What’s in a name? Well, it’s probably the personality traits of your parents. If you’re named John, your parents are boring as hell. If your name is Chastity, your parents had incredibly unfair expectations of you. If you’re named Blanket, your dad is a freak. And if you choose to shorten your name to “B.J.”, then your parents must be evil incarnate to give you a name so horrifying that you’d rather be referred to as “B.J”.

Anyhow, I recently combed through a partial list of actual current baseball players (MLB and minor leagues) and compiled a list of my favorite names for your viewing pleasure. And please add more to the comments section. I never tire of this stuff. And yes, I promise that these are actual, current players . Look them up.

Names that sound like characters in Anchorman:

Buck Coats
Brock Bonds
Chip Cannon
Rex Rundgren
Blake Hawksworth
Jeff Manship
Burke Badenhop
Ronnie Prettyman

Names that sound vaguely racist:

Bradley Coon
Tike Redman
Gookie Dawkins
Jemel Spearman
Kasey Kiker

Names that remind you of celebrities:

Corey Hart
Kevin Smith
Ray Liotta
Dan Cortes
Jason Jones
Steven Wright
Chris Farley

Names that kinda make me uncomfortable:

Brian Bocock
Dirk Hayhurst
R.A. Dickey
Brett Butts
Eddie Kunz
Rocky Roquet
Abe Woody
Billy Spottiswood

Names that just belong together:

Matt Buschman and Bud Norris. I want a player named Bud Buschmann. I’d bet he’d drink PBR.
Tobi Stoner, Michael Dubee, and Brian Joynt.

Name that will force PETA to boycott MLB

J.J. Furmaniak

Name that I wish I had:

Rowdy Hardy

10 Responses to “Fun With Baseball Names!”

  1. How about the retired Rusty Kuntz?

  2. Dick Pole
    Alkaline (Al Kaline)
    Angel Pagan

  3. kennyrogers says:

    Aw, that was hilarious, Paul! Al Kaline played when I was a kid. He just kept going, and going, and going….
    I read a good name the other day, the Red’s “Ernestario Rosario”. He reminded me of Roseanne Rosannadanna from Saturday Night Live,lol!

  4. Paul Moro says:

    Sergio, if we included retired players, this game would never end.

    Are no, you’re right about Pagan as he’s been a favorite since a few years back. Dunno how I forgot about him for this…

    Gambler, thanks, man. But I can’t find an Ernestario Rosario among current or former players. Where did you see this?

  5. Boof Bonser:
    legally changed his name from John to Boof…guess he didn’t picture himself as the incredibly boring type.

  6. “Names that remind you of celebrities”

    No mention of Evan Longoria? Really?

  7. Paul Moro says:

    Peter, you are mistaken. Eva Longoria reminds you of Evan Longoria. Not the other way around.

  8. Lyndsay says:

    Laaaaance Broooooadwayyyyy!!!


  9. Lyndsay says:

    I always thought Chili Davis was quite possibly the most awesome name ever.

  10. Lyndsay says:

    I find Saltalamacchia to be the most fun name to say ever. It took me awhile to get the pronunciation right.

    Saltalamacchia. Saltalamacchia. Challenge a sportscaster to say it the correctly every time.

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