• HaroldHecuba: Mike Mussina is EASTERN EUROPEAN, not Italian....

My brand-spankin’-new Baseball Prospectus annual has been my constant companion practically since the books hit the shelves. If you, like me, have also been lugging it carrying it everywhere with you, then you, like me, may have also noticed that it is rather, shall we say, husky. Rather generously proportioned. Big boned, if you will. A bit Sabathian. Girthy.

By contrast, my purse these days is petite (I had to give up on the ginormo Olsen-twin style bags after a sobering brush with kyphosis). The BP annual, however, has the approximate dimensions of a metropolitan phone book. I don’t know about you, but I generally don’t cart the Yellow Pages around with me, and even if I did, I wouldn’t be able to fit it in my cute little handbag. This means that I have become accustomed to tucking the tome under my elbow, and, in the process of carrying it thither and yon, I have discovered numerous alternate uses for it. As a public service, I will now share my ten favorite unofficial uses for the BP annual:

10) Travel pillow

9) Wind-deflector (for shielding morning coffee from blustery March weather en route from Starbucks to office)

8) Portable lap desk and/or breakfast tray

7) Medicine ball alternative when doing abdominal exercises

6) Effective flyswatter; unbeatable even against these

5) Stepping stool—for those high shelves

4) Self-defense mechanism/bludgeon

3) Golf umbrella

2) Car jack

And the most effective alternate use for your 2008 BP annual?

1) Man magnet*

* Disclaimer: Neither Baseball Prospectus nor UmpBump will be held responsible for bad pickup lines.

2 Responses to “Other uses for your 2008 Baseball Prospectus annual”

  1. Nice, I’ve also seen the BP tome used as a surface for breaking up weed on… umm… right before I threw it away and called the cops… um yeah, that’s the ticket

Leave a Reply

Marketplace

    Subscribe via email

    Enter your email address:

    Archives

What's Popular

Featured posts

220px-Bbwaa_logo_web

December 5, 2011

Will anybody get elected to the Hall of Fame this year?

Last week, we asked you to vote for who you would like to see enshrined in baseball’s Hall of Fame. The verdict? If it were up to UmpBump readers, nobody would make it in. The leading vote getter (so far) is Jeff Bagwell, who has 60% support. Of course, in the real voting, players need […]

January 5, 2011

Annual UmpBump Hall of Fame Balloting: 2011 Edition

In what has become an annual tradition, we here at UmpBump cast our ballots for the Hall of Fame on the eve of the announcements of the voting for the real Hall of Fame. Voters can vote for anyone ever who has been retired from baseball for at least five years and is not already […]

According to the internet, "The Little Napoleon" John McGraw was the greatest manager of all time.

October 19, 2010

Crowdsourcing the Greats: The Top 10 Managers of All Time

Now that we’ve looked at every position on the diamond, as well as relief pitchers, we are nearing the end of our “Crowdsourcing the Greats” series. But before we finish, let’s turn one more time to the internet hoi polloi for answers on who the greatest baseball manager of all time was. As usual, we […]