TBS is showing a re-run of the Steve Harvey Show. I don’t even know what that is. My boyfriend had to spell it for me.
WHERE IS MY BASEBALL? WHERE IS MY BECKETT? WHERE IS TROPICANA FIELD?
Right about now, those mowhawked, blue-haired, cowbell-ringin’ Rays fans are standing and screaming, “NOT IN OUR HOUSE, MUTHAF*CKAS!”
Right about now, the Red Sox are slappin’ some extra pine tar on their helmets and spittin’ their chaw on the dugout steps.
But I am watching a man with a mustache crack jokes to a laugh track due to “technical difficulties.”
“Please stand by,” they’re telling me. And I’m telling them, “THERE’S ONLY ONE OCTOBER, A**HOLES!”