Our league leader, Paul, suffered a stunning upset as Alejandro’s team continued its inexorable rise up the standings. Sarah’s took two steps forward but then, mysteriously, one step back. And Coley completed a major trade with his fellow cellar-dwellar. But will it be enough to catch Paul? And can Paul hold off Alejandro? Will Sarah ever figure out this “fantasy baseball” thing and achieve her true destiny? Like sands through the hourglass……so are the games of our lives.

Sarah: I finished the week with an unsatisfying 7-5 win. Why was it unsatisfying? Well, my opponent, Sooze, played the entire week with two empty spots in her lineup. And I was winning 8-2 on Sunday morning. At this point, I’m just not sure what to do about my pitching. I try to be smart. I try not to play my guys in situations where they seem doomed to fail. Like the struggling Johnny Cueto, who I benched yesterday because I figured if any situation was going to be hell for a floundering rookie, it would be going against the Yankee lineup while pitching for the very first time in Yankee Stadium. Of course, Cueto finished with seven K’s, no walks, and one run over five innings, scattering four hits. (An hourlong rain delay then cut his day short.) And yet then you figure it’s okay to run a wily veteran like Pedro Martinez out there against the Rockies (although I admit, I had my doubts about the aging Pedro in Coors Field), and he gets slammed for six earned runs in four and a third. So as your fantasy baseball rookie, I admit it: I’m completely lost. Any and all suggestions are welcome. Until then, I’ll just be banging my head against this obliging wall. Hot: J.D. Drew, James Loney, Ian Kinsler, Andy Pettitte. Not: Jacoby Ellsbury (no steals this week, leading to a rare loss of that category by the Green Sox), Brian Wilson, Pedro Martinez, Vernon Wells, Carlos Guillen.

Paul: I ran into a buzzsaw and its name was Alejandro. It wasn’t even close. Completely embarrassing. He won Runs 45-30. Total Bases 143-93. RBIs 50-29. HRs 18-4. 18-4!!! 18-to-freaking-4. And half of my dingers were hit by Kevin Youkilis yesterday. So I had 2 going into the last day of the week. And I have many people to thank for my team’s offensive ineptitude. I’d like to thank Adam Dunn for getting me two whole total bases and nothing else this week, thus proving that you really do love baseball more than anyone. And here’s to Geovany Soto for that lovely .174 OBP. Chris B. Young, I couldn’t have done it without you or your 5TBs and .222 OBP. And Shane Victorino! Your craptastic week also deserves some recognition. (On a side note, there’s a very interesting race going on between Young and Victorino to determine who will be the guy most likely to produce ONLY in games where I sit him on the bench. Looking like a photo finish.) Lastly, an Honorable Mention goes out to Interleague Play. Without you, Jim Thome probably would have had more than 3ABs over the past three days. So give yourself a round of applause, you pointless scheduling catastrophe. Peace, God. Hot: C.C. Sabathia, Cliff Lee, Justin Duchscherer, George Sherrill, Jhonny Peralta. Not: Interleague Play, Geovany Soto, Adam Dunn, Shane Victorino, Chris B. Young, Huston Street, my pride.

Alejandro: It’s a week for individuals. So I’ll be poised in celebrating my solid victory over first-place ElDuquesInjuryReport (aka, Paul). Not that I’m a good winner, but everything has to have moderation. You might as well call me lucky because my team won even though the red-hot Chipper Jones went down with an injury, and both the White Sox and Marlins had rough weekends. Remember, it’s a week of individuals. Jermaine Dye was pretty much the ChiSox offense for the last few games, racking up 28 total bases, 13 RBI, 5 home runs, and 7 runs. His OPB? .440 thank you very much. The rest of the White Sox offense was a collection of timely hits and home runs from A.J. Pierzynksi and Alexei Ramirez (both on my team). As for the Marlins, a guy who is basically carbon copy of Hanley Ramirez broke out of his slump and… HIS NAME IS DAAAN UGGLA! Kid his hot! 22 total bases, 9 RBI, 4 home runs, 5 runs, and a very impressive .517 OBP. But again, I’ll be poised. I don’t completely doubt my team for this week, but I’m not expecting great things. Hot: Dan Uggla, Carlos Lee, Jermaine Dye, Billy Wanger, Kerry Wood, Gavin Floyd, Vicente Padilla. Not: Mark Hendrickson, Eric Chavez, Alexi Ramirez, Alex Gordon, Hunter Pence (bench-warmer).

