umpbump.com » Quick laughs http://umpbump.com/press In-your-face baseball commentary Sun, 22 Nov 2009 00:17:27 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.6 en hourly 1 Johnny Damon Really Must Be Jesus http://umpbump.com/press/2009/11/11/johnny-damon-really-must-be-jesu/ http://umpbump.com/press/2009/11/11/johnny-damon-really-must-be-jesu/#comments Wed, 11 Nov 2009 20:43:44 +0000 Paul Moro http://umpbump.com/press/?p=7050 WWJDD“Chronological age does not have anything to do with a player of (Damon’s) genetics.” – Scott Boras

Well, sure. Had Jesus Christ been around longer, I’m pretty sure that he would’ve been able to OPS … [visit site to read more]

Tagged:  Jesus, Johnny Damon, Scott Boras
]]> http://umpbump.com/press/2009/11/11/johnny-damon-really-must-be-jesu/feed/ 0 For the last time, they don’t fight hams… http://umpbump.com/press/2009/08/19/for-the-last-time-they-dont-fight-hams/ http://umpbump.com/press/2009/08/19/for-the-last-time-they-dont-fight-hams/#comments Wed, 19 Aug 2009 17:16:04 +0000 Paul Moro http://umpbump.com/press/?p=6570 While reporting on the story that three members of the Nippon Ham Fighters baseball team has been diagnosed with swine flu (including former MLBer Terrmel Sledge), ESPN makes a mistake that’s all too common.

Nippon Ham Fightersvisit site to read more]

Tagged:  ESPN, Nippon Ham Fighters
]]> http://umpbump.com/press/2009/08/19/for-the-last-time-they-dont-fight-hams/feed/ 1 I’m not sure that word means what you think it means http://umpbump.com/press/2009/08/11/im-not-sure-that-word-means-what-you-think-it-means/ http://umpbump.com/press/2009/08/11/im-not-sure-that-word-means-what-you-think-it-means/#comments Wed, 12 Aug 2009 01:12:09 +0000 Nick Kapur http://umpbump.com/press/?p=6532 So Pedro Martinez is taking his spot in the rotation, and Jamie Moyer is not pleased, saying that he is “disheartened,” and feels like he was “misled” by Phillies GM Ruben Amaro Jr.

Naturally, Amaro had to respond, so he issued the following statement. “When we signed Jamie Moyer in December it was under the pretense of being a starter. But right now circumstances have changed and that’s why we’re moving him to the … [visit site to read more]

Tagged:  Jamie Moyer, Phillies, pretense, Ruben-Amaro, vocabulary
]]> http://umpbump.com/press/2009/08/11/im-not-sure-that-word-means-what-you-think-it-means/feed/ 4 When Anniversaries Go Wrong: 1969 NY Mets http://umpbump.com/press/2009/08/03/when-anniversaries-go-wrong-1969-ny-mets/ http://umpbump.com/press/2009/08/03/when-anniversaries-go-wrong-1969-ny-mets/#comments Mon, 03 Aug 2009 21:26:00 +0000 Paul Moro http://umpbump.com/press/?p=6489 This year marks the 40th Anniversary of the Miracle Mets championship of 1969. To commemorate the franchise’s first World Series win, the Mets are giving away 25,000 t-shirts at the August 22nd game versus the Philadelphia Phillies. Which sounds great.

But these t-shirts look like this.

visit site to read more]

Tagged:  1969 New York Mets, Mets, promotion, T-shirt
]]> http://umpbump.com/press/2009/08/03/when-anniversaries-go-wrong-1969-ny-mets/feed/ 17 A-Rod and Kate Hudson – “This’ll Make You Sick” http://umpbump.com/press/2009/07/27/headlines-with-double-meanings-this-will-make-you-sick/ http://umpbump.com/press/2009/07/27/headlines-with-double-meanings-this-will-make-you-sick/#comments Mon, 27 Jul 2009 18:43:44 +0000 Paul Moro http://umpbump.com/press/?p=6423 So yesterday morning as I was in my local bagel shop waiting on my bacon egg and cheese on an onion bagel, I glanced down at the newspapers and I saw this photo of A-Rod and Kate Hudson on the cover of the NY Daily News:

arodhudson

Then I noticed the headline of the story beside this photo. And thought, “Yeah. Yeah, … [visit site to read more]

