I was at Citi Field, at the second of two Red Sox-Mets exhibition games, just exploring the stadium a bit, when I happened to wander past a gift shop. For some reason, it caught my eye. I felt drawn to it. I moved in closer:

What at first was a faint sense of “Hmm, this rings a bell” instantly became a loud, insistant, jangling bell, like one of those old-fashioned alarm clocks. Wait! Was it? Could it be? It was!

Somewhere, a woman screamed.

I think it was me.

The store’s mysterious, overpowering magnetism drew me in. I think I may have shoved aside a small child and an elderly gentleman. “Welcome to the Touch boutique, Laaadies!” sang a voice as we passed. I didn’t look to see who was doing the greeting. My eyes were fixed, unblinking, on this:

Another woman grabbed one of these shirts from the rack – the undershirt appears to be sewn into it – even as my gaze flickered down to the stitching on the pockets. Yes, they are $85 Mets jeans.

Easily half the people in the store were security. There was a security guard standing by the exit, asking to see people’s receipts. There were another couple guards wandering around through the “boutique” – no easy feat considering the diminutive square footage:

And yet – denim and elaborately-embroidered tank tops aside – Ms. Milano seems to have improved substantially over her early kimono-esque prototypes. Behold the following sweatshirt-type item, which I would not have to have reconstructive facial surgery before wearing in public:

Totally not heinous, right?

But just when I thought it was safe to get closer…..

I like femininity, even girliness. Hey, I’m pretty girly myself. But I cannot and will not wear clothing that has an embarassingly earnest poem (what else would you call it?) where “machine wash warm, tumble-dry low” should be.


9 Responses to “Citi Field: Alyssa Milano’s “Touch” Boutique”

  1. The sign makes it look like they are trying to market some sort of feminine hygiene product. Glad that you went in for research purposes. Thank goodness you made it out alive, that stuff just looks creepy.

  2. Mets Girl says:

    As a Mets fan with season tickets, I am thrilled about this store being at citi field. It may not be your cup of tea but the fact that the Mets are catering to the female fan with this shop, is awesome IMO.

  3. The Mets are committed to giving their female fans every opportunity to spend $90 on jeans.

  4. Sarah Green says:

    I’m of two minds about this whole line. On the one hand, I have never exactly warmed to Alyssa Milano – maybe it was watching Poison Ivy II at a young age. Also, I hate the name: “Touch.” Melissa has nailed it precisely: it sounds like a brand of tampon. And I hate the name even more now that it is associated with a weirdo poem-thingy that goes on the clothes right above “Made in China” and “80% Cotton, 20% Polyester.” And the weird purple swirly walls made me feel like I was about 15 years older than the target demo (and let’s face it, I probably am).

    On the OTHER hand…I strongly believe that female fans need better team merch. I’m through with trying to find the shirt I want in a man’s size small, or a youth large. I am through with my only options for female-specific clothing being a pink hat.

    For this reason, I have sent a not inconsiderable portion of my paycheck to theredseat.com, which makes fun Red Sox apparel. Anyone have any other recommendations?

  5. Sarah Green says:

    I think Paul, as a male Mets fan, needs to weigh in. If he saw a female wearing the Mets jeans, would he approach? Flee? Burst into tears?

  6. Paul Moro says:

    Sarah, a girl wearing Mets paraphernalia does not impress me. In fact, for some bizarre reason, I consider this a negative for guys or girls. I really don’t wear Mets gear at all. However, if said girl is carrying a copy of the “Fielding Bible”, I would be intrigued. Kind of like in Wayne’s World 2 when Garth only become interested in Olivia D’Abo’s character when he notices that she’s carrying a UNIX book.

  7. Lyndsay says:

    “Touch”? I’m not sure I want to “touch” anyone that has “touched” a professional baseball player in an intimate way – let alone 3 or 4 of them!

  8. At first I thought it might be a memorabilia store, featuring items from players that were actually touched by Alyssa. I think limiting her to 3 or 4 baseball players is being generous, Lyndsay. There were a few hockey players thrown in the mix as well.

  9. I’m gonna protest this store. BRING US DANZA! WE WANT DANZA!

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