• HaroldHecuba: Mike Mussina is EASTERN EUROPEAN, not Italian....

It’s down to the wire in UmpBump’s fantasy league. Paul continues to run away with first place, but can Sarah and Alejandro hang on long enough to make the playoffs? And is there any hope for Coley’s team?

Sarah: This is one of those sad weeks where you’re happy just to escape with a 7-4 loss. My team had probably its worst week of the entire season. The really annoying thing is, I could have picked up at least one more category if I hadn’t spent most of yesterday in the car. Xavier Nady was on my bench, and ended up going 4 for 5 with 6 RBI, a homer, and 8 total bases. JD Drew was on my roster, but didn’t play. D’oh. On the bright side, I’m still hanging in there in the standings. Hot: Xavier Nady, JD Drew, Stephen Drew, David Murphy, Matt Kemp, Matt Cain, Carlos Marmol, Brian Wilson. Not: Cody Ross (who I dropped to take Roy Oswalt off the DL), Jacoby Ellsbury, Ian Kinsler, Andy Pettitte, Justin Verlander, Joel Zumaya.

Paul: If you have an offensive explosion but your opponent hasn’t been paying any attention for weeks, did it actually happen? I’m not much for rhetorical questions but I did find myself wondering how humiliating it would be if I had lost my match-up this week against caitlin grace, who I’m convinced hasn’t changed her lineup or roster since the Taft administration. Her team currently consists of six players who are on the DL but remain active on her team. And that doesn’t even include Franklin Morales, who’s currently in AAA but is sitting on this team’s bench anyway. Yet, she had me worried. Thanks to sparkling outings from Chris Young and Matt Garza on Caitlin’s side, and the Singaporean caning that Cliff Lee, Jered Weaver, Hiroki Kuroda and Scott Baker received for me this week, I was not exactly sitting pretty. But a good offense always beats good pitching. Or was it the other way around? Either way, these old axioms are stupid. My team slugged out 17 HRs, knocked in 48 RBIs, scored 48 runs, and had 151 TBs to win the week 8-4. Hot: Kevin Youkilis, Matt Holliday, and pretty much every hitter not named David Wright or Marcus Thames. Not: David Wright, Marcus Thames, and pitchers weighing under 300lbs (you done good, C.C.).

Coley: I think it’s getting close to time to throw in the towel. I love my team, but even when the Crunkball All-Stars play well, they still find ways to lose (Josh Beckett, what happened to you, bro?). There’s only one thing left to do – a team name change. It’s a desperate move, sure, but this is a pretty desperate situation. So, without further ado, let me introduce my new fantasy team: St. Jude’s Club – Jude being the patron saint of lost causes who is often pictured holding a club. Hot: Alfonso Soriano, Chone Figgins, Rich Harden. Not: Josh Beckett, CJ Wilson.

Alejandro: It never fails. Every year I make a flurry of blockbuster moves to solidify my position and boost my performance down the stretch, and it never works. The difference this year is that the Center Field Stud was actually moving up the standings in relentless fashion – until, of course, all the trades. Because of that, croutchyoldman handed me a whipping, spanking the Stud 11-1. My lone victory came in the form of saves. And really, I wasn’t even close in the other categories, the offense slumped, Josh Hamilton (the big RBI guy) only had 3 (three!!), Chipper Jones went back on the DL, Aaron Rowand is in a funk, and the rest are just average. And don’t get me started on the pitching; 6 out of the 8 active pitchers posted ERAs over 3.50, which is dreadful in fantasy baseball. Ugh. Hot: Tim Lincecum, Gavin Floyd, Alexei Ramirez, Josh Hamilton (sure, no RBI, but homeruns, TBs, Runs), Dan Uggla (HIS NAME IS DAAN UGGLA!). Not: Magglio Ordoñez, Aaron Rowand, Josh Fields, Manny Parra, Mike Pelfrey.

Standings (games behind):

  1. Paul – ElDuquesInjuryReport ( – )
  2. Scott – Utley’s Firm Quads ( 10 )
  3. Kirk – Montefusco’s Revenge ( 20.5 )
  4. Doug – Swamp Dragons ( 22 )
  5. Alejandro – Center Field Stud ( 24 )
  6. Sarah – Somerville Green Sox ( 25 )
  7. Ania – Box89RowKKSeat14 ( 28.5 )
  8. Larry – croutchyoldman ( 34.5 )
  9. Bryan – Pirates in ‘08! ( 45.5 )
  10. Coley – St. Jude’s Club ( 49.5 )
  11. Caitlin – caitlin grace ( 55 )
  12. Sooze – freebase my balls ( 63.5 )

12 Responses to “UmpBump’s Week 18 Fantasy Results”

  1. interesting column on Hamilton in the metro this week, Sarah. I liked that you brought a new angle to the whole drug addict story. I wasn’t expecting a jab at drug war idiocy. balls to you.

    think in the movie version, Cole Hauser will get to play him? (Benny from Dazed and Confused, also in Good Will Hunting- I would like to post a photo here but I can’t figure out how)

  2. Sarah Green says:

    Thanks, Lyndsay! I feel like it would have been more than a jab (at least, a more developed jab) if I had more than 475 words. But the sprawling New Yorker article version will just have to wait.

    For the movie version, if he weren’t already looking a little too old for this particular role, I would go with another Dazed and Confused alumnus: Matthew McConaughey. I feel like there is a strange resemblance there. And he seems to like to do these sports movies.

  3. Boston is hell on earth says:

    Nothing about Manny taking three against title town to spite the brass, Sarah your a fraud and a joke.

  4. Sarah Green says:

    Did New York become Titletown while I was away this weekend?

  5. Paul Moro says:

    I agree that Boston is hell on earth, or damn well near it. But his inability to distinguish between “your” and “you’re” embarrasses me as a New Yorker and makes me wish that this guy wasn’t one of us.

    Making enemies on both sides!

  6. Lyndsay says:

    I can’t take McConaughey seriously in that role though. I just keep picturing Wooderson strolling up to the plate, going “alright alright alriiiight…” he also gave too many damn motivational speeches in that Marshall movie for me to believe he could play a SERIOUS drug addict (as opposed to the chilled-out, happy drug addict he plays in his personal life).

  7. Maybe next year, you guys will get people that pay attention to their roster all year long.

  8. Sarah Green says:

    Yeah, I hope so Ken. I feel sad about Caitlin. She said she traded Nomar before her wedding!!!! And like a fool, I trusted her.

    Now I feel betrayed and alone.

    Also, I would really like some of her awesome players if she’s not going to play, since she had first pick in our draft. WTF, man.

  9. Kirk Miller says:

    Caitlin has not had any league activity since May 16th.

    BTW, Sooze, the freebase owner, has been dormant since July 6th.

    I barely go two hours without checking in on my teams. I…don’t…understand.

  10. Paul Moro says:

    Let’s face it. It doesn’t really matter how active anyone is. Because as the standings clearly show, this is my league. I own it. I own YOU.

  11. Here is what Sooze wrote on her Blog “Babes Love Baseball”…

    “Somewhere between packing up my crap, cleaning the old apartment and unpacking all my crap, I’ve found the time to join Patrick DiCaprio and Mike Podhorzer for The Fantasy Baseball Roundtable radio show this evening at 9pm ET.

    Anyone who knows me, knows I have no business on a fantasy baseball radio show this season. Freebase My Balls is consistently horrible. Consistent, though!”

  12. At least she’s honest. And since my team is in last place, I’m not going to throw any stones.

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