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matsuiwife.jpg

In a bizarre drama, Hideki Matsui announced on Thursday that he has secretly gotten married, but he refuses to divulge the identity of his wife, showing only sketches of her drawn by himself and his brother.

What made the whole situation even more bizarre is that Matsui may have married her in order to win a bet he made with teammates Derek Jeter and Bobby Abreu.

According to the terms of the bet, if Matsui got married first, he would win an undisclosed sum of money from the other two, but since Matsui was considered more likely to get married first, Jeter and Abreu were given handicaps of 1 year and 6 months, respectively.

This means that if Jeter can get married in the next year, or Abreu can get married in the next 6 months, matsuiwife2.jpgthey won’t have to pay anything to Matsui, but both players are already conceding that Matsui has won for sure and say they will pay up now.

According to Jeter, there is “no chance” that he will be married by next March.

But while UmpBumpers are certainly curious enough about the identity of this mystery woman Matsui has married, the far more pressing question has to be, is she a Hot Baseball Wife?

While the sketch above implies a certain level of hotness, if you sort of tilt your head sideways and squint at it funny, more information is needed to return a verdict of “hot” – so let’s go to the evidence…

1. Matsui is a Major League ballplayer, one of Japan’s most instantly recognizable public figures, and has often been referred to as “the most eligible bachelor in Japan.”

This means she is likely to be hot.

2. She is 25 years old and Japanese.

This information increases the likelihood that she is hot.

3. According to Matsui, she quit her job at a reputable sporting goods company about 1 year ago.

Well, having no job at all is not so hot, but then again, gold-diggers are often hot.

4. “Matsui became attracted to her personality as well as her discretion and proposed to her,” sports tabloid Sankei Sports reported.

Hmm. When people start talking about “personality” and “discretion,” actual hotness starts to be questioned.

5. At his press conference Matsui declared, “In short, I fell in love at first sight.”

Well, maybe she was pretty hot after all if Matsui fell in love just by looking at her.

6. “She is reserved and is not so sprightly,” Matsui said. “I think she is a person who is very considerate to others.”

Uh, okay. “Considerate to others” is hot, but “reserved” and “not so sprightly”? That sounds kind of un-hot.

So what do you think? Is this woman likely to be hot? You make the call:

9 Responses to “Hot Baseball Wife? Hideki Matsui’s Mystery Wife”

  1. Brilliant move! Considering only 20 people show up to the game anyway. By giving away 10 tickets to fat guys they’re insuring that their consession sals at least double!

  2. Since they are in Miami, instead of fat guys dancing maybe they should have anorexic models snorting the base lines.

  3. Sarah Green says:

    Or bare-chested Latino gay guys rollerblading around the bases?

  4. Brian Sadecki says:

    Matsui’s also an admitted porn collector. If she can hold her own against trunks upon trunks of Hentai then she must be very hot indeed.

  5. They are taking the soap opera to a new level. Seriously, this is just ridiculous. He looks like the Precinct 3 spokesperson telling the press about a suspected perfume thief.

  6. We’re treading close to Fritz Peterson and Mike Kekich creepiness here.

  7. The fact that Matsui broke out a sketch of his wife is a bit frightening. Based on his well known affinity for the porn, I’m surprised the sketch isn’t a full nude shot…

  8. When I saw that picture Matsui drew, I was geeking out for 10 minutes. Too funny!

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