Time for another addition of fantasy fun. In this chapter, Paul returns from Japan, Sarah clinches a playoff birth, Alejandro squeaks by and Coley accepts his fate.

Sarah: The Somerville Green Sox clinched a playoff spot this week with a resounding 12-0 win over the long-dormant “caitlin grace” squad, who is apparently so lazy she cannot even capitalize her team name, much less be bothered to alter her roster–her active roster still includes Victor Martinez (DL), Khalil Greene (DL), Casey Kotchman (NA), Rafael Furcal (DL), Chris Young (DL), Dustin McGowan (DL), and Franklin Morales (NA). But hey, I ain’t complainin’. My team was smokin’ hot this week, racking up 7 saves, 117 total bases, 52 K’s, and so on. Plus my averages were pretty good too: .352 OBP, 2.51 ERA, 1.03 WHIP, 3.25 K/BB. The only scary moment came when Ian Kinsler flirted with season-ending surgery (he’s now set to return to the lineup sometime early in September). I’ve picked up Mike Aviles in the meantime. Hot: Everyone, but especially Vernon Wells. Not: No one. There were only people who were slightly less than totally scorching. It was that kind of week.

Coley: I know how my team is bad. I just can’t figure out why. Why was this the season when Aaron Harang went from reliable horse to hittable mule? Why did Josh Beckett and Carlos Lee have to get injured as soon as I traded for them? Why did Brett Myers and Oliver Perez start so terribly? And why does my team, which is probably the strongest team I’ve ever had on paper, continue to lose? How can a pitching staff with Beckett, Harden, Dice-K and a resurgent Myers be so bad? How can an offense led by Alfonso Soriano, Hanley Ramirez, Mark Teixeira, Connor Jackson and Vlad Guerrero be so meh? I will be forever haunted by this fantasy season. Hot: Bengie Molina, Mark Teixeira, Vlad Guerrero, Rich Harden, Brett Myers. Not: Brandon Lyon, Jason Giambi.

Paul: Be honored. I just got back to my apartment after being in Japan for the last week. And what do I do first? I come to my laptop and type up my (albeit belated) fantasy post. And while I do love my fantasy baseball, I have to admit that I paid no mind at all this past week since I just didn’t have the time to be changing lineups and checking results. And whenever I’m in Japan, my priority first and foremost is food. Lots and lots of food. Anyhow I just saw the results from this past week about ten minutes ago and I was pleasantly surprised that my team didn’t need any attention whatsoever, winning my week 11-1 against Ania and her team with the really long name. But it’s a bummer that both Justin Duchscherer and George Sherrill hit the DL without me knowing. Now I’ve gotta play some catch-up on the waiver wire. Word to your mutha. Hot: Brian Roberts, David Wright, Matt Holliday, Cliff Lee. Not: Kosuke Fukudome, Troy Tulowitzki, my team’s necessity for a manager that pays attention.

Alejandro: Another week, another narrow victory over one of the two cellar-dwelling teams in the UmpBump Fantasy League. Freebase my balls is second to last, and only because caitlin grace (what’s up with inproper capitalization guys?) doesn’t bother anymore. And still, my Center Field Stud barely wins 6-5. It was so bad, I lost in the Stolen Base category 2-1. The offense was there, especially now that I know Alexei Ramirez will win ROTY (yes, Paul, Longoria posted the numbers, but he’s hurt). I have a hole in left field since Carl Crawford went down, and Garret Anderson’s hit streak is useless in our league. A big shout out to Mike Pelfrey who pitched two consecutive complete games (even though the second one counts towards this week). Hot: A.J. Pierzynksi, Alexei Ramirez, Jermaine Dye (live and die by the White Sox, eh CF Stud?), Yunel Escobar, Tim “no contest” Lincecum, Manny Parra, Mike Pelfrey, Kerry Wood, B.J. Ryan. Not: Jon Garland, Vicente Padilla, Garret Anderson, Josh Hamilton, Magglio OrdoƱez.

5 Responses to “UmpBump’s Week 21 Fantasy Results”

  1. Coley: Not: Jason Giambi.

    dude, did you see the game last night? he’s growing back the lucky stashe!!! so there’s hope.

  2. Where there is stache, there is always hope.

  3. playoff “birth”?

    Now THAT’s planning ahead.

  4. hey, you never know – Sabathia is due to give birth to a litter sometime in the next two months.

  5. Sarah Green says:

    To be a Manny Ramirez-esque team player,I just have to say that Coley was the one who wrote that little graf up there about the playoff “birth.” I started the post but didn’t have time to finish it, so Coley helped me out. And yes, now I am throwing him under the bus.

    What have we really learned? That Coley has trouble with homonyms and that I am petty.

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