Bombshell
Manny Ramirez
Suspended fifty games – wow.
Better start tweeting.
Agent’s Two-Step
“Blame it on the meds
From that doctor,” says Boras.
“That always fools ‘em.”
Torre’s Lament
Hitting three-fifty
OBP-ing five hundred.
Get me Juan Pierre.
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Hot Tickets! |
November 8, 2009 - 12:25 pm
Here we go again. Time for another edition of our semi-annual “What They Need” series, where we play GM for all 30 teams. As usual, we’ll be suggesting subtle tweaks for some squads, and major overhalls for others. There’s already movement going on in the Hot Stove front, so there’s no time to waste!
Here’s a [...]
September 3, 2009 - 11:20 am
The 2003 Los Angeles Dodgers had one of the greatest pitching staffs the game of baseball has ever known. At the height of the steroids era, in a season when 104 players would test positive for performance enhancing drugs, the Dodgers hurlers posted a 3.16 ERA, good enough for an insane 128 team ERA+, and [...]
August 31, 2009 - 11:19 am
Okay, so at a time when most people are debating whether or not the Washington Nationals can even break .500 next season, this is going to sound more than a little crazy, but I think the Nats have an outside chance at contending next season.
I’m not saying it’s going to happen, but I am saying [...]
June 29, 2009 - 9:30 pm
We here at Umpbump have done quite a few all-time teams. We’ve also cataloged quite a series of Hot Baseball Wives. In this post, I will attempt the acrobatic feat of bridging the twain. Yes, reader: The All-Hot Team.
For reasons of attention span, or specifically, the lack of it, I am focusing on current major [...]
May 7th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
I want to know what that knuklehead, Nick Kapur, thinks about Jim Rices’ take on Manny Now! Turns out he’s not bitter at all, just a good judge of character. What’s wrong with calling a spade a spade? I wouldn’t want my son to see the way that dirtbag Manny plays the game either. Get your head out of the sand Nick.
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May 7th, 2009 at 1:23 pm
Hey Sam, this isn’t the “slam on Nick Kapur” thread. This is the “Manny Haiku” thread. At least make your ad hominem attack into haiku form.
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May 7th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
For nearly two months
Mannywood is in stasis
Does he still get comps?
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May 7th, 2009 at 1:49 pm
The crack of the bat;
a vernal slugger becomes
the summer slug.
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May 7th, 2009 at 1:57 pm
One of the most widely misused terms on the Net is “ad hominem”. It is most often introduced into a discussion by certain delicate types, delicate of personality and mind, whenever their opponents resort to a bit of sarcasm. As soon as the suspicion of an insult appears, they summon the angels of ad hominem to smite down their foes, before ascending to argument heaven in a blaze of sanctimonious glory. They may not have much up top, but by God, they don’t need it when they’ve got ad hominem on their side. It’s the secret weapon that delivers them from any argument unscathed.
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May 7th, 2009 at 2:36 pm
You’re… Kind of a jerk, aren’t you, Sam?
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May 7th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
He leaves mean comments
Maybe Sam is angry ’cause
he can’t do haiku
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May 7th, 2009 at 2:51 pm
What is wrong with my haiku format?
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May 7th, 2009 at 3:04 pm
The last line has four
Syllables. I believe that
Five are required.
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May 7th, 2009 at 3:29 pm
Touché Sarah
Don’t need a doctor,
apologists aplenty;
Manny history
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May 7th, 2009 at 3:31 pm
As far as being a jerk. Thick skin is my favorite personality trait.
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May 7th, 2009 at 8:04 pm
A little blue pill
Is that what he was taking?
Giants fans are happy
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May 7th, 2009 at 8:49 pm
I would like to offer a slightly modified version of my last year’s “Manny haiku” submission, which was composed just after watching one of Manny’s awful final appearances as a member of the Red Sox, when he struck out looking on three pitches.
We watched him look
and look and look
Oh Manny!
Next year in LA?
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May 7th, 2009 at 9:01 pm
Gonadotropin
Is for infertile ladies
Not baseball players.
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May 8th, 2009 at 1:35 am
Manny has bitch tits
His name was Robert Paulson
shoulda bought fake pee.
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May 8th, 2009 at 1:39 am
Maybe Manny was
trying to have a baby
with Xavier Paul?
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May 8th, 2009 at 8:48 am
Meanwhile, Sox fans fret
Their World Series MVP
Is discredited
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May 11th, 2009 at 2:09 am
um not really Paul
world series are team efforts
not just one guy on ‘roids
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May 11th, 2009 at 2:10 am
whoops! last line should have been
“not one guy on roids”
I miscounted the syllables.
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