the other two, but since Matsui was considered more likely to get married first, Jeter and Abreu were given handicaps of 1 year and 6 months, respectively.

This means that if Jeter can get married in the next year, or Abreu can get married in the next 6 months, they won’t have to pay anything to Matsui, but both players are already conceding that Matsui has won for sure and say they will pay up now.

According to Jeter, there is “no chance” that he will be married by next March.

But while UmpBumpers are certainly curious enough about the identity of this mystery woman Matsui has married, the far more pressing question has to be, is she a Hot Baseball Wife?

While the sketch above implies a certain level of hotness, if you sort of tilt your head sideways and squint at it funny, more information is needed to return a verdict of “hot” - so let’s go to the evidence…

1. Matsui is a Major League ballplayer, one of Japan’s most instantly recognizable public figures, and has often been referred to as “the most eligible bachelor in Japan.”

This means she is likely to be hot.

2. She is 25 years old and Japanese.

This information increases the likelihood that she is hot.

3. According to Matsui, she quit her job at a reputable sporting goods company about 1 year ago.

Well, having no job at all is not so hot, but then again, gold-diggers are often hot.

4. “Matsui became attracted to her personality as well as her discretion and proposed to her,” sports tabloid Sankei Sports reported.

Hmm. When people start talking about “personality” and “discretion,” actual hotness starts to be questioned.

5. At his press conference Matsui declared, “In short, I fell in love at first sight.”

Well, maybe she was pretty hot after all if Matsui fell in love just by looking at her.

6. “She is reserved and is not so sprightly,” Matsui said. “I think she is a person who is very considerate to others.”

Uh, okay. “Considerate to others” is hot, but “reserved” and “not so sprightly”? That sounds kind of un-hot.

So what do you think? Is this woman likely to be hot? You make the call:

more at twiigs.com…

This isn’t a list of who I think will be the best teams in 2008. It’s a list of the teams I think will be the most fun to watch, from as objective a standpoint as possible. The teams at the top of this list have something that the French call…I don’t know what. The teams at the bottom? Not so much.

1. Yankees — They’re playing their final season in Yankees Stadium. They’re trying to win with a ton of young pitching. They’ve got A-Rod gunning for a fourth MVP award, while dodging steroid accusations. Giambi is trying to prove that he can be useful, even without the drugs. Abreu is in a contract year and, by all accounts, is taking the game seriously for the first time in his life. And the new Steinbrenners have thus far been wonderful, magical chips off the old block.

2. Nationals — Dukes. Dmitri. Milledge. Lo Duca. All on the same team. Washington will be many things, but not boring.

3. Cubs — The Red Sox and White Sox have both broken their curses. This could be the Cubs’ year. I saw the Cubs play the White Sox in Tucson this spring and I have to say, Cubs fans are the best. They’re super loyal and they walk around wearing t-shirts that say things like, “1989 NL East Champions,” like anybody cares that they were the second best team in the NL 20 years ago. One girl, who couldn’t have been any older than 19, came up to my friend, who was wearing a Yankees jersey, and started berating him and the Bombers, cursing up a blue streak and accusing New York of buying all their championships (as if current Cubs ownership isn’t trying to do the same). Then she asked him — nay, ordered him — to buy her a beer.

4. Tigers — It’s going to be fun to watch these guys hit. But can they pitch? It’s a safe bet that Verlander is going to get his wins. How well Bonderman pitches (particularly in the first inning of games, where he’s been atrocious) will probably determine whether this team goes the distance.

5. Indians — The Tribe had a big year in 2007, buoyed by strong seasons from C.C. Sabbathia and Fausto Carmona. Can C.C. keep carrying the load? Will Hafner rebound from a so-so year?

6. Diamondbacks — This team confounded experts last year, winning the division despite the fact that they gave up more runs than they scored. This year, Arizona’s young guns are a year older and ready to show that last year wasn’t a fluke. Plus, they added Dan Haren.

7. Dodgers — Will Torre play the young guys (Ethier, Kemp, Loney)? Or will he stick with the veterans (Nomar, Pierre)? The answer to that question could decide whether the Dodgers make the postseason — and whether Jeff Kent’s head explodes.

8. Mets — They’re trying to rebound from an epic collapse. Running Johan Santana out to the mound every five games should help. Also, will David Wright finally get his MVP Award this season? He should have won last year.

