Braves Sign Derek Lowe: Makes a Met Fan Cry

NOTE: The following post was not written by a rational human being. Instead, it was written by a Met fan. If you notice any vast gaps in logic, this fan refuses to take any responsibility whatsoever. In fact, reading this post may make you dumber. You’ve been warned.

So Derek Lowe is heading down south to Atlanta, Georgia. Just a week or so ago, it appeared that he would be headed to Queens as the #2 starter in the Mets rotation. Then, the Braves got stupid.

No, I wouldn’t have given Smoltz a large contract either if I were the Braves. But after spinning the Rafael-Furcal-did-he-or-didn’t-he AND the Smoltz debacle until they got way too dizzy to think straight, the front office decided that it would be a great idea to spend $60 million on a 35-year old pitcher who can take them over the .500 mark. Awesome.

As they are currently constructed, the Braves are not very good. They won 72 games in 2008 (though their Pythag was of a 79-win team). Even after adding Javy Vazquez, Kenshin Kawakami and now Lowe, it’s still not enough to make them contenders in 2009.The gap between where they ended up in 2008 and where they need to be to justify all this money spent is too wide.

Yes, teams have made huge leaps in standings before – but the majority of these teams have done so because their young players improved simultaneously (ala Tampa) or their division is weak. Neither is true in this case.

Remember, the Braves offense had Mark Teixeira for most of last year. His production cannot be replaced by a full season of Casey Kotchman, who I assume will be better than he was during his Atlanta stint in 2008, but still  can’t be expected to post average numbers for a first baseman.

They should get good production out of Kelly Johnson and Yunel Escobar, but whiny Larry Jones’s health is always going to be a crapshoot.

And while I love Brian McCann, as of this moment, their OF consists of Brandon Jones/Gregor Blanco, Josh Anderson, and Jeff Francoeur.  That’s pretty horrendous. So really, the Braves offense is praying that Larry won’t have a long-overdue Hooters-related injury.

On top of it all, the Braves will be without Tim Hudson for the majority of the season. This doesn’t sound like a team that’s good enough to overtake the Phillies or the Mets.

So this signing really annoys the hell out of me. Why? Not because I’m concerned that the Braves are now better than my Mets. No. I’m annoyed because the Braves’ idiocy means that the Mets are stuck trying to go after Oliver Perez, who will now most likely be asking for a four-year deal.

I’ve made my opinions known about Ollie already. His numbers aren’t anything that can’t be replaced by cheaper options and his walk totals are always going to haunt him. I really don’t want to have to cheer for him again. And yet, he’s now the best option left on the free agent market (though I think Ben Sheets is more talented). All this because the Braves panicked.

WHY MUST YOU SCREW ME EVEN IN MEDIOCRITY, ATLANTA? WHY? WHY CAN’T I EVER WIN WITH YOU?