America! F*** yeah!

13 Responses to “America! F*** yeah!”

1. Sarah Green Says:
   May 21st, 2008 at 3:11 pm

   The sad thing about that column on pink hats is that the Metro changed its website all around and now the link to the column is broken. You get some weird error message in Swedish. So here, courtesy of my personal file, is the text of the column from September of 2006:

   I remember when a pink hat was just a hat. But in 2004, pink baseball caps debuted on Yawkey Way and by 2005, the pink hat backlash had arrived. And this year, the phrase “the pink hats” has officially entered the Fenway lexicon. Usage: “Varitek’s ability to game call doesn’t really add much value,” as one member of the Sons of Sam Horn message board groused, “But every pink hat on Landsdowne St. will tell you how awesome the captain is because of his game-calling ability.”

   Nevermind for now that many blue hats would say the same thing. “Pink Hat” has become synonymous with a certain gender (female) a certain age (young) and a certain type of fan (bandwagon). In fact, nowadays you don’t even have to own a pink hat to be dismissed as a Pink Hat.

   Gentlemen, I know you hate sitting in front of a bunch of chicks knocking back six dollar beers, ogling Gabe Kapler, and ignoring the game. But puhlease—I have been sitting in front of frat guys doing the same thing for years (well, except for the Gabe Kapler part). Nowadays, these Bleacher Creatures seem to favor hats in St Patrick’s Day green. Yet where is all the purist “it’s not even a team color” moaning about the “Green Hat Brigade”? Yes, some female fans are unknowledgable bandwagon jumpers. But men, of course, have been lousy fans for years.

   There is one thing about the pink hats (and lavender jerseys, and sequined hoodies) that bothers me—but it’s not the women who wear them. The Red Sox can talk about “reaching out to female fans” until they are blue (or pink) in the face, but it will just make me see red until I can buy a traditional shirt in size small. I know I’m not the only woman tired of “mediums” that reach to her knees.

   Aware of the frustration among female fans, baseball-obsessed actress Alyssa Milano recently unveiled a new line of baseball shirts for women—and promptly made the situation even more exasperating. In one publicity shot, Milano shows off what appears to be a Pittsburgh Pirates kimono, complete with yellow satin sash. In another, she displays a White Sox blouse so violently polka-dotted it makes the pixels on my laptop vibrate. The Yankees v-neck top appears to be see-through. This is my alternative to XXL windbreakers?

   Meanwhile, NASCAR plans to offer bikinis and stilettos to its female following. NFL fans can buy a Tom Brady jersey in “peach,” Brian Urlacher in “crocus,” or Jake Plummer in “guava.” (Call me a stickler, but shouldn’t so-called “fashion” jerseys for a fall sport at least come in fall colors?) And at the US Open, pundits’ eyebrows raised and their tongues wagged about Maria Sharapova’s sparkly little black tennis dress, coupled with her “I feel pretty” Nike ad. “It’s okay to be fierce and competitive on the court and still have a feminine side off-court,” she explained. The 6’3” Siberian then proved you can win grand slams in sequins. Unfortunately, whether you can win respect in them is still an open question.

   As for the pink hats, I think I’ll pass—but not because of the backlash. It’s just that jungle camo really brings out my eyes.

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2. Coley Ward Says:
   May 21st, 2008 at 3:21 pm

   I didn’t want to get into this in the post, but I am a big fan of the “flex-to-fit” hats. I know they’re not quite as cool as the normal fitted hats, but as somebody who can never find a fitted hat that actually fits, I’ve learned to love the hats with the elastic bands in back. If only they would make the retro hats in flex-to-fit!

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3. Lyndsay Says:
   May 21st, 2008 at 5:08 pm

   oh my god WHERE did you find that retro sox cap? I NEED to get one for my dad!

   if you want to talk old school v. pink hats…my dad hates, HATES, Sweet Caroline. doesn’t get it. he was a peanut guy at Fenway for 8 years to put himself thru high school and college, was there for Ted Williams last at-bat, and the early days of Yaz. nowadays he would prefer to sit at home and watch NESN to going to the ballpark, dealing with crappy expensive seats, drunk college kids, long bathroom lines, all the advertising all over the place, and music and fan promos that he finds “distracting” to the game. he’s a purist. and during ’sweet caroline’ he just sits and shakes his head and says ‘when did THIS start happening?’ I feel sad almost because they’re not ‘his’ team anymore.that being said, he still ran up to me on the night of Clay’s no-no and said, “the new kid threw a no-hitter!” with all the giddiness of a 12 year old.

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4. Coley Ward Says:
   May 21st, 2008 at 5:37 pm

   Lyndsay, I also love that Sox cap. And you can find it here.

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5. Lyndsay Says:
   May 21st, 2008 at 5:42 pm

   and no, I guess my comment above has nothing to do with ballpark fashion. so carry on…

   I am with you on the shirt thing, Sarah. I don’t want a supertight girls shirt that shows off my sexy muffin top…nor do I want to swim around in a shirt that looks like it belongs to my grandfather.

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6. Danny O Says:
   May 21st, 2008 at 11:34 pm

   This is some funny-ass shit. Well said, Coley.

   I always thought the camo hats were aimed at folks who want to declare their love for hunting and/or fishing through baseball apparel.

   And I don’t know bout them flex hats; they give me a headache.

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7. Mike S Says:
   June 4th, 2008 at 8:58 pm

   I’ve found the absolute abomination, the worst of the worst. Check it out if you dare.
   http://www.lids.com/search.html?keywords=strawberry&imgActionsearch.x=0&imgActionsearch.y=0

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8. Sarah Green Says:
   July 1st, 2008 at 4:10 pm

   Yet you mock the camo hat, Coley. Whatever, vegetarian peacenik hippieman.

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9. Coley Ward Says:
   July 1st, 2008 at 4:20 pm

   I don’t know what my love of the freedom hat, as I have so dubbed it, has to do with my vegetarianism. Except that both make me irresistible to women.

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10. Paul Moro Says:
    July 1st, 2008 at 4:34 pm

    You’re right, Coley. Nothing like a delicious celery stick to rope in the ladies.

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11. Sarah Green Says:
    July 1st, 2008 at 4:55 pm

    You don’t win friends with salad, Ward.

    You win them with GUNS!!!

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12. coley Says:
    July 1st, 2008 at 5:42 pm

    Actually, I don’t really like celery. That, and coconut flesh (though I love coconut milk).

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13. Alejandro Leal Says:
    July 2nd, 2008 at 9:41 am

    Coconut flesh… bleh!

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