Breaking: White Sox Suck!; ESPN just realizing they do!

I hate to point out the obvious, but ESPN.COM is late to the game. I also hate to revel in my favorite team’s demise, but, again, ESPN.COM is late to the game.

A full 12 days late to be precise.

Yes, a week and a half ago, we here at Umpbump realized the White Sox stank, but just now Jerry Crasnik has gotten a wiff off of that stinking South Side cheese.

Well, now they know.

What the White Sox lack in excitement value, they make up for in predictability. They went into the quintessential hitter’s park Monday night against a starter, Adam Eaton, sporting a 5.99 ERA, and summoned their usual nada. They managed five hits, all singles, in a 3-0 loss at Citizens Bank Park.

“It’s like watching ESPNEWS after 11 o’clock at night — the same thing over and over and over for 24 hours,” Guillen said. “That’s what it feels like right now.”

Guillen is almost as inventive with his batting orders as his imagery. When he wasn’t making waves on Chicago sports talk radio, he was running out 49 different lineup combinations in the team’s first 59 games. No matter who’s leading off or batting ninth, Chicago’s lineups have shared the same nagging aversion to crooked numbers.

I was actually surprised ESPN picked up the Phillies-Sox game (must’ve been one of those “hey, they never play each other, let’s see what happens when they do” kind of games.

I mean, last week the mother-ship also carried our game but that was simply because the Rocket was scheduled to pitch. They weren’t there for us, they were there for the game in which a certain 44-year-old pitcher was slated to return.

Yes, we suck – bad. But, c’mon ESPN, let’s keep closer tabs on the sport we’re supposed to be covering. Don’t want to be out-foxed (and out-scooped) by bloggers, now do we?