9. Phillies — The Phils won the NL East last year. They have not one, not two, but THREE MVP candidates, as well as one of the most exciting young pitchers in the game (Cole Hamels). And they’re still not the favorites to win the division. But don’t tell them that. Jimmy Rollins thinks this year’s team could win 100 games and manager Charlie Manuel thinks they could break a team record for most runs scored.

10. Red Sox — They didn’t do much this offseason. But, then again, they didn’t have to. Will Manny have a big contract year? Will Beckett stay healthy? Will Jacoby win the Rookie of the Year? Will Schilling’s diet work? If the Sox win the World Series this season, they will officially achieve dynasty status. But with injuries to J.D. Drew, Beckett and Schilling there are already a lot of question marks.

11. Reds — They’ve got a shot at the postseason, provided they get big contributions from rookies Bruce and Votto. Only problem is, one half of that duo is currently toiling in AAA. Will the Reds stay afloat long enough for Bruce’s midseason call-up to matter?

12. Rockies — They went to the World Series last season on the strength of an otherworldly hot streak. Nobody’s picking them to get there again in 2008. Will they prove the skeptics wrong? Will Tulo suffer a sophomore slump (He’s hit six homers so far this spring)? Will Halladay win the MVP?

13. Braves — Do Chipper and the gang have one last playoff run in them? We’ll find out. As a Phillies fan, I’m legitimately scared of this Braves team. But Atlanta fans will have to learn how to eat with their feet, considering they’re going to have all their fingers crossed hoping Hampton, Smoltz and Chipper stay healthy.

14. Brewers — They’re bound to make the playoffs one of these years, right? Now that Prince is a vegetarian, I say they’re a lock. Also, it’s going to be awesome watching Ryan Braun play defense for an entire season in the bigs.

15. Cardinals — They’ve got Rick Ankiel and (for the moment) Juan Gonzalez, plus Pujols’ elbow is going to tear any day now. This team is full of intrigue — though more than a little light on talent.

16. Rays — They have this year’s leading AL Rookie of the Year candidate. Problem is, they just sent him to the minors. The Rays are probably a year or two away from winning the East, but they can make things interesting.

17. Giants — The Giants will be bad. But will they be historically bad? When Bengie Molina is your cleanup hitter, you know it’s going to be a long year. I think this team can lose 110 games.

18. A’s — The experts have picked the A’s to tank. The computers have picked them to finish first. Who will be proven right? If the A’s win the AL West, Billy Beane can start writing his Hall of Fame induction speech.

19. Mariners — They traded future star Adam Jones for strikeout machine Erik Bedard. And they signed groundball pitcher Carlos Silva. But the real question is how long will they leave Jose Vidro at DH? He sucks!

20. Angels — They said they needed to get some protection for Vlad in the lineup, so they went out and signed Torri Hunter. As protection goes, that’s right up there with jumping up and down after sex.

21. Rangers — The ONLY reason they’re this high on the list is I’m super psyched to see if Josh Hamilton will carry his hot spring into the regular season. I saw this guy play in spring training. He tagged-up and went from first to second on a flyball to center and I swear I’ve never seen anybody move so fast. Plus he has tattoos.

22. Padres — At some point this season, they could have a rotation featuring Peavy, Young, Maddux, Prior and Wolf. That would be fun.

23. Astros — Ed Wade is out to prove his critics wrong. Unfortunately, there is virtually no chance that Houston will win the Central, but Hunter Pence is an exciting player. And I’m really curious to see if Jose Valverde can repeat last year’s dominance.

24. Marlins — Another year, another rebuild. But the Fish still have some exciting young players. They probably won’t win the East, but they’ll make it interesting. Look for a breakout year from Scott Olsen (followed by an SI story where he expresses his disdain for all the Jews, Cubans and gays in Miami).

25. Twins — Delmon Young finished second in the AL Rookie of the Year voting and then got traded. Will he finally learn to be a more patient hitter? Will Francisco Liriano return to form? Will Morneau put together an MVP season? Will Mauer stay healthy? So many questions.

26. Royals — They hired a manager straight out of Japan. Plus, they’re bringing back the powder blue unis!

27. White Sox — Kenny Williams thinks his team can win the AL Central. He’s pretty much the only one. Chicago’s other team should have started rebuilding two years ago.

28. Pirates — Jason Bay will have a big year. He knows he’s only going to get traded if he builds up his trade value. And he wants to get traded. Wouldn’t you?

