Clearly, members of the Baseball Writers Association of America do not read UmpBump.

If they did, they would know that EDINSON VOLQUEZ IS NOT A FREAKING ROOKIE.

And yet, Volquez finished 4th in the National League Rookie of the Year voting.

Right.

And it’s the bloggers who don’t know what they’re talking about? We’re the uninformed?

By the way, if any of can find out who the three writers were who gave Volquez those 2nd place votes, please name them in the comments section.

“Canseco’s Car Searched By Authorities, Fertility Drugs Found.”

That was the ESPN.com headline.

“So he’s trying to get pregnant now?” I thought. “God, what an attention whore.”

But it turns out, the drugs help restore testosterone production after steroid use. Bummer. I would’ve really liked to read the Jose Canseco version of this.

Yes, that’s Alex Rodriguez actually wiping his face with a $100 bill.

A friend of mine–a Red Sox fan friend–just texted me from the Sox-Angels game in Anaheim. How did he score tickets to ALDS Game 1, you might ask yourself? Good question.

Well, it turns out that he walked up to the ticket window….

And paid them 40 bucks….

Two hours before game time.

Bite me.

Just when you thought the baseball gods couldn’t do a whole lot more to keep us in this purgatory hell-hole.

C’MON! LET’S GET IT OVER WITH ALREADY!

Question is, which one?

A man was arrested this week after security found him walking around the field at Dodger stadium in a Dodger blue uniform, sporting a mitt, and juggling two balls.

Higgins allegedly identified himself as a Dodgers player, but the guard recognized him from an earlier incident and called police.

Prosecutors say Higgins’ clothes were later found in the bat boys’ locker room. It was not immediately clear where he got the uniform.

This one is so short, sweet, and yet loaded with such rich bestiarity (think oddness), I can almost smell it.

But on a serious note, and while we’re on the topic of security at Dodger stadium, The Big Lead has a scary story (with pictures) about a security guard tackling a woman to the ground.

Not sure if you’ve heard since it went incredibly underreported in the main stream media, but the final game in Yankee Stadium was played this past Sunday. And you know that means, right?

Useless stadium crap/memorabilia for sale on eBay!

First, we have this magnificent looking cup holder. Isn’t she a beaut? And it’s now totally portable! Bring it in the car to use as your seventh cup holder! Bring it to the movies because one cup holder there just won’t do! Put in on a leash and take it for a walk! You and your cup holder will be sure to have some wonderful times together.

And next, we are pleased to offer you what any person would want. DIRT! That’s right, it’s true. You too can own dirt! Just imagine what you can do with the power of dirt. Bury your pet parakeet! Eat it! Or put it on a leash and take it for a walk! Wait, what’s that? You’re not satisfied with this dirt? Well, how about, THIS DIRT? Yes, this dirt is totally different from that dirt. So if you’re looking for dirt, we’ve got two!

And what goes better with dirt than paint? And best of all, it’s blue! And isn’t that really the best color? It’s Cool! BLUE! From the same people that brought you yellow.

Here, we have a napkin. Yes, I know, I can’t believe it either. But we have a napkin! As the seller so correctly notes, it’s a “MUST HAVE ITEM FOR ANY BASEBALL FAN OR COLLECTOR”

And last, but not least, we have a RIPPED STICKER! Have we gone crazy for selling this? We just may have! Now, you can let your guests know to be alert of foul balls when entering your bathroom! Or even your bedroom! How zany! And this ripped sticker can be yours for just $249.95!!! YOWZERS! What a deal!

But don’t wait! Order your cup holder, dirt, paint, more dirt, napkin, and ripped sticker right now! What a country!

"I don't know, Doc. People tell me I was born to be a mascot... But I think I'm just a freak...

Hey, Mets fans and players! Are you sick and tired of losing? Are you simply suicidal because you’ve tried everything and don’t know how to make things better?

Don’t fret about the team losing serious ground in the NL East! Because psychologists are here to help!

They offer such professional and brilliant advice as:

“You don’t want to engage in catastrophic thinking, it’s not fruitful,” – Dr. John Murray

“Essentially, if they win the games, they will make it [to the playoffs].” – Dr. Alan Manevitz

You got that? I know it sounds really complicated and you’re probably unfamiliar with these revolutionary ideas. But basically, thinking about the end of the world is not good. And if the Mets win, they win! Thank you, New York Daily News, for making wonderful advice such as these accessible to our puny little brains.