As we head into Memorial Day weekend, three American League teams widely predicted to make the playoffs sit in last place in their divisions: the Yankees, the Mariners, and the Tigers. You can’t really say it’s “still early”—we’re roughly a third of the way through the season. June is looming. Soon, “slow starts” will just become “bad teams.”

While their predicament is shared, the exact causes of their suckery are diverse. Detroit’s problem is terrible pitching. The Yankees have suffered mysterious injuries to their older superstars and mysterious ineffectiveness from their young pitchers. The Mariners? Well, they have no defense, they can’t get on base, and their pitching isn’t very good either. (Gee, what else could go wrong?)

Of the three, the Mariners may be in the worst shape. They’re currently under .400. The Angels have been as good as most of us expected, even dealing with some injuries to rotation mainstays John Lackey and Kelvim Escobar. The A’s have proven the computers right. Even the wild n’ crazy Texas Rangers, who are on pace to allow something like 950 runs this season, have still managed to stay out of the cellar thanks to Seattle. It’s hard to see the Mariners making the moves necessary to right this ship during 2008; their to-do list is a mile long, and they’re 9.5 games out of first already.

Detroit’s offense has been the best in the AL Central. Unfortunately, they have one of the worst pitching staffs in the American League. Plus, their infielders are playing “musical bases” as Jim Leyland tries to find places to stick defensive liabilities Miguel Cabrera and Carlos Guillen. But to climb back up the standings, they’ll need to get better pitching. Staff ace Justin Verlander, who struggled early, has been working on his mechanics and seems to be back on track. But Jeremy Bonderman has been a huge disappointment to fans (and fantasy owners) counting on him to be a strong No. 2, and the other starters aren’t really worth wasting the pixels on at this point. To really contend, the Tigers will have to acquire more pitching. But how will they get it? Despite their horrible start, they’re still “only” 6.5 games out of first and just two games behind Cleveland. I don’t expect the White Sox and the Twins to be able to hold off both the Indians and the Tigers much longer.

The New York Yankees are also shocked to find themselves in the cellar of the AL East. But maybe it’s not as bad as it seems. A year ago today, they were 9.5 games out of first, yet ended up making a run at the pennant in September. Today they’re just 7.5 back. Not so bad, right? Mmmm, maybe.

Last year, 9.5 games back still got them second place. This year, the landscape of the AL East has changed. The Tampa Bay Rays are five games ahead of New York and while they don’t have a Steinbrennarian budget, they’re playing with a lot of great young talent. While the Yankees do have a great lineup on paper, they may be forced to deal with more injuries than they’re used to this year. It’s one thing to lose A-Rod for a stretch; it’s quite another if they have to keep juggling hurting cornerstones such as Derek Jeter and Jorge Posada. Some of their other guys are struggling at the plate—Jason Giambi just barely clears the Mendoza line, and they only have two guys hitting over .300 (and both are hitting .302).

With their offense on the fritz, they needed to be able to rely on their pitching. Yet their only reliable pitcher has been staff ace Chien Ming Wang, who somehow doesn’t get the respect he deserves—even from his own catcher. If the Yankees want to contend this year, they’ll either have to deal some of their prized chips in a midseason trade. Does anyone really expect Carl Pavano is to be the team’s August savior? Even if by some miracle can be effective when he returns, and even if Kennedy, Hughes, and Joba-as-starter can all pitch well, none of them are going to address the Yankees’ biggest need: innings. In the AL, Yankee starters are dead last in innings pitched. If they want to oust the Rays and the Red Sox, they are going to have to acquire themselves the sort of innings-eater who can give their bullpen a rest every fifth day.

Of the League’s three cellar dwellars, New York has the most potential to claw their way back to the top of the heap. The Tigers are floundering so badly, not even Jim Leyland quite knows what to do other than scream in frustration. The Mariners? They’re just SOL. But the Yankees, on the other hand, they’ve got an owner who doesn’t know the meaning of “wait ’til next year.” They’ve proven themselves practically indestructible. You can never count them out. Even if they’re mathematically eliminated, Derek Jeter could still fly backwards around the earth, turning back time to give them just one more chance. Yes, after the nuclear Armageddon, the only things that will be left on earth are cockroaches, styrofoam cups, and the New York Yankees.

In this week’s Metro column, I boldly made the following claim:

[Manny] Ramirez is arguably the best active player to have never received an MVP award. He’s certainly the best active player to be so consistently snubbed; of similar players, he has the fewest top-five finishes without ever finishing in the top two.