Coley: My latest blockbuster trade involved me sending Jorge Posada, Carlos Pena and Jay Bruce to Sooze for Mark Teixeira and Jack Cust. Teixeira had a totally silent week this week. Until Sunday, that is, when he hit three homers. It wasn’t quite enough to put me over the top. I still lost to Box89RowKKSeat14 7-5, but it’s encouraging to think that Tex might be heating up, because when he gets going he can carry a team, fantasy or otherwise. Also, Vlad Guerrero looks like he’s finally broken out of his season long slump. But it’s hard to tell – everyone looks good when they’re hitting against Kyle Kendrick. Hot: Vlad Guerrero, Carl Crawford, Mark Teixeira, Greg Maddux, John Danks. Not: Carlos Delgado, Jack Cust, Dice-K, C.J. Wilson.

Standings (games behind)

1. Paul – ElDuquesInjuryReport ( – )
2. Scott – Utley’s Firm Quads ( 3 )
3. Alejandro – Center Field Stud ( 5.5 )
4. Doug – Swamp Dragons ( 6.5 )
5. Sarah – Somerville Green Sox ( 10 )
6. Kirk – Montefusco’s Revenge ( 19.5 )
7. Ania – Box89RowKKSeat14 ( 22.5 )
8. Bryan – Pirates in ‘08! ( 23 )
9. Larry – croutchyoldman ( 26.5 )
10. Coley – Crunkball All-Stars ( 28 )
11. Caitlin – caitlin grace ( 31.5 )
12. Sooze – freebase my balls ( 34 )

Week 11 of UmpBump.com’s fantasy league has come to a close and some trends have come and gone, while others are here to stay. Alejandro lost for the first time in 6 weeks, Paul stays on top edging a few half games more over the rest of the pack, and Utley’s Firm Quads keeps adding to his league-leading 44 moves. The mystery of the week however is the whereabouts of one caitlin grace who managed to pull off a draw (a tie!!) with Swamp Dragons even though she has zero roster moves, and hasn’t altered her line up or rotation in a while.

Alejandro: I knew it! Well, all good things must come to an end, so my winning streak is now over. Though it was good while it lasted, it exposed a major weakness in my team: streaky hitters. My offense went down the tubes this week with all of my “studs” taking a leave of absence in production. I mean, how can I lose to a team with Casey Blake, Placido Polanco, MIke Lowell and Christian Guzman in the infield, and an injured Manny Ramirez? Well, you start with horrible performances by Dan Uggla, Connor Jackson, AJ Pierzynski, Hanley Ramirez, etc, etc, etc. I only had two players with an .OBP higher than .500 this week, and only one of them fits into the “hot” category. My pitching gave me a fighting chance at overcoming the eventual 7-4 defeat, but a particularly disastrous week by one Todd Wellemeyer (a football-score-like 21.60 ERA) did me under. But you wanna know how bad my team was? I actually won in the ERA stat this week, which means Box89RowKKSeat14 caught my Center Field Stud at the wrong time. Ania, you got away this week! Hot: Carlos Lee, Josh Beckett (yes, Lindsay, 1w, 9ks, and 2.77 makes him hot), Tim Lincecum (Mr. Reliable), Kerry Wood. Not: The rest of ‘em.

Paul: In the kind of battle that will forever be compared to the one at Helm’s Deep (I hate myself sometimes), I took on the mighty forces of 2nd-place Utley’s Firm Quads (Scott). Having only been three games ahead going into last week, I began to wonder if my reign atop the standings would come to an end. But Hazzah! ElDuquesInjuryReport squeaked out a 6-5-1 victory. Offensively, there really wasn’t a star, but the players had enough decent performances to carry me through. On the pitching side, Ted Lilly and C.C. Sabathia combined to pitch 29 2/3 innings and gave up only 6 runs while striking out 29 guys and winning all four starts to boot. And I feel like we as a people aren’t doing enough to recognize the work of Justin Duchscherer this year. He’s not going to keep putting up Cy Young numbers, but he’s more than a solid option who deserves attention. Hot: Kevin Youkilis, Ted Lilly, C.C. Sabathia, Justin Duchscherer. Not: Jhonny Peralta, Shane Victorino, Chris B. Young, George Sherrill, Ryan Franklin.

Coley: Sooze and I battled to a tie this week. But we also exchanged a few players. And, I daresay I got the better end of the deal. I sent her Carlos Pena, Jorge Posada and Jay Bruce in exchange for Jack Cust and Mark Teixeira. I love this trade because my team’s OPB needed a boost and Cust is an OBP machine. And I desperately wanted an upgrade over Pena at 1B, and Teixeira fits the bill. Moreover, Tex is a notorious second-half player who’s in a contract year and I expect big things from him as the season winds down. Sure, it hurts to give up on Bruce, but my outfield was stacked (and remains so with the addition of Cust). And I was going to cut Posada anyways. In other news, Rich Harden has been stellar since I traded Todd Helton for him last week, knock on wood. Also Chone Figgins came off the DL and replaced Scott Rolen at third. And Dice-K is getting ready to return to the mound. Things are looking up. Hot: Harden, Brad Lidge, Vlad Guerrero. Not: Benjie Molina, C.J. Wilson, Brett Myers.

