Chase Utley is many things. He’s hardworking, talented, professional, philanthropic, and kinda handsome, if you’re into the Pat Riley hairdo.

But above all else, he’s boring. I have a friend who used to work for the World Wide Leader who told me once that Utley was the worst interview she’s ever done.

Here’s how Jimmy Rollins explains Utley’s conversational style:

“[H]e talks and says what he has to say. But it’s all done in Chase-way. And we all understand it.”

Utley just isn’t much of a talker. And that’s what’s made this afternoon’s World Series Championship parade so surprising.

For the second time this year, Utley dropped the F-bomb.

From Philly.com:

“World champions. World (f-bomb) champions.”

Chase Utley is the quiet man no more.

And the crowd is stunned for about a millisecond, and then gives him the biggest cheer of all.

F-ing awesome.

Hat tip to The 700 Level.

Yesterday was the first day that those eligible for free agency this off season were able to file, and among the 65 players who did so was Oliver Perez. MetsBlog.com writes that Ollie will initially seek upwards of $50MM over five years, “while eventually settling on a three– or four-year deal later in the off-season”.

Perez has now logged just a shade under 1000 innings in his major league career that began in 2002 with the Padres. He rose to fame in 2004 as the 22-year old future lefty ace of the Pittsburgh Pirates, going 12-10, posting an ERA of 2.98 with 239 Ks over 196 innings. Four full seasons later, we’re still yet to see another year quite like that out of him. The popular opinion of Perez seems to be that he’s an erratic, yet at times dominant young pitcher with loads of potential that just hasn’t been tapped.

Over the past two plus years since he became a Met, I’ve cheered for Ollie. And quite frankly, I’m hoping that I won’t have to ever again. Why? Because he’s not good. He’s not good enough to warrant his reputation, and he’s certainly not good enough to receive such a large contract - even at three or four years.

It appears that there’s still a lot of people out there who think that Perez will be able to duplicate his 2004 season once again with the proper instruction. And it’s never going to happen. We have four full seasons worth of information to work with here that shows why.

For one, in that 2004 season, Ollie struck out an incredible 11.5 batters per nine innings. That’s impressive for a closer. For a starter who logged close to 200 innings, that’s incredible. But he followed that up with disastrous 2005 and 2006 as a Pirate, seeing his strikeouts per nine plummet to 7.9 and 6.5 respectively. And although he’s gotten those numbers back into “good” territory since he was traded in July of 2006 to New York, it’s still quite a ways away from 11.5. On top of that, Perez’ walks per nine innings haven’t been better than it was in ‘04 either, peaking (in a bad way) in 2005 with 5.7 free passes per game.

But that’s not all. The Hardball Times keeps a stat called FIP (Fielding Independent Pitching). In the simplest terms, FIP is what that particular pitcher’s ERA would be if the defense behind him was the same as that for every other pitcher. Taking it a step further, Hardball also uses something called xFIP (Expected Fielding Independent Pitching), which calculates what the FIP of each pitcher would be if his HR-allowed were more in line with his flyball rates (It’s generally believed that if a significant percentage of the flyballs given up by the pitcher are going over the fence, it’s either due to a small ballpark or just plain bad luck). For those of you who believe that this stuff is just fancy mumbo-jumbo, just know that it’s a very useful tool to be able to predict the future ERA of pitchers.

Anyhow, if you look at these stats for Oliver Perez (chart on right), you’ll notice something. Since 2005, Perez’ ERA has ranged widely from a low of 3.56 to a high of 6.63. What about FIP? It’s a much smaller range, from 4.36 to 6.19. And it’s even tighter for xFIP - 4.65 to 6.10.

So what does this tell us? For one, Oliver Perez is a below average starter whose ERA should be in the high-4s or even low 5s. And he’s not really that inconsistent on a year to year basis. Aside from that 2006 tenure with the Pirates (which lasted for 15 games), there are no real outliers. His xFIP has been predictable. What has varied is his level of luck and the quality of the defense that’s been behind him. Put an average defensive team behind Oliver Perez and all those guys he’s walking are going to score.

Sure, whereever Ollie ends up, he’ll probably still rack up the strikeouts. But he’ll also keep walking 4+ guys per game. And while he’s been able to keep his actual ERA well below the FIP and xFIP over the past two seasons, it’s a decent bet that this can’t continue. Yes, he’s still young as he won’t turn 27 until June. But we’ve seen him for almost 1000 innings now and he hasn’t changed.

