My brand-spankin’-new Baseball Prospectus annual has been my constant companion practically since the books hit the shelves. If you, like me, have also been lugging it carrying it everywhere with you, then you, like me, may have also noticed that it is rather, shall we say, husky. Rather generously proportioned. Big boned, if you will. A bit Sabathian. Girthy.
By contrast, my purse these days is petite (I had to give up on the ginormo Olsen-twin style bags after a sobering brush with kyphosis). The BP annual, however, has the approximate dimensions of a metropolitan phone book. I don’t know about you, but I generally don’t cart the Yellow Pages around with me, and even if I did, I wouldn’t be able to fit it in my cute little handbag. This means that I have become accustomed to tucking the tome under my elbow, and, in the process of carrying it thither and yon, I have discovered numerous alternate uses for it. As a public service, I will now share my ten favorite unofficial uses for the BP annual:
10) Travel pillow
9) Wind-deflector (for shielding morning coffee from blustery March weather en route from Starbucks to office)
8) Portable lap desk and/or breakfast tray
7) Medicine ball alternative when doing abdominal exercises
6) Effective flyswatter; unbeatable even against these
5) Stepping stool—for those high shelves
4) Self-defense mechanism/bludgeon
3) Golf umbrella
2) Car jack
And the most effective alternate use for your 2008 BP annual?
1) Man magnet*
* Disclaimer: Neither Baseball Prospectus nor UmpBump will be held responsible for bad pickup lines.