Sarah: I took some crap on our league message board this week for leaving Roy Oswalt and Andy Pettitte on the bench, only to have the two of them both turn in stellar outings. But what was I supposed to do? Last week I sent Pettitte out against the Royals, only to have him get shelled, and Roy Oswalt has been screwing the Somerville Green Sox all season long. As it was, I won, but only 7-5. And in the end, though I lost out on K/BB and strikeouts (by two whiffs!), I did win ERA, WHIP, and Wins. And on the offensive end, there’s been no hotter hitter over the last couple of weeks than JD Drew. He contributed three homers and a .500 OBP to the Green Sox last week. Hot: Drew, Troy Glaus, Matt Cain. Not: Johnny Cueto (what to do, what to do?!), Vernon Wells, Matt Kemp.

Standings (games behind)

1. Paul – ElDuquesInjuryReport ( – )
2. Scott – Utley’s Firm Quads ( 4.5 )
3. Doug – Swamp Dragons ( 5.5 )
4. Alejandro – Center Field Stud ( 9.5 )
5. Sarah – Somerville Green Sox ( 13 )
6. Bryan – Pirates in ‘08! ( 23 )
7. Kirk – Montefusco’s Revenge ( 24.5 )
8. Ania – Box89RowKKSeat14 ( 25.5 )
9. Coley – Crunkball All-Stars ( 29 )
10. Larry – croutchyoldman ( 29 )
11. Sooze – freebase my balls ( 35 )
12. Caitlin – caitlin grace ( 35.5 )

Our UmpBump Fantasy League is getting tighter and tighter in the standings. Comfortable leads are now slimming down. Two owners have already made a combined 93 roster moves. which may be a record. But then again, with so many notable players hitting the DL over the past week (John Smoltz, Ryan Zimmerman, David Ortiz, Carlos Pena, Rickie Weeks, Jeremy Bonderman, Aaron Hill, and the indispensable Clete Thomas), it’s looking like a necessity…

Alejandro: So how’s it going? Good? Well? Swell? Great, I’m fine; just dandy. D’you see those White Sox? Boy that Ozzie Guillen can really get under his team’s skin, and boy do they respond! Ok fine, I didn’t want to do it, but I guess I have to talk about my fantasy team. I’m so good I don’t wanna talk about it lest I jinx it. I was this close to losing in week 9, but last week I just brought it, and my Center Field Stud whopped freebase my balls (yes that’s the name) 11-1. That lone loss came as a result of a 2.91 ERA, which was obviously not enough to beat balls’ 2.59. But really, my offense was firing on all cylinders. I mean, I had guys on the bench who were racking up stats. My pitching was decent, B.J. Ryan blew a save and had a balloon-like 16.20 ERA (I wonder if that’s what prevented a perfect 12-0?). And Mark Hendrickson seems to be coming back to earth. Don’t look now, but that first place seems awfully close at 7.5 games ahead. Hot: Dan Uggla, Chipper Jones, Hanley Ramirez, Jermaine Dye, Josh Beckett, Tim Lincecum, Kerry Wood (hot!!), Gavin Floyd, Jon Garland. Notable mildness: Eric Chavez. Not: Mark Hendrickson, B.J. Ryan, Alex Gordon (trade anyone?).

Coley: This week my team put a 9-3 beat down on Montefusco’s Revenge, a feat that is made more amazing by the fact that I had to overcome Oliver Perez’s 162.00 ERA. Overcome it I did, and Perez is now on the waiver wire. That’s the good news. The bad news is that, moments after trading away Todd Helton for Rich Harden, Carlos Pena hit the DL. All of a sudden I found myself sans a first basemen AND an extra infielder. So I picked up Mark Teahen and Carlos Delgado and they’ll just have to do until Pena and Chone Figgins return from the DL. Now my only problem is what to do with Jorge Posada. He’s back and he’s looking healthy, but I am perfectly content with Bengie Molina. I’ve tried to trade Posada but so far there have been no takers. Should I cut him? I just can’t bring myself to do it. Hot: Milton Bradley, Johnny Damon, Yunel Escobar. Not: Oliver Perez, Brandon Phillips.

Sarah: The Green Sox took a 6-5 squeaker last week over team caitlin grace, who goes all-lowercase, e.e. cummings-style. Embarassingly, she’s last in our league, hasn’t logged in in nearly a month, and has made zero roster moves all season long. But a win is a win, and this one marked an important milestone for my team: I finally won the saves category. With John Smoltz out for the season, I’m hoping the Braves will give my Rafael Soriano a long leash. With Pedro Martinez coming off the DL, I spent much of the week trying to find a taker for a pitcher to clear a space on my roster, but had no luck. Then Vernon Wells came off the DL and Rickie Weeks went on, necessitating even more maneuvering. Ultimately, I dropped Dana Eveland, Hong Chih Kuo, and Santiago Casilla and added Joel Zumaya and Akinori Iwamura. Hot: J.D. Drew, David Murphy (though the poor kid never gets a chance to play for me—trade anyone?), Vernon Wells, Ian Kinsler, Troy Glaus. Not: Andy Pettitte (I thought it was safe to pitch him against the Royals!), Matt Cain, Jacoby Ellsbury.