29. Blue Jays — They’re also bringing back the powder blue unis. And they’ve got David Eckstein.

30. Orioles — They are going to finish in last place. It’s going to be ugly.

Yesterday, they said Paul Lo Duca would catch the ceremonial first pitch at the Nationals’ new park, thrown by President George W. Bush.

Today, they said “never mind.” It’ll be somebody else. Anybody else. Maybe Manny Acta.

So what’s wrong with Lo Duca?

I have a few ideas.

Mind you, I don’t live in Washington. I don’t work in politics. But I’ve seen enough episodes of “The West Wing” to know how these things work.

We can assume Lo Duca got vetted. This is common practice. If you’re a member of the public and you’re going to be coming within 100 yards of the president, then they’re going to take a look at your file.

Somebody investigated Lo Duca and raised an objection. The question is who? And why?

Lo Duca’s ouster had to be either politically motivated, or it was over security concerns.

Why would Lo Duca be a political liability? Well, there was that little matter of Lo Duca’s gambling debts, which were said to be sizable. Lo Duca claimed his debts were with offshore bookies, which is illegal. Then there was his very public divorce from his playmate wife and the revelations of his affair with a 19-year old college student.

Why would Lo Duca be a security concern? Did we mention the gambling debts? Two years ago the New York Daily News reported that on at least two occasions, big mafia-type guys attempted to visit Mets catcher at ball parks for the purpose of collecting gambling debts. If guys want to break your legs, you don’t get to hang with the prez.

Is it fair? Maybe not. But that’s the way it is. A guy with Lo Duca’s checkered past simply can’t catch for the President.

Now, if he wants to be president, that’s another story. In fact, his divorce might even help.

UPDATE: Andrew points out that Lo Duca’s inclusion in the Mitchell report probably didn’t make him any more palatable politically. I totally meant to mention that.

I’m not one to pick a fight. Whenever the editor of a newspaper for which I don’t work for comes over to my cubicle screaming obscenities as to why the Internet is jacked up, I look down, blush red in anger, and bite my lip.

Loyal UmpBump readers know that I rarely have a bone to pick with anyone (well, except Jay Mariotti, but who doesn’t?!)

But this morning, as I unfolded the sports section of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution I came across a column by one Furman Bisher, a pundit I’d never heard of in my life. And his column, “Sayonara, baseball tradition” though eloquent, rich in historical facts, embellished with romantic longing for yesteryear, came across as outstandingly ignorant and scandalous.

Now, as I said, I’d never heard of Bisher, so I brushed up on his bio just to know who I was dealing with, and it’s more than evident that he’s an eminence and he’s earned his place among accomplished sports journalists.

But passages like this have finally broken my impression of printed dates preceded by the number 19 as current or modern; and clearly, like Bisher, those dates belong in the 20th century, and not in the opinion pages of any publication:

Well, not any longer. Money can change any habit. Eight springs ago the Mets and Cubs opened the season, not in Cincinnati. Guess where? Tokyo. That Tokyo, the guys who gave us Pearl Harbor. Some people don’t like you to bring that up, trade with Japan is so hot. But I’ve got a long memory. I saw what a few bombs can do to our property.

Oh, well, ‘scuse me. It’s just tough to get away from it when you turn on your TV in the morning there are the Boston Red Sox playing the Oakland A’s in the Tokyo Dome. Not only that, but the Red Sox pitcher is Daisuke Matsuzaka, who didn’t grow up in Wampole.

I have no problem with Furman waxing nostalgic about Red Stockings and how every season was opened in Cincinnati; yes, tradition is something we all long for and have a hard time breaking off. But when you go from Cubs-Mets in Tokyo, to the Japanese bombing Pearl Harbor, to Daisuke and Opening Day ‘08, it’s time to ignore the senile old man and let him sit in his chair, drinking his sweet tea.

Except, of course, he’s not sitting idly reminiscing on his better days. He’s in the opinion pages of both a major daily and its website!

Bah, who am I kidding. This is the AJC, and this is Georgia, where it’s still illegal to buy beer on Sunday. Too bad old man Bisher doesn’t realize that, much like him, some traditions, for better or worse, will simply not go away.

I got an email this morning. Rumors and Rants wants bloggers to share their memories of their favorite baseball teams.

I’m a Phillies fan under 40 years old, so I’ve only got a couple of options. And I chose to write about the 1993 Phillies.

