In a bizarre drama, Hideki Matsui announced on Thursday that he has secretly gotten married, but he refuses to divulge the identity of his wife, showing only sketches of her drawn by himself and his brother.

What made the whole situation even more bizarre is that Matsui may have married her in order to win a bet he made with teammates Derek Jeter and Bobby Abreu.

According to the terms of the bet, if Matsui got married first, he would win an undisclosed sum of money from the other two, but since Matsui was considered more likely to get married first, Jeter and Abreu were given handicaps of 1 year and 6 months, respectively.

This means that if Jeter can get married in the next year, or Abreu can get married in the next 6 months, they won’t have to pay anything to Matsui, but both players are already conceding that Matsui has won for sure and say they will pay up now.

According to Jeter, there is “no chance” that he will be married by next March.

But while UmpBumpers are certainly curious enough about the identity of this mystery woman Matsui has married, the far more pressing question has to be, is she a Hot Baseball Wife?

While the sketch above implies a certain level of hotness, if you sort of tilt your head sideways and squint at it funny, more information is needed to return a verdict of “hot” - so let’s go to the evidence…

1. Matsui is a Major League ballplayer, one of Japan’s most instantly recognizable public figures, and has often been referred to as “the most eligible bachelor in Japan.”

This means she is likely to be hot.

2. She is 25 years old and Japanese.

This information increases the likelihood that she is hot.

3. According to Matsui, she quit her job at a reputable sporting goods company about 1 year ago.

Well, having no job at all is not so hot, but then again, gold-diggers are often hot.

4. “Matsui became attracted to her personality as well as her discretion and proposed to her,” sports tabloid Sankei Sports reported.

Hmm. When people start talking about “personality” and “discretion,” actual hotness starts to be questioned.

5. At his press conference Matsui declared, “In short, I fell in love at first sight.”

Well, maybe she was pretty hot after all if Matsui fell in love just by looking at her.

6. “She is reserved and is not so sprightly,” Matsui said. “I think she is a person who is very considerate to others.”

Uh, okay. “Considerate to others” is hot, but “reserved” and “not so sprightly”? That sounds kind of un-hot.

So what do you think? Is this woman likely to be hot? You make the call:

more at twiigs.com…

No no, not that J.Lo.

It turns out that former Reds and current Nationals infielder Felipe Lopez has his own J.Lo - wife Jennifer - who appeared in FHM magazine last year.

Not bad for a player who may not even be good enough to crack the starting lineup of the Washington freakin’ Nationals this season.

When Tom Glavine turned down a $13 million option year with the Mets to return to the Braves for only $8 million, he told ESPN’s Jayson Stark that was doing it just to be closer to his family:

“My family was the reason,” Glavine said. “Had the Braves not been interested in bringing me back, I would have retired, because it was time for me to be home.”

Some observers were still baffled, but we here at UmpBump can understand this decision quite well, because Tom Glavine has a bonafide hot baseball wife.

Glavine’s second wife, Chris, who he married in 1998, not only makes it out to almost all of Tom’s games and helps raise the couple’s four children, but has also been a major supporter of “CURE Childhood Cancer” and the Rally Foundation for Childhood Cancer Research and also personally hosts an annual fundraiser/luncheon in Atlanta called “Tribute to Our Quiet Heroes,” which honors the hard work, sacrifice and dedication of the mothers of children with cancer.

We believe you will agree that Chris Glavine is a most deserving addition to the pantheon of Hot Baseball Wives.

(more pictures after the jump)

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Miguel Tejada has a lot on his mind these days. This offseason saw him get traded to a new team, get named in the Mitchell report, and become the target of an investigation for possibly having lied in sworn statements to Congress in 2005, which could be punishable by 5 years in prison. On top of all that, Tejada has also had to deal with the death in January of his beloved older brother Freddy Tejada in a motorcycle accident.

But if there is anything that will help Tejada make it through this most difficult of winters, it is the fact that he has an extremely hot wife to come home to.

Alejandra Tejada, Miguel’s wife of 13 years, has not only been mother to their two children, but this past year just launched a career as as a spanish-language pop star. Alejandra scored a success with her debut album “¡Ama!”, which was released last fall, and has just announced plans for a second album, to be released later this year.