Paul: My high school gym teacher, the legendary John Donodeo, used to say, “a tie is like kissing your sister!” Mr. Donodeo, that’s just gross. I really think I’d just rather tie. And so would 98% of god-fearing Americans (statistic not applicable in West Virginia, Alabama, Mississippi, and Philadelphia). But I did manage to pull off a draw this week against the team whose name is most difficult to type, Box89RowKKSeat14 (Ania). My offense was dominated but my pitching staff picked up the slack. That’s not to say that all my bats were silent. Brian Roberts, Edwin Encarnacion, and Shane Victorino did their best, but the only category I won on offense was Runs Scored. On the mound, the only pitcher who stumbled was Cliff Lee, and he still picked up a win despite allowing six runs in five innings (proof #876,329,861,734,896 that Wins are an arbitrary stat). But Scott Kazmir just keeps rolling. Have you seen just how good he’s been? He began the year late due to an injury, but since his return, he’s pitched 45 innings, averaging almost 10Ks per 9IP, less than 3 walks per 9, allowing a mere (but unsustainable) .22 HRs per game, a 0.91 WHIP and 1.40 ERA. On a totally, completely and utterly unrelated note, the Mets are 7.5 games back in the NL East and Victor Zambrano is sporting a 9.45 ERA. In Colorado Springs. AAA. Excuse me, I need to go get a tissue. Hot: Brian Roberts, Edwin Encarnacion, Shane Victorino, Trevor Hoffman, George Sherrill, Scott Kazmir. Not: Geovany Soto, David Wright, Jhonny Peralta, Cliff Lee.

Standings, with games behind:

1. Paul (ElDuquesInjuryReport) (0)

2. Scott (Utley’s Firm Quads) (3.5)

3. Doug (Swamp Dragons) (5)

4. Alejandro (Center Field Stud) (7.5)

5. Sarah (Somerville Green Sox) (13.5)

6. Kirk (Montefusco’s Revenge) (23)

7. Bryan (Pirates in 08!) (24.5)

8. Ania (Box89RowKKSeat14) (26.5)

9. Larry (croutchyoldman) (26.5)

10. Coley (Crunkball All Stars) (28.5)

11. Sooze (freebase my balls) (34.5)

12. Caitlin (caitlin grace) (35)

The fantasy season is now in its third month. How our teams—and their stars—did last week:

Sarah: I should have known. No sooner do I start crowing about my unstoppable offense than the fantasy baseball gods look down from their airy perches and decide to smite me for my hubris. The Somerville Green Sox hitters got off to such an anemic start this week that I was pleased just to escape with a 7-5 loss rather than the 10-2 drubbing that earlier seemed to be my fate. My pitchers reverted to their natural, awful state, but I hope that will change, as I used my waiver priority to pick up Clayton Kershaw. Yes, he promptly (and unsurprisingly, really) got rocked by the Mets, but I look forward to his games against the weaker NL offenses. I also revamped my closing staff, dumping part-time-sub Manny Acosta and bad juju-machine Eric Gagne in favor of Brian Wilson and Rafael Soriano. I’ve got more pitching moves to make in the near future, as Pedro Martinez, who I picked up ages ago, is finally set to come off the DL tomorrow. Hot: Jacoby Ellsbury (8 SB!), Ryan Braun (19 TB!), Russell Martin, Xavier Nady. Not: David Murphy (why do I still have him?), James Loney, JD Drew (yes, he had a .462 OBP last week, but only 7 TB because all he does is walk—swing, jackass!), Rickie Weeks (not having the breakout year I had planned on), Carlos Guillen (ouchie), and last week’s hero, Dana Eveland, who got shelled.

Coley: That’s right, I was that guy. I was the guy who drafted Jay Bruce and stashed him on the bench for two months. And you snickered. You thought, “what a reckless use of bench space.” But now who’s laughing? Now who looks smart? Me! Of course, now I’ve got a bit of a problem, though it’s a good problem to have. I’ve got too many outfielders. There’s Milton Bradley, Josh Hamilton, Johnny Damon, Vlad Guererro, Carl Crawford and Jay Bruce. Of course, I could just keep one of them on my bench as insurance. Or I could deal one for pitching. Thoughts? Hot: Jay Bruce, Josh Hamilton, Johnny Damon, Todd Helton, Brad Lidge. Not: Yunel Escobar, Carlos Pena, Jered Weaver.

