It was a condensed fantasy week, what with the All Star break and all, but the results had a big impact on our standings—and our rosters.

Sarah: My Somerville Green Sox whupped Coley’s Crunkball All Stars, 7-4, mostly thanks to the pitching categories. My hurlers were no great shakes, but Coley’s got shellacked. Anyway, as a result of the win, I jumped from 6th to 4th place in our league—despite falling from 17 games behind to 20. I’ll take it. Hot: Andy Pettitte, Ryan Braun, Troy Glaus, James Loney, Matt Kemp. Not: Ian Kinsler (that has to be a first), Jacoby Ellsbury (le sigh), Brian Wilson.

Coley: I did indeed get smoked this week. But let’s not dwell on the past. Let’s look ahead to the future, which is bright after I made yet another blockbuster trade, this time sending Josh Hamilton and Jered Weaver to Alejandro for Josh Beckett, Carlos Lee and Conor Jackson. I love this trade. I dealt Hamilton at his peak value, only a couple of days after his home run derby heroics. Weaver, meanwhile, offers more hype than hope and will struggle to reach 100 K’s this season. In return I get an RBI machine (Lee), an OBP machine (Jackson) and an ace pitcher (Beckett). But that’s not all. Losing Hamilton and inheriting Lee and Jackson left me with an excess of corner outfielders, but no center fielder. So I turned around and traded Brandon Philips for Alfonso Soriano, who comes off the DL this week. That left me with a vacancy at second base, so I shifted Chone Figgins from third base to second. Now I have a hole at third. I could pick up Scott Rolen or Hank Blalock off the scrap heap. But, more than likely, I’ll make yet another blockbuster trade. Stay tuned! Hot: Mark Teixeira. Not: all of my starting pitchers.

Paul: It’s not too uncommon for me to get stopped on the streets of Manhattan by fans. Oh, not fans of UmpBump. Just, fans of ME. And a lot of them have asked, “Paul, you have so many fantasy baseball skills. How do you not let that go to your head? How can you possibly remain so grounded and approachable?” And every time, I’ll answer honestly and gently from atop my diamond-encrusted, gold-plated throne made from the only known remnants of the Hanging Gardens of Babylon, telling them “I don’t know. I just don’t know”. And that humility isn’t going to change just because I won yet again this past week. Yes, Pirates in ’08 (Bryan) were vanquished 11-1. David Wright led the offense, followed closely by Marcus Thames, Adam Dunn, and Matt Holliday, as all four had two homers a piece in this break-shortened week. And the pitching side was strong as well, with Justin Duchscherer, Scott Baker, Cliff Lee, C.C. Sabathia, and Ted Lilly all pitching well during their starts. At this rate, my modesty is REALLY going to be tested very soon. In fact, I think I’ll have to become the man I was destined to be – the most modestest organism (living, dead, or imagined) ever to have walked, swam, breathed, skipped, or frolicked on this planet or any other. I have enough confidence in myself to do this (PS: I hate myself). Hot: David Wright, Adam Dunn, Marcus Thames, C.C. Sabathia, Scott Baker. Not: Hiroki Kuroda, Shane Victorino, Geovany Soto.

Alejandro: A short week with lots of surprises. I don’t think the narrow 6-5-1 victory is reflective of how my team will perform in the second half; however, I’m not standing pat. I traded for Josh Hamilton (even though I think i broke the bank: Carlos Lee and Conor Jackson) to amp my RBI production. I gave up Josh Beckett too simply because he has been getting tagged for too many runs, no matter how many K’s he collects (though I should’ve checked Jered Weaver’s ERA before hitting the accept trade button). WIll my quest to get better RBI production be shot by giving away two hot hitters for the league-leader in RBI’s? We shall find out. Hot: Carlos Delgado, Aaron Rowand, Conor Jackson, Manny Parra, Billy Wagner, Vicente Padilla (way to go kid). Not: Josh Beckett, Mike Pelfrey, Tim Lincecum.

Standings (games behind):

  1. Paul – ElDuquesInjuryReport ( – )
  2. Scott – Utley’s Firm Quads ( 11.5 )
  3. Alejandro – Center Field Stud ( 16 )
  4. Sarah – Somerville Green Sox ( 20.5 )
  5. Doug – Swamp Dragons ( 21.5 )
  6. Kirk – Montefusco’s Revenge ( 23 )
  7. Ania – Box89RowKKSeat14 ( 30 )
  8. Larry – croutchyoldman ( 35.5 )
  9. Bryan – Pirates in ‘08! ( 43.5 )
  10. Coley – Crunkball All-Stars ( 44.5 )
  11. Caitlin – caitlin grace ( 45 )
  12. Sooze – freebase my balls ( 51 )

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