I just can’t take it anymore.

Here it is, July 31, trade deadline day. And I just can’t take it anymore.

At Fenway last night, I noticed that Alex Cora was in for Mark Loretta at second base. There were occasions in the game I felt that perhaps Loretta could be used to pinch-hit. And at the end of the game, which was, by then, hopeless, Terry Francona switched up the entire lineup. Out with Varitek, in with Mirabelli. Out with Manny Ramirez, in with Gabe Kapler. But Mark Loretta remainded unseen. Was he injured? Was he sick? Where was he? Then, in today’s Globe, I saw this article:

The day was rife with rumors, including one in which second baseman Mark Loretta, who was not in last night’s starting lineup, had left the ballpark before the game in street clothes. Loretta was in the dugout a few minutes before the game, in full uniform.

There are also rumors of a three-way deal dumping Mike Lowell for Julio Lugo and Scott Linebrink. Also rumors about the Sox getting Alfonso Soriano or Jason Schmidt. Boston.com’s The Buzz had this to add:

Sunday night, the Sox brass, led by Epstein, Ben Cherington, and Jed Hoyer, held a half-hour meeting with Terry Francona. The group met behind closed doors and left via the back door without comment at 12:01 a.m. You can bet at least some of the above topics were part of that conversation. Will anything come of it? We’ll know by 4 p.m.

And then, from the Boston Herald:

The Red Sox are attempting to strike a three-way deal with the Rockies and Padres, with third baseman Mike Lowell shipped out of town and first baseman Ryan Shealy arriving here from Colorado. The Sox also would presumably obtain a more-than-reputable starter.

And the Providence Journal is even saying that Roger Clemens wants to come back to Boston now, so that he can pitch for a contending team!

And the Herald says that there’s nothing to the Coco Crisp trade rumors. But will we get Kip Wells? What was that whole Andruw Jones thing?

From the Globe’s Gordon Edes: “Yes, the Sox called the Braves yesterday inquiring about what it would take to get outfielder Andruw Jones. Yes, they were told that it would cost them Jon Lester, Craig Hansen and Coco Crisp.”

Oh excuse me while I laugh hysterically.

Thank Gawd the deadline is, as I write this, chiming.

Because I’m all out of Tums, my fingernails are bitten down to the quick, and I just ripped out a large chunk of blonde hair and tried to eat it.