Another week’s worth of fantasy baseball triumphs and heartbreaks are now receding in the rearview mirror of the UmpBumpmobile. A look at how we did, who we loved, and who we cursed with shaking fists:

Coley: Last week, prompted in part by Paul’s post on Jose Reyes, I finally bit the bullet and pulled the trigger on a big trade, sending Reyes to Swamp Dragons for Yunel Escobar and Carl Crawford. Of course, Escobar promptly went out and nearly tore his knee in half and then Reyes jacked two homers yesterday, his first day as an ex-Crunkball All-Star. But you know what? I’m not regretting it. Yunel is going to be fine, it seems. And let’s be real: Reyes is not going to morph into a power hitter overnight. Hot: Carlos Pena, Benjie Molina. Not: Oliver Perez, Brett Myers.

Alejandro: I’m not sure how long this surge will last, but my Center Field Stud keeps on climbing up the charts. Whereas my pitching was the fulcrum of my success two weeks ago, last week it was my offense that flexed its biceps. Magglio Ordóñez (about that first week, yea, let’s fuggedabouit) had a whopping 24 bases, contributing to a grand total 144 bases for the Stud. Carlos Lee also hit double digits in RBIs, pushing 12 runs across the plate. Aaron Rowand is showing signs of life, posting a respectable .423 OBP, hitting 2 home runs, collecting 14 bases, 3 runs, and 9 RBIs. Dan Uggla, Chipper Jones, Jermaine Dye, Hunter Pence, all had solid weeks. Too bad I can’t say the same about a few that I’ll name in the “not” category, below. My pitching was meh, earning me 5 wins, 2 saves, and 45 Ks (enough to win those three categories, but allowing a 4.00 ERA and a 1.37 WHIP. I did manage to eke ahead in the ever-elusive K/BB category, with a 2.81 rate. I do have to point out one Mark Hendrickson, who I almost dropped, this week earned 2 wins and punched out 12 dudes in the process (his ERA isn’t hotness, but I’ll take those 12 Ks). Once again, another solid week from CFS and a 9-3 victory. I now sit 11 games out of first place, and only 1.5 from overtaking Sarah’s Somerville Green Sox. Hot: Carlos Lee, Magglio Ordóñez, Aaron Rowand, Dan Uggla, Chipper Jones, Mark Hendrickson (ugh, how unpredictable), B.J. Ryan. Not: Hanley Ramirez, Alex Gordon, Fred Lewis, Emil Brown, A.J. Pierzynski, Vicente Padilla.

Paul: It’s a crazy mixed up world. It’s a Doggy Dogg World. The Dogg’s World. Truer words were never spoken by man. And this can be the only possible explanation as to why ElDuquesInjuryReport finally lost last week to Kirk’s Montefusco’s Revenge. My squad began the week strong, but as I checked the score on Wednesday, it was a total role reversal. Corey “The Guy In Shades” Hart and Ryan Howard simply eclipsed whatever little offense my team was able to muster. And Matt Holliday hit the DL, seemingly out of nowhere. Fantastico. To make matters worse, I sat Justin Duchscherer on Saturday thinking that I should avoid the Red Sox offense if possible. I’ve had better ideas, it turned out. And trust me. I’ve had some terrible ideas in the past. (Full disclosure – I forgot that yesterday was a holiday. I am sans computer back at home and can only use internet at work. Did not update my lineup. Missed Kazmir’s performance last night. For two teams. But I digress). I’m still in first place, however, with a 3.5 game lead over Scott and his Utley’s Firm Quads. Hot: Adam Dunn, Shane Victorino, C.C. Sabathia, Scott Kazmir. Not: Pretty much everyone else. Especially Kevin Youkilis, Edwin Encanacion, Kosuke Fukudome, Jhonny Peralta.