But of course, Manny is far from the only great active player to never take home the trophy, and while I was cogitating about this column, I got to talking about these players with my co-conspirators here at UmpBump. We bandied about some other names of active players who have, amazingly enough, never won an MVP: Gary Sheffield and Jim Thome lead the pack, in my mind, and you could make a case for perennially beloved also-rans Derek Jeter and David Ortiz as well.

Sure, there are fantastic younger guys who haven’t won the trophy yet. But when it comes to the David Wrights, Chase Utleys, and Hanley Ramirezes of baseball, one can say, “Hey, he’s still young.” And there are deserving players who are always a long shot to take home the hardware simply by virtue of their position; most pitchers and designated hitters suffer this fate. (I’ve included Ortiz here on my list of snubs because a) yes, I’m a Red Sox fan and this is my list, you jerks and b) he’s finished in the top 5 of the MVP balloting for the past four years running—a neat trick for any player, even more so considering the entrenched bias among many members of the BBWAA against voting for a full-time DH.)

But with the Sheffs and the Mannys and the Thomes, it’s a different story. You can’t necessarily point to a certain year and say, “This is the year he deserved to win,” but you’re still surprised to learn he’s never gotten the trophy.

Of active players, who do you think is the biggest MVP snub? Anyone going to take a stand for Todd Helton? Or Mike Piazza, still technically active? Any secret Carlos Delgado fans out there?

Who gets your vote?

more at twiigs.com…

John Smoltz is probably going to record his 3,000th strikeout today and Atlanta Magazine used the occasion to ask the question, “which Braves players will someday make the Hall of Fame?”

Atlanta Magazine thought just about all of the Braves from the last two decades (except for Andruw) should make the Hall, so there may have been a little home town bias at play.

We’ve gone and complicated the discussion a bit, including both manager Bobby Cox and general manager Jon Schuerholz in our list of possible inductees.

What do you think? Who belongs? Who falls short?

more at twiigs.com…

We’ve done the ugliest uniforms and the crazy old-school uniforms—but what about the unis that actually look good? Here, your All-Star lineup of the nine best-looking get-ups in the majors:

1. Yankees. Other teams wear pinstripes. But the Yankees wear Pinstripes. In fact, “pinstripes” has become something of a metonym for the New York Yankees. For instance, if a premiere free agent came on the market and Hank Steinbrenner was jingling the change in his pocket, a pundit might comment by saying, “before you know it, he’ll be in pinstripes,” or words to that effect. In addition, in an age that sees many a major league team putting numbers on the front of their jerseys, or—horror of horrors—player names on the back of their home whites, the Yankees remain the only team in MLB without player names even on their out-of-town uniforms. Love them or hate them, you have to admit that is badass.

2. Tigers. Boston Globe columnist Dan Shaughnessy once described their home uniforms in a column as “baseball tuxedos.” It was a rare moment of accord between Mr. Shaughnessy and myself. No other term better describes the simple elegance of Detroit’s black and white duds. And the away unis with the midnight blue and just a dash of orange? Brilliant!

3. A’s. First, the A’s get bonus points for venturing out of the safe, overdone area of red-white-blue uniforms. Yet they also manage to steer clear of the unfortunate teal-purple-turquoise realm. Oakland’s sunny yellow and forest green is distinctive, attractive, and appropriate for NoCal. (Additionally, many of the team’s players are themselves more attractive than average. This increases the aesthetics of their uniforms.) I know they catch a lot of flak for their white cleats, but I actually think the white looks better than the alternatives—especially when they wear their socks up, displaying a pleasing contrast between green sock and white shoe. In fact, I would like Oakland to consider making this a mandatory thing, because when the players don’t wear their socks up, and choose to go instead with a baggy, full-length pantleg, white blends into white and they end up looking like they’re wearing footie pajamas.

4. Giants. The black and orange? Hot. The interlocking “SF” logo on the cap? Very nice. The understated, sans serif font across the chest? Tres chic. Plus, the home whites with their bolder, more ornate typeface are also an easy hardball classic. They may lose the most games of any team in the majors this year, but they’ll look damn good doing it.

5. Pirates. The duds are simple, elegant, and distinctive. This is a rare example of a vest uniform actually working. (Plus, they get props for their piratical insignia. Pirates are so hot right now. Arrrr!) And unlike Colorado, Pittsburgh knows that if you’re going to go with pinstripes, you can’t add a lot of other elements—you’ve got to keep it clean and simple. The yellow really pops on the away grays, almost like a ray of sunny hope piercing a gloomy sky—all too appropriate for a beleaguered organization from a city that’s seen better days.