Now do you want to spend $10MM a year on this guy?

Hat tip to The 700 Level and Deadspin.

Now that his divorce is final, it seems A-Rod is selling his apartment at 502 Park Avenue. Thank god Joe Buck didn’t hear about this last night and start talking about it on air, thus distracting America from the World Series and pissing off Peter Gammons.

How much is Rodriguez’s four-bedroom, 4600-square-foot, Upper East Side condo going for? The bargain price of $12.5 million!

Here’s more:

This expansive 4600 square foot apartment features 4 bedrooms, 6.5 baths plus a maid’s room. The living room, library/4th bedroom, and master bedroom suite all face south over sun-filled 59th street. Each room includes custom lighting, electronic shades, built in speakers, and central AC/heat which are all controlled with a Crestron touch pad. Entertain your guests in the living room with 10 foot ceilings, large picture windows and surround sound system or relax in the Great room which incorporates the original formal dining room and chef’s kitchen into one spectacular space.

Frankly, it’s not a bad place. Very understated and expensive, just like A-Rod. But if those beige walls could talk, I’m sure they’d have some great stories to tell about she-men and Cabala Kabbalah.

Forgive me if the answer to this question is completely obvious to you and makes me appear to be obtuse and uninformed for even asking this…

But why do so many people hate the Mets? It doesn’t appear to be just rival teams’ fans who feel this way and I’m curious as to why this is. Some examples:

1. Following their victory over the Mets in the 2006 NLCS, the Cardinals celebrate in their locker room by chanting “Jose, Jose, Jose” - the same chant heard at Shea Stadium cheering on Jose Reyes.
2. In late September while the Mets, Phillies and Brewers were battling it out for playoff berths, there were reports coming out of the Braves locker room that the Atlanta players were openly mocking and cheering against the Mets.
3. Prior to what turned out to be the final series of the 2008 season for both the Mets and Marlins, Florida’s first baseman (and former Met) Mike Jacobs said regarding how the Marlins had effectively played spolier in 2007: “It was pretty amazing going from how loud that stadium could be to you could hear a pin drop after that game was over. I remember hearing some of the guys saying they saw fans who were crying.”
4. Following the final game at Shea that saw the Marlins - for the second year in a row - eliminate the Mets from playoff contention, the Marlins celebrated on the field, lingering on the diamond for a much longer period of time than usual, prompting Mets fans to yell “Get off the field” for at least two minutes before they finally did.
5. During game 2 of the NLDS, the Phillies’ Shane Victorino hit a grand slam. While rounding first, Victorino raised one finger in the air in celebration. Which is all well and good, except for the fact that back in July, Jose Reyes had done the same thing against the Phillies. And they were pissed. Phillies’ radio personality Larry Anderson went so far as to say “somebody oughta put one in his neck” on air. Prior to the start of Game 3, Victorino walked into the Phils clubhouse to find that his name above his locker had been changed to “J. Reyes” in commemoration of his celebration style the night before.
6. Phillies GM Pat Gillick admits - NL East teams hate the Mets. “If you want to know the best thing we had going for us this year,” said Gillick, “it was the fact that all the other teams in our division hated the Mets’ guts. It started with Atlanta and all the hostility they had with the Mets through the years. Then Fredi Gonzalez left Bobby Cox to manage the Marlins and he didn’t forget everything that went on between the Braves and Mets. Look what Florida did for us the past two years (beating the Mets two out of the three in each of the last series of the season to prevent them from making the postseason)! Washington doesn’t like them very much either, and all those teams seemed to really get up for the Mets.”
7. And last night, as the Phillies were celebrating their first championship since 1980, Phillies’ broadcaster Harry Kalas screamed “See ya, New York!“, which sounds to me like a really odd thing to say. I mean, the Mets weren’t playing and haven’t been for the past month. What exactly did he mean by this?

I suppose I can understand that Reyes’ dancing in the dugout can seem excessive. But I don’t find it offensive. It’s not like the guy does it in front of the opposing teams’ dugout. He never points at players on the opposite side, he never looks at the pitcher following a homerun, and he doesn’t have a slow trot around the bases.

And the rest of the Mets players are… well, kinda dull. The two Carloses (Delgado and Beltran) are consummate professionals, David Wright is the golden boy who wouldn’t dare tick anyone off, Johan Santana is all business, and John Maine has no discernible personality. So please explain this to me.

