The Yankees are World Champions again, but it’s not the same this time. Evil Empire? I wish; at least “evil” is interesting.

Instead, what we have is the rise of the boring over the bad. Somehow, Yankeefication has become synonymous with boringification. Johnny Damon: went to the Yankees, became boring. Mark Teixeira: is boring, and thus is perfectly suited for the Yankees. Joba Chamberlain: has a mother who dealt meth. Yet somehow is boring anyway.

Even Alex Rodriguez is boring. You’d think a top slugger who dates starlets could at least manage to be mildly intriguing. And yet Kate Hudson was pretty boring to start with, and is now made even more boring by her association with A-Rod. The news that A-Rod has not one, but two, portraits of himself as a centaur? That should be, if not actually interesting, then perhaps titillating. (If you snoozed through Mythology 101, a centaur is a mythical beast that is half horse, half douchebag.) But it’s completely boring.

The Yankees aren’t even interesting in New York, where the Mets seem to have a lock on mental stimulation. The Mets may have failed spectacularly this year, but at least they failed in a way that engaged the frontal lobe. Sure, the Yankees won the World Series, but they won it dully: They essentially just scored a lot of runs. And yet, not enough runs so as to actually be remarkable.

And in fact, that’s in line with their one-note “strategy” for success over the 2009 regular season: just score a lot of runs. In the middle of the pack in pitching, defense, and baserunning, the Yankees ranked first in MLB in both on-base percentage and slugging percentage. And as the only team in MLB to score more than 900 runs this season, their games were interminably long even before Jorge Posada started making 4 trips to the mound per at-bat.

Most mind-numbing of all is the debate we’re sure to be inflicted with, post-Series, about the payroll disparity between the Yankees and the Rest. Yes, it’s pretty wearisome when a team wins just by buying the best talent available. But it will be even more tedious to rehash the same tired arguments about salary caps and payroll limits.

What would save the Yankees — and the free, baseball-loving world — from this state of ennui? A better Red Sox team in 2010. Let’s face it: the Yankees only manage to be exciting when they have a worthy foe.

Let’s hope that Theo pulls out all the stops to give the Boring Bombers a run for their (oodles and oodles of) money. Because right now, even hating the Yankees is boring.

Last week, I wrote this somewhat silly Metro column about why Red Sox fans should root for the Phillies. I was being glib and slightly facetious. But tonight, I really do think that everyone in their right mind should be rooting for the Phillies — specifically, for Pedro Martinez.

There’s nothing like a good sports redemption story, and Pedro’s tale has all the ingredients. He has crazy hair, says crazy things, has a crazy secret love child. He is winless in his last 5 playoff starts at Yankee Stadium, dating back to 2003. He once admitted that the Yankees were his “daddy.” And he’s also one of the best pitchers of all time. (Remember that time back in 2000 when he posted an ERA+ of 291?!? Well, I do.)

And yet despite his sustained dominance — three Cy Youngs, eight All-Star picks, nine seasons with 200+ strikeouts including two seasons with 300+ strikeouts — he always retains the flavor of the underdog. Maybe it’s his diminutive size. Maybe it’s the arm-hanging-by-a-thread thing that’s made it seem for 10 years like every great game might be his last. Maybe it’s because he’s come thisclose to an MVP (in 1999, denied by voters who didn’t think a pitcher should win), thisclose to a perfect game (in 1995, when, after retiring 27 batters, the game was still scoreless) and now, just maybe, thisclose to being the only pitcher to win a Cy Young and a World Series ring in both leagues. Or maybe it’s because we remember that he was just the younger, smaller brother from a poor town in the Dominican; the one who might, with luck, one day be nearly as good as Ramon.

“I’m someone who wasn’t meant to be,” he said, “And here I am on the big stage.”

Here’s hoping he gets to take a well-deserved curtain call.

Last night’s World Series contest between the Phillies and the Yankees featured five solo home runs — one apiece from Hideki Matsui, Nick Swisher, and Carlos Ruiz, and two for Jason Werth.

Is there anything in baseball more boring than a solo home run? I mean, sure, it can be pretty darn interesting in the right context, like if it’s a walk-off solo home run or something. Or if it kills a seagull mid-air. But to me, a game with five solo homers tells you a) that the pitchers are throwing strikes and generally keeping runners off the bases and b) that they’re still not really pitching well enough to make the game interesting as a pitchers duel. For these reasons, I consider that a game with five solo shots has to be one of the most boringest kinds of games to watch.

