The playoff picture is starting to form already in the UmpBump league, with seven teams vying for the six postseason births… And the only UmpBump writer currently out of the picture is Coley… But the huge deal he made with Alejandro this past week coupled with the return of Alfonso Soriano to his lineup could make the Crunkball All-Stars a juggernaut the rest of the way. So what happened this week? Read on!
Paul: As of last night, I was down 5-7 against the croutchy old man himself, aka croutchyoldman (Larry). This morning, I sat down at my computer and contemplated how I could frame my defeat in a positive light. “Think of the orphans”, I said to myself. “Don’t let them see you dejected. Don’t let them see you cry. It would frighten them. Because you know how incredibly scrunched up your face gets when you cry. You look like a shar-pei. It’s really quite ugly.” Determined to take defeat graciously, I checked the final numbers to write this post. Turns out that I won. Flipped the score 7-5 as I picked up 3 saves last night to take the category 6-5, and somehow also overtook him in K/BB ratio as well. I was pretty much dominated in the offensive categories, only taking OBP. But I also ended up sweeping the pitching categories. And now I can look those (imaginary) orphans in the face and tell them, “Look at me. This is how a man celebrates when he wins. He gloats uncontrollably, unnecessarily makes others feel badly, and comes out the other side a lesser being.” And that, my friends, is going to feel good. Hot: David Wright, Matt Holliday, C.C. Sabathia, Cliff Lee, Trevor Hoffman, Scott Kazmir, Shane Victorino. Not: Geovany Soto, Brian Roberts, Marcus Thames, Hiroki Kuroda, Justin Duchscherer.
Sarah: After getting off to a hot start earlier this week, my team cooled, so I have to content myself with a 5-5 tie against Scott’s team, Utley’s Firm Quads. And by “content myself” I mean “seethe inwardly.” And who do I blame? Why, the Yankees, of course. I was handily winning nearly all the pitching categories before Scott’s Joba Chamberlain shut out the Red Sox Friday night, but that, combined with a horrendous outing by my own Justin Verlander, tipped the pitching scale in his favor. Then the Yankees just had to beguile the poor Pittsburgh Pirates with their evil mind tricks, convincing them to give up both of their most coveted players in exchange for what amounted to New York’s spare parts. Of course, I owned both Damaso Marte and Xavier Nady. Since Marte won’t be closing for New York, he was now useless to me, and I and about 10,000 other Yahoo! fantasy owners dropped him. (I picked up Carlos Marmol in his place.) For his part, Nady was pulled after one inning of Thursday night’s game—of course, I’d already put him in my lineup—and is 0 for 7 with a caught stealing since joining the Yankees. The New York Yankees, ladies and gentlemen: screwing over both my real team AND my fantasy team in one weekend! Thank you, thank you very much. Hot: James Loney, Carlos Guillen, Ian Kinsler (who has now become a can’t-drop player!), Rickie Weeks (now that the Brewers have acquired Ray Durham), Ryan Braun, Matt Kemp. Not: Jacoby Ellsbury, Justin Verlander.
Alejandro: It’s been a week of moves at the Center Field Stud. I decided to pull off my second blockbuster, sending Hanley Ramirez to Crunkball All Stars (Coley) for a myriad of talent: Yunel Escobar, Carl Crawford, Todd Jones, and John Danks. Will the dearth of offensiveness that was Ramirez hurt the Stud? I doubt it, he was producing RBIs like a machine, but I now have the league leader in RBIs. Plus, Carl Crawford’s on the upswing and Yunel’s production can only help (however little it may be). I did shore up my bullpen by acquiring another closer plus a solid starter that can post a very low ERA. Something that had become an issue with my other rotation guys. At any rate, Carlos Delgado continues to be my hot pickup, posting a whopping 20 TB, collecting a massive 10 RBI and mashing 4 home runs. FIRST BASE STUD! Hot: A.J. Pierzynski, Carlos Delgado, Alexei Ramirez, Jermaine Dye, Magglio Ordóñez (boy glad he’s back), Hanley Ramirez (Adios Hanley), Tim Lincecum (no wins, but 13 Ks and a 2.57 ERA is hot), Mike Pelfrey (hot pickup). Not: Jon Garland, Vicente Padilla, Gavin Floyd, Chipper Jones, Alex Gordon, Aaron Rowand, Dan Uggla (let’s say lukewarm).
Coley: Did I give up too much to get Hanley Ramirez? Maybe, but I don’t think so. I gave up Carl Crawford’s 23 stolen bases, but I inherited Hanley’s 24. That’s a push. I gave up Crawford’s eight homers, but I inherited Ramirez’s 24. Advantage: Ramirez. I also gave up Yunel Escobar, who would have been relegated to bench duty with the addition of Ramirez. No big loss. I traded John Danks, who has decent numbers but doesn’t strike out many batters. Is Danks really that much better than Clayton Kershaw, who I picked up on waivers this morning? Is he better than Jered Weaver, who hit waivers yesterday? As for Todd Jones, he was one of five closers on my team, so I could afford to part with him. Unfortunately, despite all my wheeling and dealing, I still managed to lose 5-7 this week. It didn’t help that I was moving into a new house and forgot to set my lineup, thus missing out on a start from Josh Beckett. Maybe this just isn’t my year. Hot: Benjie Molina, Connor Jackson, Mark Teixeira, Rich Harden. Not: Jack Cust, Tim Wakefield, Garry Sheffield.
So the blockbuster trade did not translate to victory for Crunkball this week. But today begins another matchup! Stay tuned next week, same bat time, same bat channel, for more exciting adventures of the UmpBump fantasy baseball league! (Or not. It’s OK.)
Standings (games behind):
- Paul – ElDuquesInjuryReport ( – )
- Scott – Utley’s Firm Quads ( 12.5 )
- Alejandro – Center Field Stud ( 17 )
- Kirk – Montefusco’s Revenge ( 19 )
- Doug – Swamp Dragons ( 21.5 )
- Sarah – Somerville Green Sox ( 21.5 )
- Ania – Box89RowKKSeat14 ( 26 )
- Larry – croutchyoldman ( 37.5 )
- Bryan – Pirates in ‘08! ( 44.5 )
- Coley – Crunkball All-Stars ( 46.5 )
- Caitlin – caitlin grace ( 51 )
- Sooze – freebase my balls ( 57)