I’m sure you remember the ‘93 Phils, the ragtag team that came tantalizingly close to winning the World Series, only to lose when Joe Carter took a Mitch Williams hanging slider deep for a three-run home run.

But do you know what happened to the team after that World Series? I did a little digging, and here’s what I found:

1. John Kruk, who weighed 317 lbs. in 1993, was diagnosed with testicular cancer following the 2003 season. The cancer was only discovered after an errant Mitch Williams pick-off throw shattered Kruk’s cup during spring training. Following surgery, Kruk went on Letterman and joked about life with only one ball. ESPN now pays him to analyse baseball games. He recently guessed starred on Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

2. Dave Hollins returned to the Phillies in 2002, but was forced out of the league after only 17 at bats after a series of dangerous spider bites agrivated his diabetes.

3. Lenny Dykstra retired in 1998 after a series of injuries. In the 2003 book, “Moneyball,” A’s GM Billy Beane described Dykstra as a player who succeeded because of a lack of self-awareness. Today, Dykstra serves as president of several of his privately held companies, including car washes; a partnership with Castrol in “Team Dykstra” Quick Lube Centers; a ConocoPhillips fueling facility; a real estate development company; and a new venture to develop several “I Sold It on eBay” stores throughout high-demographic areas of Southern California. Dykstra has helped bring to the forefront an investment strategy called “Deep in the Money Calls”. He has also appeared on Fox News Channel’s The Cost of Freedom and was a columnist for TheStreet.com. Last year he purchased Wayne Gretzky’s $17 million estate. The New Yorker recently wrote a six-page story about Nails. Read it.

4. Darren Daulton was the leader of the 1993 Phillies. He was a rock behind the plate. And he had great hair. In 1997, Daulton, minus all of his knee cartilage, switched to right field. The Phillies traded him to the Marlins at the trading deadline, to give him a chance to win a World Series. The Fish used him at first base and as a pinch hitter and Florida won championship. Daulton retired with a ring. Since retiring, he has been arrested a number of times for DUI and domestic violence. In 2004, he spent two months in jail in contempt of court after refusing to abide by the terms of a legal agreement related to the divorce. He recently claimed in a televised interview with ESPN that he has “skipped through time” and undergone “astral travel.”

5. Mitch Williams was traded to the Astros after the 1993 season. His MLB career fell apart pretty quickly. After retiring he operated a Philadelphia-area bowling alley. He spent some time with the Atlantic City Surf, first as a player and then as a manager. Today he’s a post-game analyst on Comcast Sports Net in Philly. Recently, he was tossed out of his daughter’s youth basketball games after he cursed at the ref.

6. Jim Eisenreich resides in the Kansas City area with his wife Leann and four children. They run the Jim Eisenreich Foundation for Children with Tourette Syndrome which they founded in 1996. It helps children with TS to achieve personal success.

7. Pete Incaviglia is in his first season as the manager of the Grand Prairie AirHogs, a new semi-pro team (with an awesome logo) that isn’t affiliated with any MLB teams. He was named in the Jason Grimsley affidavit as a user of amphetamines.

8. Curt Schilling is on a diet.

Baseball is here. Yes, I know it’s March, and most of you are thinking brackets and basketball, but that didn’t stop Selig and his henchmen from orchestrating a third consecutive opening day in Japan. Not that there’s anything wrong with it, mind you; but it is kinda odd to wake up, turn on the TV, and see Keith Foulke striking out Manny Ramirez to end the 8th. Keith Foulke?! Wha? Ricoh? Am I still awake? Moss who?

So anyway, now that the new major league baseball season is underway, I think it appropriate to compile all the bonus material we have been working in preparation for 2008 here at UmpBump.

Obviously, it wouldn’t be 2008 without some hot off season action. So make your way to our easy-to-digest breakdown of every single major-league club’s offseason strategy.

But don’t forget to check out our “what they still need” features; who knows, some of those teams might still need some of that hocus pocus (yes, Royals fans, keep drinking that Kool-Aid).

For those of you scoring at home, 2008 can be the year of many a milestone. Will Griffey, Jr. reach 600 homers? Will Randy Johnson notch his 300th win? Will Johnny Damon leg-out his 100th triple?

And last but not least, don’t forget to keep up with our Fantasy League. We’ll keep you up with most major transactions. And with all the knowledge we spew everyday and everything, it should be interesting.

(Psst, and don’t forget to be in the look out for these)

What’s that you say? Who are we to judge? Let ‘er rip in the comments!