Unless you were a Yankee fan, the most interesting parts of last night’s game were a) the appeal on A-Rod’s homer in the 4th (a two-run homer, let’s note) and when Jimmy Rollins tore up the basepaths in the 2nd, stealing second off of Andy Pettitte and swiping third (he then had to go back to second after Chase Utley fouled off the pitch). That’s about it.

Yes, the game was close enough to maintain suspense until the late innings. But I hope that tonight’s game offers something a little more interesting than the sight of one ballplayer trotting around the bases…five different times.

It’s the post-postseason here in Boston, and Sox fans have been ruminating on what the team should do to produce a better outcome next year. And yet we haven’t heard too many actual, you know, ideas on how to make that happen. It’s just, um, like, try harder, I guess?

But I have two ideas, just for starters:

1. Sign Matt Holliday instead of Jason Bay. Both LFers will be expensive, so the Red Sox should pick the slightly younger one with more defensive ability. Boston can afford Holliday, and anyway, Papi and Lowell will both come off the books after 2010. Before you wave the “but he sucked in the AL!” bloody shirt at me, recall that Holliday’s “shitty” OBP with Oakland was .378 — 8 points better than Bay’s first half-season in the AL. And while his power numbers were down, Oakland is definitely on the pitcher’s park side of things. He wouldn’t have that problem in Fenway.

2. Shop Jonathan Papelbon. The Red Sox need some youth, and their best prospects are all 2-3 years out. They also need infield help. It could be the ideal time to shop Pap, who won’t stay with the Red Sox once he becomes a free agent after the 2011 season anyway. (Plus, his periphs alarm me.)

What are your thoughts, Umpbumpers? Is this crazy-talk? Are there other moves you think Boston should make?

This WAR pie struck me as by turns satisfying and shocking. First, satisfying because it reveals the contributions of Jon Lester — who, earlier this season, was subjected to an embarrassing debate amongst fans over whether he was even a decent No. 3. But even so, it may be a shocking pill to swallow for Sox fans that Lester has contributed more to the team’s performance than Josh Beckett.

That big slices of pie have been gobbled up by Beckett, Kevin Youkilis, and Dustin Pedroia will not surprise observers of the team. But seeing JD Drew so high will come as a surprise to many, I fear; his playing seems to have been very underrated by Red Sox fans.

What shocks me, however, is seeing Brad Penny right behind Tim Wakefield. This is the guy Boston just released? For nothing in return? Oof. And Mike Lowell’s recent hot streak had left me assuming he’d take up more of the pie; same for Jason Bay. But their defense has eroded so much that they give up almost as many runs with their gloves as the produce with their bats. (Much to the chagrin of the aforementioned Mr. Penny.)

What should not come as a surprise, from the nice distribution of position players and pitchers above, is the even split between Boston’s hurlers and hitters in their overall pie:

Clearly, Boston can kill you on both sides of the ball. So why are they stuck 6 games behind New York and clinging to a tenuous Wild Card lead? I blame that crappy, crappy defense. Oh well.

So the rending of garments, tearing of hair, beating of breasts etc has been in full swing in Boston today after last night’s 8-4 loss to the New York Yankees. It’s August and the Red Sox are 7.5 games out of first, and just barely clinging to a tenuous lead in the Wild Card race. Plus the two teams nipping at their heels — Tampa Bay and Texas — seem to be playing with newfound second-half vigor, whereas in Boston it feels like our local nine are staggering to the finish line with all the enthusiasm and verve of the Bataan Death Marchers.

The headlines today proclaim that Josh Beckett was “hammered,” “battered,” “knocked around,” etc. And true, he did give up 5 dingers. But — and this may sound slightly crazy, I know — I really don’t think he pitched that badly. After all, he gave up only 9 hits in 8 innings of work. He struck out 5, while walking 0. And, given the way the Red Sox were scoring runs this weekend, somehow the 4-run deficit never felt insurmountable. And indeed, it’s not as if Beckett labored through the outing — he threw 120 pitches, which is high, but not as high as you would have thought it would be if you’d known he was going to work 8 innings and allow 8 runs to score.

Suffice it to say, it was a curious outing. And I’m curious to know if I sound totally-nuts-suffering-from-Stockholm-Syndrome, or refreshingly sane amidst a sea of Sox fan sturm und drang.

It’s been a wild few weeks in Boston Red Sox-land, with Boston axing Mark Kotsay and his beautiful wife Jamie in favor of Adam LaRoche, the steroid revelations about David Ortiz and Manny Ramirez, and the fevered speculation over whether Theo Epstein could — or would — swing a trade for Roy Halladay.

