Yesterday at UmpBump HQ we were talking about baseball (quelle surprise)…and about official team flasks…and before we knew it, we were making up our own drinking game. I hope you guys like it as much as we do. And if you read UmpBump at work? Well…don’t let that stop you from giving it a spin. (It is Friday.)

Every time Paul uses the words “insufficient sample size,” take a drink.

Every time Sarah mentions Jason Varitek’s game-calling skills, take a drink.

Every time Alejandro lambasts “MLB new media goons,” take a drink.

Every time Nick rips Ned Colletti, take one very small drink. (We don’t want you to end up in the hospital.)

Every time Coley finds an excuse to post the Pat Burrell shirtless photo, take a drink.

Every time Sarah finds an excuse to post any photos of Gabe Kapler, take a drink.

Every time Derek Jeter is ripped on UmpBump, drink one wine cooler.

Every time Furman Bisher despairs over how statistics and minorities are ruining baseball, take a drink (but make sure it’s not an import). If you think “Furman Bisher” sounds like a fake Yahoo! chatroom name, drink the rest of the beer.

Every time Murray Chass rips bloggers, blogging, the Internet, Al Gore, Bill Gates, or ENIAC, take a drink of water. Now you can keep playing without having to worry about the hangover.

Every time the BBWAA admits a woman, drink a whole beer.

Every time the BBWAA admits someone who has ever used BABIP, shotgun the beer.

Every time a commenter on Deadspin claims a gorgeous woman is a butterface, smash a beer can to your forehead to demonstrate how cool you are.

Every time Dan Shaughnessy pisses off Curt Schilling, throw your beer in someone’s face. If “CHB” means anything to you, take the empty can and crush it against their forehead.

Readers, we at UmpBump want to keep drinking. Please leave us more rules in the comments!

9 Responses to “The Official UmpBump Baseball Media Drinking Game”

  1. How about – every time someone from invents a stat, then names it after themselves – shotgun a magnum of Colt 45?

  2. can I be involved in this?

    also – threadjack: question for Sarah: what do you think the Sox are doing with Kevin Cash right now? they just signed Bard, so does this mean Cash Money’s gotta look elsewhere?

  3. is this only for the “hot stove” season? does this apply to the actual games as well? because I vote we drink every time Matt Garza spits – see who passes out first.

    also drink every time Youkilis leaves the plate angry.

  4. Coley Ward says:

    Every time Sarah says “I hate Julio Lugo” take a drink.

  5. Sarah Green says:

    Every time Lyndsay finds a way to bring Dennis Eckersley into the conversation, go pour yourself a glass of Canadian Club Whiskey. (Damn right your dad drank it.)

    Cash signed with the Yanks, Lyndsay! It was over the holidays when no one would notice.

  6. Kirk Miller says:

    Every time the Giants hit a HR…oh wait, perhaps that should be every time the Giants don’t hit a HR drink an Anchor Steam.

  7. every time Jim Rice makes some passive-aggressive swipe at another player because he’d bitter at being passed up for the Hall of — oh wait! now that he IS in the HOF, any takers on whether he’ll still be bitter and paying players backhanded compliments?

  8. how could I NOT mention Dennis “keepin the 80s alive” Eckersley? he can’t really manage to finish a complete though before jumping to the next one, but hey, I still love the man, his mustache, and his feathered hair for being all “fuck you, I’m stayin’ in ’85 forever!:

  9. 1) Every time Ivan Rodriguez crosses himself take a very wee dram (given he does it before every pitch)

    2) Finish the rest of your drink evertime Jose Reyes claps his hands together (again, the could happen lots so beware!)

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