Manny Ramirez belted his 500th career home run tonight in Baltimore. (Why didn’t he do it on the West Coast road trip? “It’s too late, nobody would see it.” So true.) To celebrate the occasion, UmpBump presents its third edition of Manny Being Poetic, in which we take Manny’s quotes and rearrange them into the little philosophic bits of poetry we know they really are. Previous editions are here and here. Congratulations, Manny!

499 (That One)

Nobody cares

About that one.

That one’s


Everybody will forget

About that one.

Runner Thrown Out at Third

That guy probably

Didn’t see the video.

I’ve got a cannon.

Ode to Practice


I invented

That throw that I do.

I don’t know how it started,

It just happened.

Like three years ago.


I have to practice it,


I started to learn

How to throw it…but

I need to practice it



I haven’t practiced it

At all this year.

But I’ve got it.

High Five

I think that’s how you get your All-Star vote.

I’m pretty sure that guy’s going to vote for me.

One at a time–

That’s how it’s going to happen.

To Err is Human

I thought the ball was

Not going to travel that

far, so I missed it.

Tossed (The Angry Hamstring)

I was

A little mad.

My hamstring was

A little sore.

And in those situations,

You have to react.

18 Responses to “The Collected Works of Manny Ramirez: 500th Homer Commemorative Edition”

  1. Thank you for exposing this misuse of terminology. “Untracked” has been a major pet peeve of mine and I hear it on the radio and tv constantly. It’s not just in the printed media. I am absolutely perplexed that people who write and report for a living think “untracked” means the same as “on track.” It seems to be such a commonplace error that it has become the accepted term. I understand it when you hear a player misuse a turn of phrase but not a journalist. I have heard numerous athletes say they don’t want to be treated like an “escape” goat as opposed to a scapegoat, not surprising. My only explanation is that it is such a commonplace error that it is now the accepted term. Another example of this in sports terminology is “chomping at the bit,” which is the incorrect phrase. The correct and original saying is “champing at the bit,” but I have conceded this one long ago. Whenever I hear “untracked” it is like fingernails on the chalk board and it may be anal or nit picking but I can’t help it. It’s beyond annoying and I am totally with you on this one.

  2. I agree. Yay for anal grammar/language police! Someone needs to keep the mob in line.

  3. Sarah, I am in complete agreement(NOT “agreeance” which is not a word) with you. I can’t STAND errors like this, especially since a big company like Yahoo should have at least a few copywriters catching these errors. Like Mike Birbiglia’s joke goes, “the funny thing about sportwriters is that they don’t know how to play sports, but most of them don’t know how to write!”

    do people in the profession of writing not realize that I’m deducting IQ points when I see blatant grammatical and spelling errors? there’s a reason why this is THEIR JOB, and they are getting paid to do this! and don’t think because you are an “artist of the written word, you can just go ahead and make up words that don’t exist. it’s not just the content of the writing that counts, it’s the presentation as well. I wouldn’t accept a plate of food from a 4-star chef with a big chunk of raw meat hanging off of it and be asked to look past that in my judgment of it. I don’t know how great of an analogy that is, but you get what I’m saying…

    and while we’re at it…an apostrophe before an S in a noun denotes possession, not plurality! when are businesses, the media, ANYONE going to grasp this????

    thanks for letting me unleash an irrational commenter rant.

  4. also…BOSTON NEWSCASTERS…”irregardless” is not a word. I don’t care how cute it is said with a Boston accent.

  5. Lynniemac says:

    “You might be better of “toeing” it.”

    You might be better OFF “toeing” it, as well. Yes, I’m more anal than most. Why do you ask?

  6. Sarah Green says:

    Gah! Thanks for the proofreading. I fixed it. :)

  7. Irregardless originated in dialectal American speech in the early 20th century. Its fairly widespread use in speech called it to the attention of usage commentators as early as 1927. The most frequently repeated remark about it is that “there is no such word.” There is such a word, however. It is still used primarily in speech, although it can be found from time to time in edited prose. Its reputation has not risen over the years, and it is still a long way from general acceptance. Use regardless instead.

  8. I was also taught by a 3rd grade teacher that the verb “to get” is a vague and ugly verb, and that if there is a more specific way to say something, you should use an alternative, depending of course on the context. So I’ve always tried to avoid any forms of the verb “to get” when I write. just a random note…

  9. Cubs broadcaster Len Kasper used “untracked,” had several people email in to ask him if he meant “on track,” and then proceeded to explain that no, he meant untracked. It was on WGN… maybe last week?

  10. I meant to put this but forgot to. It should be noted that while I tend to agree with you, the sports writers are also correct.

    Here is the definition for untracked:

    un·tracked [uhn-trakt] –adjective

    1. that is not or cannot be tracked or traced: untracked marauders of the jungle.
    2. Informal. achieving a superior level of performance after a slow start: The team suddenly got untracked and began to score.

  11. Sarah Green says: is a slut.

  12. “ is a slut.”

    If I don’t read it through the magnifying glass in my Compact OED, damn it, it isn’t a word.

  13. Lyndsay says:

    beautiful. you do any open mikes with these?

    did you notice that NESN did a little Manny quest-for-500 montage to some Linkin Park where the refrain is “i tried so hard and lost it all, and in the end, it doesn’t really matter”? I dont know…it didn’t seem like the appropriate choice or words of wisdom for that moment. some good ol’ inspirational Foo Fighters next time, NESN.

  14. Sarah Green says:

    That is weird, Lyndsay. I didn’t see that montage, but that is a very weird choice of song. My ideal choice probably would have been an obvious classic: something by Boston. “Smokin'” anyone? Probably could come up with something better if I, like NESN, had been planning for months for this moment.

    My most memorable NESN montage actually combined two unlikely partners: David Ortiz and Christina Aguilera. Now, every time I hear “Ain’t No Otha Man,” I can only think of Papi hitting bombs. :)

  15. Sarah Green says:

    Ah, the video:

    Thanks, Ian!

  16. Sarah Chapple-Sokol says:

    Hey Sarah- I love these- they make me smile every time. Wasn’t there a quote that we found a couple of weeks ago that you were going to use? Now I can’t remember what it was…but it was perfect…

  17. this is probably my favorite part of the site. bravo.

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