P.S. To all the Red Sox fans I may have angered by my post last year on why everyone hates Curt Schilling, now is your chance for revenge.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t be in Philly last night for the big game. Couldn’t pound a Yuengling in the parking lot and then smash the bottle on the ground. Couldn’t help tip over a car. And I wasn’t the only one. Lots of Philly fans are spread out all over the world.

My friend Alicia, who is working for the Clinton Foundation in Cambodia this year, sent me this email this morning:

I found myself drinking the blood of snakes this afternoon, in honor
of the glory of the Phils.

I sat at a table on the Mekong River in Neak Loeung Operational
District, Prey Veng Province, alongside local and national health
administrators who don’t know ‘first base’ from ’short-stop’ from
‘home plate’, and announced our Great City’s Great Triumph.  Shortly
after the meal began, I excitedly proclaimed that “Today is a special
day for my people,” — this is how people talk here — and explained
that the World Series may not actually measure baseball greatness in
all the world, but its importance is of cosmic proportions to
Americans.  Well, it doesn’t take much to animate a Cambodian.  And I
guess wee needed SUMTHIN to cheer … the Phillies would have to do.
And ‘do’ they did.

We drank … and drank.  Round after round.  Fresh snake blood mixed
with a splash of Johnny Walker Black Label whiskey.  I got drunk on
the stuff, and on the hilarity of the scene.  Explaining baseball to
non-English speakers in broken Khmer and through a translator is a
lost cause: “Great American Past-time” doesn’t translate.

The head of the national HIV/AIDS program repeatedly
raised his glass to honor ‘my people’, I was thinking, “I’ll remember
this forever.”

Here’s to the Phils!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here’s to our people, wherever they may be!

Booo Rays!

Booo other teams!

Booo fans of other teams!

Booo states that are home to other teams!

Wait, does that mean boo Pennsylvania, because it’s also home to the Pirates?

Yes, boo Pennsylvania!

But only the western half!

Booo Raymond, the inferior mascot!

As a matter of fact, booo all mascots who aren’t the Phanatic!

Booo all beer that isn’t Yuengling!

Booo J.D. Drew!

Booo any girl who’s ever said ‘no’ to Pat Burrell!

Just kidding, that’s never happened!

Booo rain!

Booo championship droughts!

Booo vomiting in the huddle!

Boo stale cheesesteaks!

Booo 25 years of self-loathing and self-pity!

Yay Phillies!

Terrence Moore thinks baseball is getting its comeuppance. Greedy owners, he says, should have known better than to try and play baseball games in late October:

All baseball had to do was listen to Selig and do something such as go from 162 games to 154 in the regular season. Then the division series would begin no later than the last week of September instead of early October. Then you wouldn’t have what you have now: A World Series featuring television ratings dropping as fast as the temperature in Philadelphia.

How bad have the ratings been? Historically bad. It hasn’t helped that two of the three games played in Philadelphia have been interupted by bad weather.

Nor has it helped that both teams play on the east coast.

And it really hasn’t helped that the Rays’ fanbase all know each other on a first name basis.

Moore is right. Baseball needs to make its season shorter. That could mean playing fewer games. Or it could mean starting the season earlier (though the weather in March is just as cold as it is in October). Or it could mean playing more doubleheaders.

Something needs to be done.

For the owners, this craptacular World Series is justice. But for the fans (especially Philly fans) it’s just sad. Why are we being punished for the owners’ greediness? We deserve a World Series that isn’t tainted by long delays and crappy umpiring. Moreover, we deserve a World Series where people are watching! This is our big moment! We’ve been waiting 28 years for this! Pay attention!

A few questions:

1. Who will pitch when the game resumes? Do both teams turn to their bullpens? Or do they simply go with Brett Myers and James Shields, the next starters in line?

2. If the series goes to seven games, will Cole Hamels be available to pitch game seven? He might, especially if the two teams aren’t able to resume Game 5 until Wednesday.

3. Is Philadelphia’s championship drought more than just bad luck? Is there a higher power at work here? And, if so, is that higher power pissed because we cracked the Liberty Bell? Or because we’ve been using crappy cheese on our steak sandwiches for all these years? Or because Patti LaBelle took a few liberties with the national anthem on Sunday night?