The dust is now at least starting to clear (at least, until Michael Vick signs with the Patriots, but that’s another story). Today, Boston gave up on acquiring Roy Halladay, went after Padres 1B Adrian Gonzalez but then gave up on him, too, after Kevin Towers asked for the moon, and ultimately acquired Cleveland’s Victor Martinez (who can play first, catch, and DH) for reliever Justin Masterson and pitching prospect Nick Hagadone, as well as pitcher Bryan Price. This made the newly acquired LaRoche expendable, so Boston swapped him with the Braves for Casey Kotchman.

MLBTR said of the Martinez trade, “Gut reaction: nice haul.” From this I presume they meant that the Indians got a nice haul for Martinez (and this before Price was known to be part of the deal) but my reaction was, not so fast. I think this is a great deal for Boston. They get a versatile player in the switch-hitting Martinez, who is still only and beefs up their flailing offense. They deal a sidearm reliever who seems due to be figured out by opposing hitters and a high-ceiling pitching prospect returning from Tommy John surgery. Yes, Hagadone strikes out a ton of batters (11.7 K/9 over parts of three seasons) but he’s only started 23 games. He’s never pitched above the Sally League. And he throws a lot of walks: a 5.0 BB/9 in low-A this year. I know the Red Sox were high on him, but baseball is littered with high-ceiling prospects who just didn’t work out. This deal not only helps the Red Sox this year, but it helps them next year, too, as it will let them kick their dire catching problem down the road if they have to.

Price is sort of the mystery-man in this deal: a 6′4″, 210-lb righty who’s been pitching for high-A Salem. He was a 1st round (45th overall) pick in the 2008 draft. He’s 1 and 6 in Salem with a 6.54 ERA, but he also strikes out a lot of hitters. In 8 games for the low-A Greenville Drive, he went 3-2 with a 2.45 ERA, and had a more impressive season in his pro debut last year, where he struck out 43 and walked 10 in 12 games.

In the end, despite the urge to pronounce “winners” and “losers” (as Sports Illustrated writers were doing on Twitter within moments of the deadline closing) this may be one of those trades that is a good deal for both teams involved. However, it seems to this observer that the Red Sox managed to buy low on Martinez, who has been slumping, and sell high on Masterson, who got all kinds of good press last season after an impressive MLB debut, but who posted a 5.73 ERA in July.

The Kotchman/LaRoche deal is another smart move by Boston. As a Beantowner, I didn’t really understand why Boston dumped Kotsay for LaRoche in the first place. (While LaRoche is a modest offensive upgrade, Kotsay could play outfield and infield, and was solid defensively.) So I’m glad to see the back of LaRoche, and glad to welcome the defensively skilled Casey Kotchman to Boston. A week or so ago, when I was writing about the alleged struggles of Jon Lester for the Metro, Boston ranked 28th in defensive efficiency. Today, they actually rank dead last — 30th. If Kotchman can sub in as needed for the defensively challenged Martinez and allow Kevin Youkilis to slide over to third, that should materially improve Boston’s defense. No, Youk’s -2.2 UZR at third isn’t great, but it’s substantially better than Mike Lowell’s -9.0 rating. Plus, if Big Papi suddenly loses his steroids power stroke again, Lowell can just DH.

The way I see it, Boston addressed their two biggest challenges: a struggling offense and an execrable defense. And they did it for a fraction of what Roy Halladay would have cost.

So, yes…if I actually ever updated my Twitter feed, I suppose I’d declare them trade deadline winners too.

So I cruise on in to my local SBUX this morning for my grande bold, and happen to see a Boston Globe lying on one of the tables. I’m immediately arrested by the screaming headlines and massive above-the-fold image of David Ortiz and Manny Ramirez, circa 2003, both pointing skyward. Steroid Scandal Hits Home; Shaughnessy: Cheating Takes the Juice Out of Sox Turnaround; For Legions of Fans, a Magic Spell Is Broken.

Inside, there’s a Globe editorial (Say It Ain’t So, Papi) and a Bob Ryan column (Another Big Hit). The website has a slideshow of David’s career and a graphic of his stats. Nick Cafardo even suggests that a Roy Halladay blockbuster is what the team needs now to “move on” and change the media storyline.

Well, I’m sorry, but I find this all a little disgusting. Ortiz was using steroids? I’m shocked, shocked. Today’s Metro column is, hopefully, a breath of fresh air to those who find all the sturm und drang in the Globe a little ridiculous.

(For a more complete rundown of the media ululating, I suggest this roundup from Boston Media Sports Watch.)