Alejandro: When it first seemed like my Center Field Stud was finally going to lose after four consecutive weeks of victories, my offense decided to check in. Glad as I was of the offensive prowess of Aaron Rowand, Carlos Lee, and Jermaine Dye, Montefusco’s Revenge didn’t go down quietly, beating me out in 4 out 6 offensive categories. I don’t know how, but my pitching carried the load, returning the favor and wining 5 out 6 stats. The only loss was due to my “bloated” 3.97 era, all thanks to Mr. Mark Hendrickson hitting a wall and getting tagged for 10 freakin’ runs, oh and for B.J. Ryan finally succumbing to statistical trends and blowing a save. Tim Linceum continues to dominate, but the surprise has been Todd Wellemeyer who very quietly is posting very impressive numbers (1-0, 1.29 ERA, 4Ks, 1.14 WHIP – though if I were to trust my colleague Nick Kapur, I should be trading him, like, NOW!). Hot: Aaron Rowand, Jermaine Dye (not really, but he did hit a home run and collected 11 TBs), Tim Lincecum, Todd Wellemeyer, Josh Becket (no wins, but 10 Ks!), Kerry Wood (4 saves and a negligible ZERO era), Jon Garland (another non-winner, 8-Ker, 2.19 ERA). Not: Dan Uggla, A.J. Pierzynksi (what a seesaw), Connor Jackson (boy’s hurting, give him some time).

Paul: Me win. Conquer Sooze and Sooze army (freebase my balls). Win lucky though. ElDuque’sInjuryReport no play good. Pitchers had ERA over 5. Still won Wins, Saves, K, and K/BB, whatever that mean. How that happen? David Wright do good. All-Star. Me Met fan. When Wright do good, make me happy. Shane Victorino good too. Scored thirteen runs on own! WOW! Only got on base safely 13 times all week! Still scored 13! Phillies have big bats! Me still think Brett Myers dumb… Me also bring Randy Winn on team. Matt Holliday hurt. Needed outfielder. Winn outfielder. Good match. But two days later, saw Travis Hafner get dropped. Me clubbed Winn over head with big stick. Winn go sleep. Me dragged Winn to garbage pit. Picked up Pronk instead. Brought Pronk home. Pronk easy name for caveman to say. Bye bye Winn. HOT: David Wright, Shane Victorino, Scott “Cy Young” Kazmir. NOT: Geovany Soto, Edwin Encarnacion, Chris B. Young, Ted Lilly, Hiroki Kuroda.

Standings, with games behind:

1. Paul (ElDuquesInjuryReport) (0)

2. Scott (Utley’s Firm Quads) (5.5)

3. Doug (Swamp Dragons) (9.5)

4. Alejandro (Center Field Stud) (12.5)

5. Sarah (Somerville Green Sox) (14)

6. Kirk (Montefusco’s Revenge) (20)

7. Larry (croutchyoldman) (22)

6. Bryan (Pirates in 08!) (22.5)

9. Ania (Box89RowKKSeat14) (26.5)

10. Sooze (freebase my balls) (29.5)

11. Coley (Crunkball All Stars) (31.5)

12. Caitlin (caitlin grace) (34.5)

Batting average on balls in play, or BABIP, is a tool most useful for evaluating pitchers. While batters do show some ability to consistently hit for BABIP above or below league average from year to year, we have almost no evidence that pitchers can control the results of balls put into play against them from year to year. This means that as we approach the end of the first third of the current season, BABIP is useful to help fantasy team owners determine which pitchers are for real and which pitchers are flukes so far.

Looking at pitchers with extreme and utterly unsustainable BABIP stats (over .350 or under .250), we can easily identify 5 pitchers who are performing way above their level, and 5 pitchers who have actually pitched quite well but do not have the stats to show for it. As a fantasy team owner, you should look to trade high on the former, before they inevitably crash back down to earth, and you should look to buy low on the latter, before their luck evens out and their stats return to their actual level of performance.

Sell High – 5 Lowest BABIPs

The chart at right shows the 5 luckiest pitchers in baseball, BABIP-wise.

Shaun Marcum has looked like an ace this season, tossing some absolute gems, such as an 8-inning, 2-hit, 0-run performance against a powerful Indians lineup on May 12, and a near complete game against the even more powerful Rays on May 7. But looking at his ridiculous .194 BABIP tells us that he has actually been the luckiest pitcher in all of baseball, upon which the difference between his 2.64 ERA this season and his 4.24 career ERA prior to this season becomes much more understandable. He’s not worth keeping – trade him if you can.

With a 5-3 record and a sparkling 3.22 ERA this season, Gavin Floyd has White Sox Fans thinking that he is finally blossoming into the ace everyone has long hoped he could become, but his gift-from-the-baseball-gods .198 BABIP suggests that he is actually much closer to the pitcher of prior years who had a career ERA in the high 5’s. Maybe a White Sox fan will bite on him.