Tagged:  Alex Rodriguez, Kate Hudson, New York Daily News
]]> http://umpbump.com/press/2009/07/27/headlines-with-double-meanings-this-will-make-you-sick/feed/ 3 Quote of the Day: Joe Morgan http://umpbump.com/press/2009/07/21/quote-of-the-day-joe-morgan/ http://umpbump.com/press/2009/07/21/quote-of-the-day-joe-morgan/#comments Tue, 21 Jul 2009 18:38:02 +0000 Paul Moro http://umpbump.com/press/?p=6375 “The Braves are a team that always seems to find good pitching and they’re always lacking offensive punch. When Chipper Jones is healthy, he adds the punch that they need and the stabilizing force they need in the lineup. But any time he’s injured, that lineup becomes offensively challenged. I just don’t think they have enough offense to challenge the Phillies. THey (sic) have good pitching, but not enough offense. … [visit site to read more]

Tagged:  Braves, ESPN.com, Joe Morgan
]]> http://umpbump.com/press/2009/07/21/quote-of-the-day-joe-morgan/feed/ 5 Samurai Baseball http://umpbump.com/press/2009/07/01/samurai-baseball/ http://umpbump.com/press/2009/07/01/samurai-baseball/#comments Wed, 01 Jul 2009 20:07:56 +0000 Paul Moro http://umpbump.com/press/?p=6162 If you’re anything like me, then you’ve probably spent endless hours wondering what baseball would be like if we replaced bats with samurai swords. Well, I wonder no more. It would be super exciting for a couple of pitches. Then you realize that you’ll run out of baseballs pretty quickly. And that the catcher will be plenty busy fielding balls split in two.

visit site to read more]

Tagged:  Japan, samurai sword
]]> http://umpbump.com/press/2009/07/01/samurai-baseball/feed/ 5 Who Said It? http://umpbump.com/press/2009/04/15/who-said-it/ http://umpbump.com/press/2009/04/15/who-said-it/#comments Wed, 15 Apr 2009 16:19:46 +0000 Paul Moro http://umpbump.com/press/?p=5481 “I loved the peek at the wall, that’s the part that really turned me on”

Who Said It? Was it:

a)  a 13-year old seeing the 1981 movie “Porky’s” for the first time?

or

b) Tampa Bay Manager Joe Maddon talking about B.J. Upton’s over-the-shoulder catch on Monday night?

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Tagged:  BJ Upton, Joe Maddon, Porky's, Rays
]]> http://umpbump.com/press/2009/04/15/who-said-it/feed/ 1 I give up. http://umpbump.com/press/2008/11/10/i-give-up/ http://umpbump.com/press/2008/11/10/i-give-up/#comments Mon, 10 Nov 2008 20:00:37 +0000 Paul Moro http://umpbump.com/press/?p=3594 Clearly, members of the Baseball Writers Association of America do not read UmpBump.

If they did, they would know that EDINSON VOLQUEZ IS NOT A FREAKING ROOKIE.

And yet, Volquez finished 4th in the National League Rookie of the Year voting.

Right.

And it’s the bloggers who don’t know what they’re talking about? … [visit site to read more]

Tagged:  BBWAA, Edinson-Volquez, ROY
]]> http://umpbump.com/press/2008/11/10/i-give-up/feed/ 5 Jose Canseco is not pregnant. Bummer. http://umpbump.com/press/2008/10/12/jose-canseco-is-not-pregnant-bummer/ http://umpbump.com/press/2008/10/12/jose-canseco-is-not-pregnant-bummer/#comments Mon, 13 Oct 2008 03:16:43 +0000 Sarah Green http://umpbump.com/press/?p=3220 “Canseco’s Car Searched By Authorities, Fertility Drugs Found.”

That was the ESPN.com headline.

“So he’s trying to get pregnant now?” I thought. “God, what an attention whore.”

But it turns out, the drugs help restore testosterone production after steroid use. Bummer. I would’ve really liked to read the Jose Canseco version of visit site to read more]

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