While reporting on the story that three members of the Nippon Ham Fighters baseball team has been diagnosed with swine flu (including former MLBer Terrmel Sledge), ESPN makes a mistake that’s all too common.

For the last time, they are not the Ham Fighters. They are simply the Fighters. Nippon Ham is the company that owns them. You’re a sports news organization, ESPN. Please, at the very least, get this right.

So Pedro Martinez is taking his spot in the rotation, and Jamie Moyer is not pleased, saying that he is “disheartened,” and feels like he was “misled” by Phillies GM Ruben Amaro Jr.

Naturally, Amaro had to respond, so he issued the following statement. “When we signed Jamie Moyer in December it was under the pretense of being a starter. But right now circumstances have changed and that’s why we’re moving him to the bullpen.”

Now apparently Amaro does not quite understand the meaning of the word “pretense”, because if he did, he would realize that in his statement he appears to be flat-out admitting that he deliberately misled Moyer.

According to the dictionary, a “pretense” is “a false appearance or action intended to deceive.”

Then again, it might not be Amaro’s fault, as the statement is reported to have been “issued by his office.” Perhaps the entire Phillies front offices is also a bit challenged by basic English vocabulary?

This year marks the 40th Anniversary of the Miracle Mets championship of 1969. To commemorate the franchise’s first World Series win, the Mets are giving away 25,000 t-shirts at the August 22nd game versus the Philadelphia Phillies. Which sounds great.

But these t-shirts look like this.

I swear to Jehovah, this is not a joke. I got this photo directly from the team website. Men, women, and children will receive t-shirts numbered 69. Not only that, there will no doubt be thousands of Phillies fans in attendance who will also be getting this t-shirt, which they will be bringing back to Philadelphia. Imagine the fun they’re gonna have at the expense of Mets fans for the rest of their lives.

So to the Mets’ Marketing Department – what the hell?

So yesterday morning as I was in my local bagel shop waiting on my bacon egg and cheese on an onion bagel, I glanced down at the newspapers and I saw this photo of A-Rod and Kate Hudson on the cover of the NY Daily News:

Then I noticed the headline of the story beside this photo. And thought, “Yeah. Yeah, that sounds about right”:

“The Braves are a team that always seems to find good pitching and they’re always lacking offensive punch. When Chipper Jones is healthy, he adds the punch that they need and the stabilizing force they need in the lineup. But any time he’s injured, that lineup becomes offensively challenged. I just don’t think they have enough offense to challenge the Phillies. THey (sic) have good pitching, but not enough offense. Pitching is great, but you still have to score runs to win.”

- Joe Morgan, in his chat this morning at ESPN.com…saying the same exact thing five times in the span of five written sentences.

If you’re anything like me, then you’ve probably spent endless hours wondering what baseball would be like if we replaced bats with samurai swords. Well, I wonder no more. It would be super exciting for a couple of pitches. Then you realize that you’ll run out of baseballs pretty quickly. And that the catcher will be plenty busy fielding balls split in two.

“I loved the peek at the wall, that’s the part that really turned me on”

Who Said It? Was it:

a)  a 13-year old seeing the 1981 movie “Porky’s” for the first time?

or

b) Tampa Bay Manager Joe Maddon talking about B.J. Upton’s over-the-shoulder catch on Monday night?

Well, this is a baseball blog. So. Um, yeah.

Clearly, members of the Baseball Writers Association of America do not read UmpBump.

If they did, they would know that EDINSON VOLQUEZ IS NOT A FREAKING ROOKIE.

And yet, Volquez finished 4th in the National League Rookie of the Year voting.

Right.

And it’s the bloggers who don’t know what they’re talking about? We’re the uninformed?

By the way, if any of can find out who the three writers were who gave Volquez those 2nd place votes, please name them in the comments section.