Scott Olson has teamed up with Mark Hendrickson to be one of the co-aces of a surprising Marlins team, but Hendrickson has actually been the much better pitcher; Olson’s low BABIP portends an imminent return to mediocrity. Maybe you can get something for him before he crashes and burns.

After a several-year hiatus in the bullpen, Ryan Dempster has made a triumphant return to starting pitching, posting an astonishing 2.56 ERA in 11 starts. But his crazy low BABIP will soon regress, showing Cubs fans why he is just as mediocre a pitcher as he as always been. Sell him off to a Cubs fan now.

Joe Saunders is young and good, but he is not that young, and he is not this good. He’s definitely worth keeping on your team, but lower your expectations the rest of the way. His ERA will probably be in the mid 4’s from here on out.

Buy Low – Guys Who Have Been Unlucky

Here are the five pitchers who have been most snake bitten so far – bloopers falling in or slow rollers finding holes.

Andrew Miller of the Marlins has actually pitched very well this year, but nobody knows it because he has been the unluckiest pitcher in the game so far. He is probably not even owned in your league, so if you need a pitcher, go pick him up. He should give you decent strikeouts, and with that offense and in that park, decent ERA and wins as well the rest of the way.

Bronson Arroyo is another guy who is probably not even owned in your league. But don’t be fooled by his unsightly ERA and WHIP – he is pitching just as well as he did the past two seasons, when he put up near-ace-like numbers.

Ian Snell of the Pirates broke out last year with a strong ace-like season. This year the breakout secretly continues, hidden behind some horrible bad luck. He’s still good, and should be in your fantasy rotation if you can get him.

Ubaldo Jimenez is not as bad as his numbers have shown, but he pitches half his games in Coors Field, and half of the Rockies offense is on the DL right now, so I’d avoid him.

Miguel Batista is still the same old mediocre 4th starter type he’s always been. He’ll turn it around a bit when his luck evens out, but is probably not worth owning except in AL-only leagues, especially with that terrible Mariners defense behind him.

Other guys with low BABIP (Sell, sell, sell!): Daniel Cabrera, Todd Wellemeyer, Tim Redding, Jose Contreras

Other guys with high BABIP (Buy, buy, buy!): CC Sabathia, Andy Pettite, AJ Burnett, Manny Parra

UberGM Billy Beane has often said that the first two months of the season are for finding out what you need, the second two months are for getting what you need, and the last two months are for having what you need as you make your playoff run.

Well, the first two months are again coming to a close. So at UmpBump, we’re renewing our semiannual series, the creatively titled “What They Need.” We’ll write up all thirty teams with quick yet blisteringly accurate insights on “what they need” (get it?) heading into trading season. We’ll use this post as an index post, so bookmark it to see when your favorite teams have been added. Because as with our Hot Offseason Action series, we will run through all the teams in a completely random order, paying heed only to the vagaries of our own whims. Oooh, the suspense!

July 24 – St. Louis Cardinals

July 24 – Colorado Rockies

July 23 – New York Mets

July 22 – San Diego Padres

July 21 – Chicago White Sox

July 18 – San Francisco Giants

July 17 – Philadelphia Phillies

July 15 – Detroit Tigers

July 11 – Toronto Blue Jays

July 9 – Florida Marlins

July 7 – Milwaukee Brewers

July 5 – Angels of Anaheim

July 1 – Pittsburgh Pirates

June 28 – Houston Astros

June 28 – L.A. Dodgers

June 20 – Chicago Cubs

June 18 – Washington Nationals

June 18 – New York Yankees

June 12 – Arizona Diamondbacks

June 10 – Texas Rangers

June 6 – Minnesota Twins

June 5 – Oakland A’s

June 5 – Baltimore Orioles

June 4 – Boston Red Sox

June 4 – Tampa Bay Rays

June 3 – Kansas City Royals

June 3 – Cleveland Indians

June 2 – Seattle Mariners

May 31 – Cincinnati Reds

May 29 – Atlanta Braves

Another week’s worth of fantasy baseball triumphs and heartbreaks are now receding in the rearview mirror of the UmpBumpmobile. A look at how we did, who we loved, and who we cursed with shaking fists:

Coley: Last week, prompted in part by Paul’s post on Jose Reyes, I finally bit the bullet and pulled the trigger on a big trade, sending Reyes to Swamp Dragons for Yunel Escobar and Carl Crawford. Of course, Escobar promptly went out and nearly tore his knee in half and then Reyes jacked two homers yesterday, his first day as an ex-Crunkball All-Star. But you know what? I’m not regretting it. Yunel is going to be fine, it seems. And let’s be real: Reyes is not going to morph into a power hitter overnight. Hot: Carlos Pena, Benjie Molina. Not: Oliver Perez, Brett Myers.