Sarah: By now it’s safe to say that the Somerville Green Sox have one of the hottest offenses in the UmpBump league. They tear up the charts every single week and they do it with only one can’t-drop player, Ryan Braun. Braun didn’t have even a single home run last week, yet my team finished the week with 15 round trippers, getting multiple dingers from Ian Kinsler, Xavier Nady, Carlos Guillen, Stephen Drew, and Rickie Weeks. Jacoby Ellsbury continues to be a stolen base and on-base machine, and Troy Glaus has finally decided to join the party. That’s how you end up with 146 total bases at the end of the week, the best mark in the league. But the question for my young squad has always been pitching. On paper, the guys I drafted looked good. But reality has been a different story—until now. I got a 1-run complete game from FA pickup Dana Eveland at the beginning of the week to set the tone. I got two quality starts from back-in-black Justin Verlander and a decent outing from Andy Pettitte. And I saved myself by presciently choosing to bench the ailing Roy Oswalt, who proceeded to get rocked by the Phillies. I even won the saves category (truly phenomenal, given that my closers consist of lost-in-the-woods Eric Gagne and just-temping Manny Acosta). I ended the week with an 11-1 thrashing of Pirates in 08!, losing only the strikeouts category, and moved back up to third place in the league. Hot: Eveland, Verlander, Kinsler, Nady. Not: Oswalt and Eric Gagne, currently chilling on my bench, but sure to be dropped soon.

Standings, with games behind:

1. Paul (ElDuquesInjuryReport) (0)

2. Scott (Utley’s Firm Quads) (3.5)

3. Sarah (Somerville Green Sox) (10.5)

4. Alejandro (Center Field Stud) (11)

5. Doug (Swamp Dragons) (11.5)

6. Bryan (Pirates in 08!) (15.5)

7. Kirk (Montefusco’s Revenge) (16.5)

8. Larry(croutchyoldman) (20.5)

9. Ania (Box89RowKKSeat14) (23.5)

10. Sooze (freebase my balls) (24.5)

11. Coley (Crunkball All Stars) (29)

12. Caitlin (caitlin grace) (32)

11 Responses to “UmpBump’s Week 8 Fantasy Results”

  1. Sarah Green says:

    You know, the team that immediately leaps to my mind is the Rays. Everyone’s been talking about “Why don’t they sign Barry Bonds?” Well, it appears the Tampa Bay FO doesn’t want to take on the baggage. But Frank Thomas is, of course, a completely different matter—high OBP, still has power, and not even one carry-on sized piece of baggage.

    The question is—why didn’t Riccardi try to trade him, for crying out loud?! Would *no* other team really have taken on that contract? I thought the Jays were saying they were going to contend this year. Apparently they’ve decided to throw in the towel….on April 20.

  2. Nick Kapur says:

    Amazingly, unbelievably, the day after the Jays release Thomas, they start….ROD BARAJAS as their DH!!

    Yes, the same Rod Barajas who has a .239 career batting average and a .697 career OPS!

    What the heck is going on here? I mean, the Jays claimed they had to release Thomas to improve the team, but in which universe is Rod freaking Barajas a better option at DH than Frank Thomas?

  3. First of all, Sarah, I wouldn’t go so far as to say that Thomas doesn’t come with baggage. When he left the White Sox, there was quite a bit of animosity on both sides.

    Second, in addition to the Rays, I’ve heard the A’s, O’s and Mariners mentioned as possible landing spots. I think the Mariners make the most sense. Jose Vidro is simply not an acceptable DH.

  4. Nick Kapur says:

    Actually, what makes the most sense for the Mariners would be to sign Barry Bonds. He’s easily worth about 5 or 6 wins against Vidro, and could elevate them to the playoffs.

    And what would make the second most sense would be to sign anyone, really just about anyone, to replace Vidro. But since the Mariners seem hell-bent on sticking with Vidro and his .600 OPS just because he batted .300 last year, I doubt they will even consider Thomas. They think they’ve got an awesome DH.