More pictures after the jump… Read the rest of this entry »

Less than one year ago, Mark Kotsay’s wife Jamie was still a mystery, a legendarily hot baseball wife whose pictures were so rare that her hotness remained largely unknown and unworshipped. But UmpBump.com changed all that last spring when we used our insane ninja skills to bring you the largest collection of Jamie Kotsay pictures ever assembled in one place.

But now we are upping the ante.

That’s right, thanks to a source who wishes to remain anonymous, we now present to you a collection of scans from Jamie Kotsay’s modeling days which have never before been seen anywhere on the internets. Ever. Until now!

Is Jamie Kotsay really the hottest baseball wife of them all? Decide for yourself:

(Pictures continue after the jump)

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So now that Gabe Kapler has decided to make his comeback to the Major Leagues, we here at UmpBump figured it was high time we awarded coveted “Hot Baseball Wife” status to a hot baseball wife who we have shamefully overlooked. Until now.

The envy of women and gay men everywhere for having snagged the most ripped man in baseball, the former Lisa Jansen has also made her mark by going public with the painful story of a physically abusive long-term relationship she was in before meeting Gabe, in the hopes of turning her personal pain into something that can help other women escape from abusive relationships of their own.

Even Gabe was surprised to hear the story when Lisa first told it in 2004, but Gabe and Lisa were determined to try to do something to make sure other women would not have to go through what Lisa did, so together they established the Gabe Kapler Foundation, a non-profit organization which helps both men and women battle and overcome domestic violence.

Lisa Kapler, for being a brave and undeniably hot baseball wife, we hereby induct you into our pantheon of immortal hotness.

When it comes to Hot Offseason Action, everybody’s talking about the Mets and Johan Santana. But when it comes to Hot Baseball Wife Offseason Action, the Braves have thus far stolen the headlines.

The Braves signed her.

But word on the street is the Phillies are thinking about signing her.

Your move, New York.

The 2008 inductees to the Baseball Hall of Fame get announced today, so it’s only appropriate that we here at UmpBump announce the latest inductee into our own little Hall of Fame we call “Hot Baseball Wives.”

Our honoree this time is All-Star catcher and “True Yankee” Jorge Posada’s wife Laura, pictured here helping a rather uncomfortable looking Regis Philbin discover that all his moving parts are still quite functional after all these years:

Lauramarried Jorge in 2000. Before marriage, she had been a fitness model and minor actress in Puerto Rico, before later hitting the books to become an attorney. Laura also made waves after coming to the US by posing in a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition wearing nothing but strategically placed paint:

Laura’s most high profile activity since coming to the US, however has been her active role as co-founder of the Jorge Posada Foundation. Jorge and Laura’s first child, son Jorge Jr., suffers from craniosynostosis, a condition in which the bones in a child’s skull fuse too early, before the brain has had enough time to grow. The painful affliction results in an abnormally shaped skull, and causes serious complications, and Jorge Jr. has already had numerous surgeries to help correct the condition. Laura and Jorge co-founded they named after their son in order to raise money to find a cure for thecondition and to help support needy families with children afflicted by the disease.

Congratulations Laura! For combining beauty, brains, and compassion, you’ve more than earned the honor of Hot Baseball Wife.

Laura shown here with second child, daughter Paulina

Believe it or not, the wives of MLB players do not lobby too hard for induction into Umpbump’s Hot Baseball Wives Hall of Fame. We’re not too sure why this is, but we suspect it’s because baseball wives are without exception some of the most humble folks you’ll meet.

But if a baseball wife or an ex-baseball wife — say Jessica Canseco, for argument’s sake — were to push for induction, the conversation would probably go something like this:

Jessica Canseco: If I’m a hot baseball wife and I divorce my baseball playing husband, does that disqualify me from induction into the HBW Hall of Fame?

Umpbump: Heck no.

JC: What if I get re-married to a man who doesn’t play baseball?

Umpbump: All that matters is that you were once married to a ballplayer.

JC: Well then what about me? What are you waiting for?

Umpbump: We have no idea. Sorry.

That’s right folks, it’s time to toast Jessica Canseco as the Hot Baseball [ex]Wife that she is. Canseco, you’ve probably guessed by now, is the former wife of roided up slugger Jose Canseco. She’s also a former Playboy model.

But that was then. Jessica was a nineteen year-old Hooters trainee when she met Jose. Today she is a best-selling author and a successful aesthetician and image consultant in Beverly Hills. And she’s learned a lot about life and love.