Alejandro: I’m not sure how long this surge will last, but my Center Field Stud keeps on climbing up the charts. Whereas my pitching was the fulcrum of my success two weeks ago, last week it was my offense that flexed its biceps. Magglio Ordóñez (about that first week, yea, let’s fuggedabouit) had a whopping 24 bases, contributing to a grand total 144 bases for the Stud. Carlos Lee also hit double digits in RBIs, pushing 12 runs across the plate. Aaron Rowand is showing signs of life, posting a respectable .423 OBP, hitting 2 home runs, collecting 14 bases, 3 runs, and 9 RBIs. Dan Uggla, Chipper Jones, Jermaine Dye, Hunter Pence, all had solid weeks. Too bad I can’t say the same about a few that I’ll name in the “not” category, below. My pitching was meh, earning me 5 wins, 2 saves, and 45 Ks (enough to win those three categories, but allowing a 4.00 ERA and a 1.37 WHIP. I did manage to eke ahead in the ever-elusive K/BB category, with a 2.81 rate. I do have to point out one Mark Hendrickson, who I almost dropped, this week earned 2 wins and punched out 12 dudes in the process (his ERA isn’t hotness, but I’ll take those 12 Ks). Once again, another solid week from CFS and a 9-3 victory. I now sit 11 games out of first place, and only 1.5 from overtaking Sarah’s Somerville Green Sox. Hot: Carlos Lee, Magglio Ordóñez, Aaron Rowand, Dan Uggla, Chipper Jones, Mark Hendrickson (ugh, how unpredictable), B.J. Ryan. Not: Hanley Ramirez, Alex Gordon, Fred Lewis, Emil Brown, A.J. Pierzynski, Vicente Padilla.

Paul: It’s a crazy mixed up world. It’s a Doggy Dogg World. The Dogg’s World. Truer words were never spoken by man. And this can be the only possible explanation as to why ElDuquesInjuryReport finally lost last week to Kirk’s Montefusco’s Revenge. My squad began the week strong, but as I checked the score on Wednesday, it was a total role reversal. Corey “The Guy In Shades” Hart and Ryan Howard simply eclipsed whatever little offense my team was able to muster. And Matt Holliday hit the DL, seemingly out of nowhere. Fantastico. To make matters worse, I sat Justin Duchscherer on Saturday thinking that I should avoid the Red Sox offense if possible. I’ve had better ideas, it turned out. And trust me. I’ve had some terrible ideas in the past. (Full disclosure – I forgot that yesterday was a holiday. I am sans computer back at home and can only use internet at work. Did not update my lineup. Missed Kazmir’s performance last night. For two teams. But I digress). I’m still in first place, however, with a 3.5 game lead over Scott and his Utley’s Firm Quads. Hot: Adam Dunn, Shane Victorino, C.C. Sabathia, Scott Kazmir. Not: Pretty much everyone else. Especially Kevin Youkilis, Edwin Encanacion, Kosuke Fukudome, Jhonny Peralta.

Sarah: By now it’s safe to say that the Somerville Green Sox have one of the hottest offenses in the UmpBump league. They tear up the charts every single week and they do it with only one can’t-drop player, Ryan Braun. Braun didn’t have even a single home run last week, yet my team finished the week with 15 round trippers, getting multiple dingers from Ian Kinsler, Xavier Nady, Carlos Guillen, Stephen Drew, and Rickie Weeks. Jacoby Ellsbury continues to be a stolen base and on-base machine, and Troy Glaus has finally decided to join the party. That’s how you end up with 146 total bases at the end of the week, the best mark in the league. But the question for my young squad has always been pitching. On paper, the guys I drafted looked good. But reality has been a different story—until now. I got a 1-run complete game from FA pickup Dana Eveland at the beginning of the week to set the tone. I got two quality starts from back-in-black Justin Verlander and a decent outing from Andy Pettitte. And I saved myself by presciently choosing to bench the ailing Roy Oswalt, who proceeded to get rocked by the Phillies. I even won the saves category (truly phenomenal, given that my closers consist of lost-in-the-woods Eric Gagne and just-temping Manny Acosta). I ended the week with an 11-1 thrashing of Pirates in 08!, losing only the strikeouts category, and moved back up to third place in the league. Hot: Eveland, Verlander, Kinsler, Nady. Not: Oswalt and Eric Gagne, currently chilling on my bench, but sure to be dropped soon.

