Let’s Get Metaphysical

All aboard the crazy train!

Darren “Dutch” Daulton had it all. And now he’s lost it. Totally lost it.

One of the best catchers of his era, Daulton led the 1993 Phillies to the World Series and played for the 1997 Marlins team that won the championship. He was an all-star, a club-house leader, and a total stud. Men wanted to be him. Women wanted to be with him.

But since his retirement following his World Series victory in 1997, Dutch has had some legal trouble. He’s been arrested on reckless and drunken-driving charges and a domestic-violence charge after a dispute with his second wife, Nicole, who has since filed for divorce. In 2004, Daulton did a two-month stint in Pinellas County Jail after he was found in contempt of court, stemming from a failure to comply with a court order issued in his and Nicole’s divorce battle.

Nicole says he’s a drunk. Daulton says he’s enlightened.

In an article in Sports Illustrated, Dutch says that, “Nicole thinks I’m crazy. She blames everything on drugs and drinking. But I don’t take drugs and I’m not a drunk. Nicole just doesn’t understand metaphysics.”

Dutch goes on to say that, sometimes, his moods can control the weather.

“At one point everyone was against me, kind of like I’d struck out with the bases loaded,” he says. “Whenever my thoughts got totally negative, it would automatically rain.”

He insists that the pyramids are strategically placed all over the galaxy, on mars and on the moon. He believes the Mayan temples were built by the Atlanteans, that lost civilization that dissipeared beneath the sea. He believes the world will end when the Mayan calendar stops — Dec. 21, 2012, at 11:11 a.m.

Dutch is working on a book, tentatively titled, “If They Only Knew.” He better hurry up and find a publisher. After Dec. 12, 2012, he’s not going to have much of an audience.