Today the Arizona Daily Star has a lovely little feature on Bill Hohn, who has umpired major-league baseball games for 18 seasons and is now rehabbing in Tucson after injuries stalled his career.

From the Daily Star:

In the last two years, he has had three surgeries to repair herniated disks in his lower back and the sciatic nerve in his left hip. Hohn, a 52-year-old native of Butler, Pa., missed most of 2007.

During his comeback, he has spent the last seven days on a rehabilitation stint at Tucson Sidewinders games. He is expected to return to the major leagues Friday in Atlanta.

Bill Hohn in Tucson

Hohn’s is a feel good story. But his is a look bad face. Behold:

Bill Hohn

I don’t know what is going on here. It’s more than a mustache, but less than a Fu Manchu. And apparently this is nothing new:


I suppose he has good reason grow the ‘stache. After all, umps need to look tough. If I was an ump, I’d want to look like as much of a hard ass as possible. But somebody needs to tell Hohn that the the secret to a successful Fu Manchu is uniformity. The hairs above the lip and along the sides of the mouth need to be the same length. This party on top (lip) and business on the sides look is not good.

Pay attention, Bill. This is how it’s done:

Rod Beck

Ahhh. Now that’s some truly fortunate facial hair.

8 Responses to “Unfortunate Facial Hair: Umpire Edition”

  1. Sarah Green says:

    I admit, I have a good time shouting along to Sweet Caroline at Fenway, but my recent favorite has actually been “Two Tickets to Paradise,” which they also frequently play. After all, a warm, clear evening in the Fens is rather paradisic.

  2. Paul!

    Any updates on the results?

  3. Paul Moro says:


    Not yet.

  4. Paul Moro says:

    Oh, but I can report back that at the game on Saturday, “Sweet Caroline” didn’t exactly receive a welcome reception.

  5. Nick Kapur says:

    Wait, wait. My question is, why the heck does an umpire need a “rehabilitation” stint in the minors?

  6. Lyndsay says:

    are you kidding me? that mustache is totally badass. thats the kind of mustache that makes Wade Boggs cry with envy.

  7. Now there’s a card to chop lines with!

  8. Bill Hohn. Worst ump in the game…misses calls, instigates arguments and harbors vendettas. The worst of all that is bad about umpires, none of the good. I never wish injury upon another person, but it would have helped the game if he retired and never came back.

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