  5. Sarah Green says:

    That’s a good point, Coley. But it’s still so much smaller than the baggage of a lot of other aging sluggers! If Barry Bonds has ginormous rolling-suitcase baggage, Frank’s baggage is like the size of my purse.

    He’s a blue, tumbled leather Coach handbag, Tampa Bay! Go get him!

  6. Lyndsay says:

    Not: Oswalt and Eric Gagne, currently chilling on my bench, but sure to be dropped soon.

    Sarah – you still have Gagne?!?

    I’m just baffled…

  7. Call me the yo-yo, but don’t call me, yo. My team has been stuck in a loss-win-loss-win pattern all season so far. (Does this bode well for Center Field Stud?) It feels good to beat the leader and stay in the hunt for the top six. My offense finally came alive, and my pitching held up pretty well. Ryan Howard, Corey Hart, and Clint Barmes (before he got hurt) were particularly potent, combining for 15 runs, 10 HR, and 20 RBI. I also managed to keep my WHIP down and my K/BB up.

    I also felt pretty good about picking up Lester BEFORE his no-hitter (which certainly helped my WHIP.) If only wire pickups could always be that successful.

    I am still at or near the bottom in all offensive categories except for HR, but better days appear to be ahead. I am still near the top in all the pitching categories, which will hopefully continue.

    Here’s hoping that I break the cycle and actually win two in a row.

  8. Sarah Green says:

    I know, Lyndsay. It was a very sad state of affairs. I had tried to trade for a closer, but the people with good closers weren’t willing to give them up, and the people with extraneous, crappy closers wanted too much in return.

    Nonetheless, I have now taken action. I dropped Gagne and picked up SF Giants closer Brian Wilson, who just cleared waivers after being dropped by Larry (croutchyoldman). One man’s trash, another woman’s treasure! Though Wilson pitches for the shittiest team in baseball and has stats that only a mother could love, he is still better than Eric Gagne. Welcome to the Green Sox, Brian.

  9. Lyndsay says:

    Sarah – there’s just no excuse for having Eric Gagne on your team, none whatsoever,especially since you were a firsthand witness to the atrocities that were his outings with the Sox in the 2nd half of last season. NO EXCUSE, Ned.

  10. Sarah Green says:


  11. Alejandro Leal says:

    Ugh, Kirk, combined with the fact that my team cannot win every single week, it looks like I’m gonna go down this week…

Leave a Reply

    Recent Comments

    • planet hobbywood: This is very interesting.
    • Bren: He is a awesome player and a good man.. sweet.. polite.. friendly.. down to earth.. he never acted as though he...
    • HADAJUN( Japanese): Okajima a Japanese hero?
    • Rickt: I am the biggest Cal Jr fan around but one of my good friends played minor league baseball in the Orioles...
    • HADAJUN: I wish for play in Japan. The death is regrettable.


    Subscribe via email

    Enter your email address:


Featured posts

December 5, 2011

Will anybody get elected to the Hall of Fame this year?

Last week, we asked you to vote for who you would like to see enshrined in baseball’s Hall of Fame. The verdict? If it were up to UmpBump readers, nobody would make it in. The leading vote getter (so far) is Jeff Bagwell, who has 60% support. Of course, in the real voting, players need […]

January 5, 2011

Annual UmpBump Hall of Fame Balloting: 2011 Edition

In what has become an annual tradition, we here at UmpBump cast our ballots for the Hall of Fame on the eve of the announcements of the voting for the real Hall of Fame. Voters can vote for anyone ever who has been retired from baseball for at least five years and is not already […]

October 19, 2010

Crowdsourcing the Greats: The Top 10 Managers of All Time

Now that we’ve looked at every position on the diamond, as well as relief pitchers, we are nearing the end of our “Crowdsourcing the Greats” series. But before we finish, let’s turn one more time to the internet hoi polloi for answers on who the greatest baseball manager of all time was. As usual, we […]