Standings, with games behind:

1. Paul (ElDuquesInjuryReport) (0)

2. Scott (Utley’s Firm Quads) (3.5)

3. Sarah (Somerville Green Sox) (10.5)

4. Alejandro (Center Field Stud) (11)

5. Doug (Swamp Dragons) (11.5)

6. Bryan (Pirates in 08!) (15.5)

7. Kirk (Montefusco’s Revenge) (16.5)

8. Larry(croutchyoldman) (20.5)

9. Ania (Box89RowKKSeat14) (23.5)

10. Sooze (freebase my balls) (24.5)

11. Coley (Crunkball All Stars) (29)

12. Caitlin (caitlin grace) (32)

Sarah: Another frustrating week for the Somerville Green Sox, as my torrid offense fought Doug’s ridiculous pitching to a 6-6 draw. Yes, I won all the offensive categories and his Swamp Dragons took all of the pitching categories. It may be time to begin to start to think about maybe pondering whether it’s a good idea to consider the possibility of perhaps making a trade. But I’m not sure. Hot: Ryan Braun (six HR!), Ian Kinsler (4 steals!), Troy Glaus (finally!). Not: Xavier Nady (time for him to cool off, I suppose), Rickie Weeks, Carlos Guillen, everyone on my pitching staff.

Paul: My team looked to be in trouble earlier this week. As of Tuesday, ElDuquesInjuryReport was tied with team caitlin grace (for the life of me, I can’t remember the owner’s name) 6-6 and the younger members of my ball club were beginning to doubt if the team’s four-week winning streak was going to come to an end. Sensing their timidity on the field, the veterans in the clubhouse decided to call a players-only meeting. Now I wasn’t in the room when it happened, but there were lots of yelling. Trevor Hoffman was going on about rah-rah this and ho-hum that. Frankly, it didn’t sound like English at all. Then Kosuke Fukudome uttered some inspiring words of encouragement, but only me and Hiroki Kuroda understood what he was saying. And then the whole-thing degenerated into a “whose head is bigger” contest between Thome, Dunn and Holliday. Anyway, the meeting clearly worked as the squad had a true team effort the rest of the way en route to an 11-0 thrashing. Hot: David Wright, Adam Dunn, C.C. Sabathia, George Sherrill. Not: Greg Smith, Jim Thome, Edwin Encarnacion, Huston Street.

Alejandro: Although I’m on vacation, my team is going to work, putting together another impressive week with a 8-2 victory over croutchyoldman and catapulting to 5th place(!). Again, Dan Uggla has proven quite a find in the waiver market, keeping up the hotness (though I’m not sure how long he’ll be able to sustain it). But really, this week it was the usual suspects providing all the offensive prowess. Carlos Lee in particular, (2 HR, 5 RBI, and 15 Total Bases). But I have to pat myself (cautiously) on the back, for my two starters whom I picked up from the FA pool have turned in impressive numbers and results. Todd Wellemeyer picked up a win, struck out 5 and held a miniscule 1.29 ERA; Vicente Padilla did his part too, getting a win, striking out 8 and having a competitive 3.29 ERA. Gavin Floyd also rebounded from last week’s disaster in Anaheim, notching the win, striking out 3 and going ofer in the ERA department. Alas, not all my pitching pickups were winners, as Mark Hendrickson got tagged with 4 runs, ballooning his ERA to 7.20. Not good. Even with Hendrickson’s suckage, my pitching did all the heavy lifting this week, earning me 5 out of my 8 wins. I have to give honorable mention to Kerry Wood, who also rebounded for a strong week with 3 saves, 5 Ks and a 2.45 ERA. Hot: Dan Uggla, Chipper Jones (.400 baby!), Carlos Lee, Todd Wellemeyer, Vicente Padilla, Tim Lincecum, Kerry Wood, B.J. Ryan. Not: Mark Hendrickson, Hanley Ramirez, Emil Brown (cooled off, one more week and he’s gone), Connor Jackson.

Coley: Every week is a good week to own Josh Hamilton. But this week the Rangers’ CF was especially prolific, to the tune of 3 HR, 10 RBI and 20 total bases. Anchored by Hamilton, my offense came alive (12 HR, 46 RBI and 112 total bases). But it wasn’t enough, not nearly enough, to overcome Pirates in ‘08! (43 runs, 21 HR, 58 RBI, 145 total bases). What can I say? Alfonso Soriano is on a roll. Hot: Josh Hamilton, Brandon Phillips, Jered Weaver, Dice-K. Not: Brett Myers, C.J. Wilson, Johnny Damon.

Standings, with games behind:

1. Paul (ElDuquesInjuryReport) (0)

2. Scott (Utley’s Firm Quads) (4)

3. Bryan (Pirates in 08!) (11.5)

4. Doug (Swamp Dragons) (13)

5. Alejandro (Center Field Stud) (15)

6. Sarah (Somerville Green Sox) (16.5)

7. Kirk (Montefusco’s Revenge) (18.5)

8. Larry(croutchyoldman) (20.5)

9. Ania (Box89RowKKSeat14) (22)

10. Sooze (freebase my balls) (28)

11. Caitlin (caitlin grace) (30)

12. Coley (Crunkball All Stars) (31)