“Candlesticks are always nice.”

Ever since I watched Bull Durham at an impressionable age (probably too impressionable, given some of the content in that film), I’ve always wondered what they’re really saying out there on the diamond.

The new Lou Piniella/Aquafina commercial (uploaded by the nice Cubs fans over at Raise the W Flag) has a rather hilarious take:

The video is even more hilarious because, according to the following story from BrownDog’s BrownBlog, who unearthed it from MLB’s umpires’ page (this exists?!), it’s true. The following appeared in a Q&A with Tim McClelland:

As an umpire, what’s the funniest thing anyone has ever said to you during an argument?

McClelland: Oh boy. A long time ago at a game in Triple-A, Jack McKeon was the manager in Omaha. He came out and said “I know you got that call right, but I have a big, full house here and my team isn’t playing very well. Can we just stand out here and argue a little bit? I am just going to stand here and bob my head and raise my hands a little bit, but I am not mad at you. I just want to put on a little bit of a show. When I’m done you run me and I’ll go to the dugout.”

I said, “That’s fine, whatever you need to do, go ahead and do it.” So I told him I had a good dinner last night at a restaurant and asked if he’s ever been there. He said no, and started kicking the dirt and raising his hands and said “but maybe I should try it out sometime! Well, I think this was enough, why don’t you run me now.” So I did and he walked away.

Beautiful.