umpbump.com » UFH (Unfortunate Facial Hair)

Unfortunate Facial Hair: Brendan Ryan

Paul Moro — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 14:43:53 +0000

It’s been too long since we’ve done a UFH post at UmpBump. So in tribute to the playoffs, when the entire nation can marvel at players’ levels of determination and enhanced upper-lip decorations, we give you grit-meister Brendan Ryan of the St. Louis Cardinals.

May his stache forever live in October lore.

… [visit site to read more]

Tagged: Brendan Ryan, UFH, unfortunate-facial-hair

Fortunate facial hair? Clay Zavada

Nick Kapur — Tue, 26 May 2009 04:59:20 +0000

Look, it’s well known that we here at UmpBump are generally against most types of facial hair. And aside from the soul destroying soul patch, which has deservedly earned our collective undying enmity, the facial hair that perhaps most affronts our basic sense of human … [visit site to read more]

Tagged: Clay Zavada, mustache, Rollie-Fingers

Unfortunate Facial Hair: Mike Jacobs

Coley Ward — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 12:00:39 +0000

I wasn’t sure whether Jacobs’ new growth qualified as “unfortunate facial hair” because, technically, it’s not growing out of his face. It seems to be coming from that nether area between the chin and the neck. What is that area called? The check? The nin? Regardless, the only excuse for a facial growth this hideous is to break a slump (see: visit site to read more]

Tagged: Mike Jacobs

Unfortunate Facial Hair: Passing the torch

Coley Ward — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 17:02:51 +0000

When Jeff Kent announced his retirement recently, baseball lost much more than a great second baseman. It lost a great mustache.

Amazingly, Kent’s ’stache is not one of the handful of fuzzes that has its own entry in our Unfortunate Facial Hair pantheon. But don’t be fooled: his was truly fabulous fur. And it is not the only UFH that we stand to lose. Mike Piazza retired in May (and to mark the occasion Paul created a Piazza UFH retrospective). Now it’s looking increasingly unlikely that Sal Fasano will find a job. And both Todd Helton and Randy Johnson are in the twilights of their respective careers.

For the good of the game and, yes, for the good of America it’s time for these UFH vets to pass the torch to a greener generation. Here are a few young players who might consider picking up where the vets left off.

Kent’s actually toned down his mustache late in his career, but in his early years with the mets his flavor savor was large and in charge.

What would happen if we took Kent’s mustache and put it on Troy Tulowitzki’s baby face?

equals…

Whoah! Where does the line for mustache rides form?

… [visit site to read more]

Tagged: David Price, Jeff Kent, Joey Votto, Matt Wieters, Mike Piazza, Randy Johnson, Todd Helton, Troy Tulowitzki, UFH

Mustache Fever Sweeps South Bend

Sarah Green — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 14:45:51 +0000

One of our readers tipped us off to this article from MiLB.com, the official website of minor league baseball, on Josh Collmenter of the South Bend Silverhawks, and I think it’s worth sharing in … [visit site to read more]

Tagged: Josh Collmenter, minor leagues, mustache, Sarah's brain explodes, Single A, unfortunate-facial-hair

You can’t keep a good mustache down (in the minors)

Coley Ward — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 23:01:39 +0000

Sal Fasano, the journeyman catcher whose facial hair promted the formation of one of the most passionate fan groups ever, Sal’s Pals, is back in the bigs.

The Indians acquired Fasano from the Atlanta Braves for a player to be named later. The Indians needed a catcher after the club lost starter Victor Martinez, who is out six to eighth weeks following right elbow surgery on June … [visit site to read more]

Tagged: Indians, Sal Fasano

Unfortunate Facial Hair: One Last Time

Paul Moro — Tue, 20 May 2008 22:12:50 +0000

Meeeeeeeeeemories….

Light the corners of my miiiiiiiinnnnnndddd…

Misty, watercolor meeeeeeemoriiiiieeeeesss….

Of the way we were…

… [visit site to read more]

Tagged: Mike Piazza

Unfortunate Facial Hair: Umpire Edition

Coley Ward — Tue, 13 May 2008 22:58:20 +0000

Today the Arizona Daily Star has a lovely little feature on Bill Hohn, who has umpired major-league baseball games for 18 seasons and is now rehabbing in Tucson after injuries stalled his career.

From the Daily Star:

In the last two years, he has had three surgeries to repair herniated disks in his lower back and the sciatic nerve in his left hip. Hohn, a 52-year-old native of Butler, Pa., missed most of 2007.

During … [visit site to read more]
Tagged: Bill Hohn, Rod Beck, umpires

Pink Sox: More UFH in Chicago

Sarah Green — Thu, 08 May 2008 03:17:16 +0000

The facial hair situation for the White Sox has gotten even worse since last month. At least this time it’s UFH for a good cause!

Nick Swisher gets a dye job on his UFH from Jeremy Campus, who has … [visit site to read more]

Tagged: blow-up doll, Nick Swisher, White Sox

UFH: Eric Byrnes’ streak ’stache

Coley Ward — Sun, 20 Apr 2008 17:28:21 +0000

They say laws are like sausages: you never want to see them being made.

Allow me to add a third item to that list: mustaches.

Granted, there is no facial hairstyle that rivals the mustache for pure machismo or sex appeal (see: Selleck, Brimley, Daulerio). But … [visit site to read more]

Tagged: Diamondbacks, Eric Byrnes