6. Dodgers. The Dodgers’ uniform is a statement. They want you to know that they are a classy, classic, all-American organization with a proud history. On another team, this uniform would be a bit too safe—maybe even boring. But because they’re the Dodgers, it just looks just right.

7. White Sox. Teams with too many crazy colors, take note: it’s really, really hard to look bad when you go with black and white. The White Sox are the third team on this list who dress in shades of gray. The simple “sock” patch on the sleeve, the elegant piping on the leg, the classic cursive script across the chest—everything works together seamlessly. In fact, all of Chicago’s various uniforms look equally good. No easy feat. Thus, this play on the right may look hideous, but the White Sox still look dapper.

8. Red Sox. The Red Sox have a clean, classic uniform. I personally liked their old socks a bit better—ridiculous, striped affairs that made one feel as if Ted Williams and Jimmy Foxx were somewhere just out of sight—but I do recognize the thematic consistency in having the Red Sox wear red socks. Red and white are over-used in the world of MLB uniforms (Reds, Angels, Cardinals, Phillies, Twins, Astros), but unlike some of their red-and-white compatriots, the Red Sox never take the field looking like a bunch of tomatoes, strawberries, or other overly red produce, thanks in part to the navy hats. (Red + navy = a fine New England tradition.) I only wish they’d kept the navy undershirts from a few seasons back. But the real tipping point here is the font. The font is so easily recognizable, it’s become synonymous with Boston itself. Not too many baseball uniforms have that on their resume. The one hitch is that nearly all of the Boston players are hirsute, pine-tar covered slobs who wear their unis several sizes too large. Thus, to see the Red Sox uniform as God intended, I have here chosen a picture of Jacoby Ellsbury.

9. Cubs. I love the bear cub. I love the bold, crisp “C” logo. I don’t super-love the pinstripes—the Cubs’ bold colors and clean logos don’t need it. It’s not a deal-breaker, but if they’d gone with a nice blue-and-red piping down the leg instead, the Cubs would be higher on my list. Yes, red-white-and-blue is overdone, but the Cubs do it very well. Even when the ivy hasn’t leafed yet.

Bench players

Indians. We like the everything-old-is-new-again look they’re sporting as an alternate uni this year, and I like their regular unis quite a bit. But I have to take points off for their insistence on retaining Chief Wahoo as their logo. I have no problem with the team’s name, but that cartoon character looks like something out of the 50s. Oh wait…it is.

Phillies. Philadelphia’s new alternate home uniforms are the hotness. The red-white-and-blue works well for the city of Ben Franklin and the Liberty Bell. The uniform is clean and classic, but not boring, thanks to the two little stars over the i’s and thanks to the slick piping down the outseam. The reason they don’t crack my starting lineup? They don’t wear this kickass alternate uni nearly enough.

Nationals. I love what they’re trying to do here, but it feels like there’s just too much going on—right down to the two competing logos. (One of these, the cursive “W”, looks like a pig’s tail, for crying out loud. They need to stick with the interlocking D and C.) There’s red, there’s blue, there’s yellow. The various uniforms don’t seem to have any bearing on each other, as if the Nats were that old Washington team, the Senators, and they were polling their constituents to see which look they should wear. I like the font they’ve used for the “Washington” across the chest, but they’ve made it look a bit cluttered by using two colors for it. In the words of Henry David Thoreau: simplify, simplify.

A few tips to ballplayers who want to increase the attractiveness of their uniforms: don’t wear the belt too high (yes, we’re thinking of you, JULIO LUGO!). Pull up your socks and show a little calf. Wear pants that fit—don’t go too tight (unless you’re very sure you’ve got the ass for it), but don’t go too loose or it will look sloppy. Finally, I know some of these early spring night games are chilly, but if you’re going to go with an undershirt, treat yourself to a nice fitted underarmor job instead of a wrinkly, bulky old turtleneck.

What do you think, Umpbumpers?

more at twiigs.com…

Oh, and if you pick “other,” I think you owe us a comment explaining who we missed. Thanks!

The Blue Jays debuted their throwback uniforms last night, as they plan to do for every Friday home game this season. Behold:

They look a bit silly, but isn’t that just part of the fun? The Royals have also brought their powder blues back (though only from the waist up). Last year, the Padres busted out their old all-yellow duds. What other teams could bring back some kickass vintage duds? Let’s look at the contenders:

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