• HaroldHecuba: Mike Mussina is EASTERN EUROPEAN, not Italian....

One of the guys in my fantasy league, Ben, has kind of a big mouth (and, I was reminded during a recent visit, unnaturally stinky farts). Last spring, at our urging, he posted a handful of predictions on the league bulletin board. Here are some highlights:

  • Soriano will post better numbers than…..Braun, Markakis, and Berkman.
  • K-rod won’t lead the NL in saves….in fact it won’t be close. Brad Lidge will.
  • Mike Lowell will go for 20, 95, and .295 AT THE MINIMUM.

Ben ends his Amazing Kreskin impression with one last prediction: “no one else in this league will have enough balls — unlike me — to make any predictions. Why? Penis, size, gentlemen…..penis size.”

He was right about that last one. Last year, I didn’t make any predictions because, as Ben proved so well, it’s a fool’s errand.

But this morning I’m feeling saucy (and I really don’t want to go to work), so without further ado, here are 9 predictions for the 2010 season.

  • Justin Verlander will win the AL Cy Young. Verlander experienced an unusually (for him) high BABIP last season, and still posted elite numbers. With a little more luck in 2010, he could be the league’s best pitcher.
  • Travis Snider will be 2010′s Adam Lind. After all, wasn’t Snider supposed to be the superior prospect? He struggled in 2009 in only 240 big league at bats, but mashed .337/.431/.663 in three months of triple-A ball after that. He’s still only 22 and he’ll get a chance to prove himself in 2010.
  • The Rays will win the AL East. Unlike the Yankees and Red Sox, the Rays are chock full of young players entering their primes. I’m expecting big things from Garza, Shields, Upton, Longoria and Zobrist.
  • The Pirates will finish with a losing record again this season. I know, not a huge stretch. But look out for the Bucs in 2011!
  • The Yankees will miss the playoffs. Injuries to Jeter and others will derail last season’s World Series champs.
  • Travis Hafner will return to all-star form. Proving once and for all, you can’t keep a good Pronk down.
  • Billy Beane will quit his job as GM of the A’s. He’s gotta be getting tired of running a team nobody wants to play for. Beane could land a job with another team in a heartbeat, or he could try his hand at something new.
  • Mark McGwire will get 40% support in the next round of HOF voting. BBWAA members who said they’d vote for Big Mac if only he’d come clean will keep their word.
  • Chase Utley will win the NL MVP. Then the Eagles will sign him to play quarterback.

4 Responses to “9 predictions that are guaranteed to look bad in September”

  1. mark mckeen says:

    Agreed with most all of your predictions.
    Just thought I’d add a couple of my own.

    White Sox win AL Central with surprising ease over Twins, leaving Mauer wondering what the heck he was thinking signing before the season with Twins.

    Giant’s surprise in the NL West and eek out a division title over the Rockies..Dodgers finish under .500.

    Phil’s beat Rays in the WS..continuing their NL domination on their way to becoming the Yankees of the 21st Century.

  2. I doubt the Phillies become the Yankees of the 21st century considering they have several key players either close to or over thirty and most of them have contracts that are going to make improving the team from any way other than within difficult to do.

    Plus they’ll lose Werth next year when my Braves sign him. :)

  3. If the Braves sign Werth I will die a little inside. Fortunately, I don’t think that’s very likely.

  4. I don’t think it will happen either, but he’s a player that I respect greatly and I’d love to have on my team. He’s probably my favorite non-Braves player.

    Man’s gotta dream, right?

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