Canseco now realizes that big muslces aren’t important. It’s what’s inside that matters most. And in that spirit, Canseco has found herself a new man. He’s sensitive. He’s caring. He’s the plastic surgeon from ABC’s Extreme Makeover!

(PS. Say what you will about Garth Fisher, Canseco’s new husband. But the man was previously married to Brooke Burke. So he must be doing something right.)

As for Canseco, she’s got a great career, a daughter, a new marriage and a lifetime of free plastic surgery to look forward to. Plus, she’s the newest Hot Baseball Wife.

Not too shabby, if you ask me.

Kym Byrd isn’t the kind of woman we usually rush to induct into the Hot Baseball Wife pantheon. She’s not an underwear model, or a former stripper, or a music video vixen. We don’t even have any photos of Kym in her bikini (although if you do, feel free to send them along). But she does spell her name with a Y, which is so porn star. And she’s got an undeniable girl-next-door qaulity.

Here’s some more info about Kym:

• She has a BS in Psychology
• She is half Chinese.
• She loves bubble Baths, her dog Hershey, dark chocolate, laughing out loud, teaching women, seeing a person’s heart come alive, costume parties, current events & snow capped mountains.

If some of Kym’s favorites seem a little saccharine, there’s a reason. You see, Kym is a life coach who specializes in helping other baseball wives lead rich, fulfilling lives. Her website, called Fully Loving Yourself, offers advice to women who have disappeared into their famous husbands’ shadows.

“For years I was known as Paul Byrd’s wife, mom, U-Haul Queen of America or laundry goddess,” Kym says. “Coaching offered me an opportunity to take time out for me.”

In addition to coaching, Kim is currently leading a research project to get to the bottom of why baseball players and their wives have such a high divorce rate (82% according to Kym!).

Oh, and she’s blogging! Here’s what Kym has to say about her legacy:

I don’t want, “Busy”, “Driven,” “Cold,” and “Distant,” were written on my tombstone. I want to be known and for people to see a difference in me and the way they I treated them.
So I am trying to begin in little ways talking less and speaking louder through actions.

Here’s Kym on Paul’s value as an authority figure:

He uses a stern voice when he’s displeased that I can’t achieve although I try yelling.

And finally, Kym on her kids:

They amaze me and exhaust me all in one moment. Unlimited energy. The inability to color and sit still and stay clean.

We here at Umpbump think there’s nothing hotter than a successful marriage. That’s why we’re so excited to welcome Kym Byrd to our little club. Congratulations, Kym. You’re a Hot Baseball Wife!

PS. Are you a baseball wife who thinks she might benefit from Kym’s life coaching? Take Kym’s baseball wife quiz

1.When your guy is away what do you eat for dinner?
a. A bowl of cereal
b. Eat a normal meal
c. Too depressed to eat

2.What is your response when he comes home?
a. “I am soooo bored.”
b. “How was the trip? Glad your home.”
c. “It must be nice to shower, watch TV, do what you love and sleep in.”
d. “Here are the kids. I’m outta here.”

3.What is your hobby?
a. Washing laundry
b.a mix taking good care of me and my family
c.gossipping about other wives
d.waiting for your guy to call

4.Do you know what your gifts, strengths and weaknesses are?
a. No
b. Yes

5. True/False “Sometimes I feel like no one really wants to know me. They are just interested in my guy.”

6. How would you describe the seasonal lifestyle you live?
a. Chaotic
b.Adventurous but good
c.Relaxing
d.Exhausting

7. Have you moved more than 3 times in the last year?
a.Yes
b.No

8. How do you deal with all the people who want a piece of your life?
a.Resent them
b.Set healthy boundaries for you and your family
c.Accomodate everyone else even if you are stressed
9. When you are around other baseball girls you:
a. Feel insecure and worry what they are thinking
b. You’re comfortable in your own skin
c. Jealous and comparing yourself to them

10. How open are you to being responsible for your life? Which statement would most likely represent you?
a. “My life would be better if _______ would just change.”
b. “I know I need to work on some things. My life could be so much better.”
c. “Life will get better when we… get to the Big Leagues, sign for millions, get called up.”

If you answered True or a,c or d for any of the answers above, it’s time to contact Kym.