Jason Giambi is not boring

Today we learned that Jason Giambi likes to wear a gold, tiger-print thong whenever he needs help breaking out of a slump.

According to Giambi, “The thong works every time.”

But if you thought that’s the only gem unearthed from Franz Lidz’s story about the Giambi, you’d be mistaken.

Giambi on the ups and downs of life:

Whenever something perfect happens you can always count on something else going wrong. As much fun as I had during my ‘comeback season’ in 2006, life was bittersweet. My dog got cancer.”

I’m nominating this for player quote of the year. I can’t explain why I love this quote so much. But just as U.S. Sumpreme Court justice Potter Stewart knew pornography when he saw it, I know a great quote. And that is a great quote.

And Giambi doesn’t stop there.

Giambi on family and responsibility:

“My teammates used to call me the Modern-day Mick because I could play all day and party all night. Now I’m more of a family guy. I drive an Escalade to the ballpark.”

You simply have to love a guy who equates family values with driving an Escalade. You also have to love a guy whose motto is, “party like a rock star, hammer like a porn star, rake like an all-star.” I feel fairly certain that, if John Lennon were alive today, this would be his motto, too.

Giambi on life after baseball:

“After A-Rod retires, he wants to be a real estate mogul, the next Donald Trump. I could care less. As long as I can have a fast boat and a margarita machine and can light my hair on fire, I’ll be just fine.”

When I read this quote, I can’t help but wonder: what is the name of Giambi’s boat? Enquiring minds want to know.

Maybe you’re wondering, “what does Jason have to say about his ice-cold start to the season?” Here’s what:

“I never hear the boos because I’m too busy booing myself,” he says. “No critic is worse on me than me: I can beat myself up pretty good.”

It’s true that Giambi is a very vocal critic. Remember in 2006, when he took Alex Rodriguez to task for failing to hit in the clutch? Here’s what Giambi told A-Rod, who at the time was hitting .286, 34 home runs and 116 RBI:

“When you hit three, four or five [in the order], you have to get the big hits, especially if they’re going to walk Bobby [Abreu] and me. I’ll help you out until you get going. I’ll look to drive in runs when they pitch around me, go after that 3-and-1 pitch that might be a ball. But if they’re going to walk Bobby and me, you’re going to have to be the guy.”

It’s unclear if Giambi has tried wearing his gold thong yet this season. But if he hasn’t given it a shot, what is he waiting for? Jason, you’re hitting .181! Put on the thong! You have to be the guy!